Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
ItecKid 0
Wait...you say that you arrived at her house, and she was getting out...which means...you were driving? While drunk? Go kill yourself, asshole.
satanicminnow1 1
If you were driving drunk come to house and curb stomp you. Doing a service to humanity, stopping you before you pass on ****** up genes.
rukusrazor 0
Didn't you learn anything from Seinfeld? You're supposed to just pull it out.
texxxasissouth 0
Jackass.
FoundManyLemons 0
You know, love is a choice based on a feeling. It's not that you can't be in love with someone you're not with, it's just that sensible people usually don't let crushes get that far. Meanwhile....you drove drunk and nearly snapped the girl's neck. YDI, now straighten up.
EmbalmingTheatre 0
As various people already said: FHL! Dude, you broke her neck, and you're wining about the fact you ruined things between her and you..
crowow 0
Maybe you shouldn't drive drunk you jackass. She deserves it too for letting you drive. A neckbrace is nothing compared to who you could have killed. Go to hell, asshole!
god_like 0
definitely a FHL, i can only imagine a neck brace is really uncomfortable and really embarrassing to be seen in public wearing
ObsceneOblivion 4
Yes, because obviously when she's had enough damage done to her neck for her to be in a neck brace, the first thing on her mind is how embarrassing it will be when people see her.
sofarsogood 0
if you drove drunk i automatically hate you
mecheleche 0
I can't believe you were driving.