Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
nightswimming 0
#60 - You're an idiot. I hope a drunk driver hits you one night, then we'll see how you feel about it. #85 - Amen. I'm not saying he was driving, he could have had a DD or taken a cab, though I think the story makes it seem like she definitely wasn't driving and implies they were alone.
0_0 0
Maybe you shouldn't drive drunk, idiot. Put everyones lives at risk for your own fun, good idea.
on_a_boat 0
You're an idiot for driving whilst drunk. YDI.
ebbasaur 0
#1 and #2 I agree with. Does she hate you...?!? Hahahaha.
mykon_fml 0
ARE YOU ******* ME?! UR DRIVING DRUNK? I HOPE SHE JUST USES U FOR YOUR ******* MONEY AND TORTURES YOUR ******* HEART! DON'T DRIVE DRUNK YOU **** TART LET HER DRIVE INSTEAD! and then you can have the excuse of sleeping over at her house. but nooo YOUR A **** TART
englishmuffin 0
I activated an account just to say: #60... I hope you're ******* kidding because otherwise you're a moron. There is nothing safe or okay about drinking under the influence. #89: "And are you ALL claiming that you have never once in your life driven while the slightest bit tipsy?" I haven't. I'm not that stupid or selfish to think that the time or trouble saved by calling a cab, asking a friend to drive, or just not drinking is worth someone else's life if my ability to drive is impaired. "Yes, it was irresponsible, but does he honestly deserve to be damned by all of you judgmental self-righteous presumptuous bitter people? really?" It's not like people are threatening to egg his house or slash his tires. But if he really was drinking and driving, he deserves to know he's an ass. Drunk drivers affect everyone who happens to be on the road with them at the time.
curryndricegirll 0
I'm gonna call this fake. If you weren't even sober enough to make out without breaking her neck, there is no way you made it alive driving there drunk.
wazza_fml 0
I can't decide if your more of an idiot for driving drunk or thinking that kissing anyone like that actually works in real life
Dhamy 0
You were driving drunk? And ... Okay, this is a whole load of fail. -patpat- Better luck next time. If you're lucky,she'll understand?
InspiredByGaGa 8
that's so terrible for HER