Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
CCFML 0
You definitely deserved this one. You probably also deserved a nice DUI ticket and a trip to the booty house for drinking and driving.
curious_cat 0
What the hell? How did you manage to do that...okaay, yea i understand you were drunk.. but seriously...that's scary! And how is this FYL? You didn't get your neck fractured ): If not already, you should be by her side 24/7, not writing this.
catatonicsleep 17
You have to be more gentle with people! You must have twisted really hard to damage her neck like that. You know you can be passionate and gentle at the same time....
yesmy_love 0
#29 - so, basically what you're telling me is that you need a label on a relationship to prove that you love someone? well, i'm afraid that i'm going to have to disagree, respectively of course, because i feel that love isn't something that anyone can specifically define. it can be generalized but no one can specifically set rules and guidelines for what love is. and it isn't whether or not i don't understand love or that i have a "lax" definition of it. maybe it's just that i've been in way different situations than you have. i've been in the situation before where i've been in love with someone who i thought i could have spent the rest of my life with and then, because of certain circumstances that took place during our relationship, we broke up. (and no, he didn't cheat or anything like that...) and i still have love for him and we still talk and we're still friends but we can't have a relationship. and yes, i do understand that the love i have for him now is not romantic love, it's transformed into a friendship love, but when we first separated i was still very much in love with him. and we weren't together. so yes, i do believe that you can love someone without being with them. maybe i'm just more open minded than you are about matters of the heart. NBD.
kvgf1484 0
lol funny situation though.. "oh dear, what happened to your neck?" "oh... me and joe were making out, whateva"
newguy90 0
Dude, small tip from someone smarter than you: drink one drink for every ONE drink she has. that way you're always the sober one in the end ;) and go easy on the drunk driving man. (good advice even if u werent the one driving, and it was a taxi) now go give her some flowers you idiot
satanicminnow1 1
Love is bullshit. Chemical shit only.
pencilmustache 0
Agree with # 12
1233567890 0
#2&8 It's not rape if you like it ;-)
reallynow13 0
awe, I'm sorry...does she still want to go out again? lol