Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
24788 7
Lol, you were drunk.
kronk45 0
So... you were drunk... AND driving???????????? Smooth
skeet_shooter 0
#60: 95% of the people who drink drive home afterwards while still drunk or 'impaired', huh? And how the hell many out of those 95% manage to kill themselves, their loved ones, or SOMEBODY ELSE'S LOVED ONES while doing so? There's stories in the news somewhere literally every day about why this is a bad idea. And usually the ones who die are the lucky ones. The ones that are maimed or burned and therefore scarred for life are the ones that pay for it. I sincerely hope you were attempting to be hilariously sarcastic when you posted this. Because if you actually think "Everybody drove to the bar, so they must be able to drive home from it" is an excuse enough for drinking and then DRIVING out in public where you're more likely than not to kill somebody? If you were being funny... it didn't work but I can respect that. If you weren't, then with all due respect, when your IQ reaches fifty you should sell. The very definition of impaired means "Unable to function adequately." And nobody belongs behind a steering wheel while unable to function adequately in that environment. That's just stupid. "Go to a bar sometime." Yeah. If I did, I'd either get a driver, or just not drink. Is it really worth taking a chance on killing somebody? Running over somebody's child? Their dog? Killing the person you're driving around with and then having to live without them the rest of your life? Having to watch them spend the rest of their life in a wheelchair with half their body destroyed and the rest in pain because the wreck was so bad, but not quite enough to kill them?
kitten_kelly 0
Awww im sorry dude.. D: Godddd people just because he tried doesnt mean hes a rapist... she and he just happened to be at the wrong angle... lighten up
ThatsAli3 0
that sucks a lot. for her mostly, but i guess you feel bad. ouch.
poison29 0
YDI as soon as I read you were driving drunk. You could have killed someone, asshole. Not to mention your poor girlfriend.
PsychoX 0
My god. If the OP DID drive, which it is not clearly stated or even directly implied, he was an idiot, no argument there, especially if he was drunk enough to not notice breaking someone's neck. Be. More. Gentle. But... holy ******* christ, he DIDN'T kill someone. Yes, he could have, but so could someone in a hurry on their daily commute. While it may be statistically proven that more deaths result from drunk driving than anything else does it actually earn him the outright loathing of every person on this website? And are you ALL claiming that you have never once in your life driven while the slightest bit tipsy? Yes, it was irresponsible, but does he honestly deserve to be damned by all of you judgmental self-righteous presumptuous bitter people? really?
Don_fml 0
So you drove drunk? YDI.
kmfred 0
If you really loved her you wouldn't have driven drunk with her in the car. I hate you.
route95 0
Wait, you drove her home drunk?? wow.