Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
whocaresfylfml 0
ok don't call your son an idiot. kids do that.
luckycharm143 5
dont be so harsh. u dont need to call ur son an idiot. & anyways hes prob around 4-8 so its not like he would know any better.
helloimjoshlol 0
ummm calling your son an idiot is not appropriate/nice :/
tappm98 22
wow this shows how much of a Bitch you are for calling your son an idiot..the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
boycrazy30007 12
How old is he. Cause from the word "tummy" I assume under 11. Which means ur kinda a bitch to call a kid an idiot.
sunflower150 4
Because you're cruel and abusive enough to call your son an "idiot", perhaps he was ingesting that Baking Soda in a subconscious suicide attempt to escape the cruelty and emotional/verbal abuse you probably regularly subject him to. Ever thought about that? Idiot.
mahkala10 0
I like how you call your son a idiot. not.
thatismahogany 0
your son didn't understand what it was, it's not his fault. and you don't call your kid idiot. so YDI big time.
dannysalazar1221 0
If you were a better parent that wouldn't have happened you're the idiot here
alissatastic 8
That wouldn't work, he didn't even drink vinegar. :p Jk kids will be kids