Miscellaneous: Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my...

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 21:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 569

You deserved it 2 936

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Our house, in the middle of our street

The runs

By giantsfan2010 - 23/09/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 28 549

By pantless - 23/10/2016 09:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went to a McDonald's drive-thru in just a shirt and underwear, thinking I wouldn't be seeing anyone. I got into a car crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 220

You deserved it 10 573

By Kylene - 23/04/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 708

You deserved it 52 659

By ksgirl - 12/09/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 032

By fmlll - 28/08/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 59 762

By patate - 02/05/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 317

By fatcheeks - 02/03/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 320

You deserved it 4 155

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 09:01 - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 425

You deserved it 3 693

By NoKeyNoCar - 13/08/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 975

You deserved it 3 269

By American Idiot - 20/09/2016 19:25 - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 808

You deserved it 1 436

By trippiex - 30/11/2019 20:00

Today, I was driving by the carnival and I really had to use the bathroom. I saw a porta-potty next to a house, so I parked in their front yard to use the bathroom very quickly. I came out to see a group of teenage boys urinating on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 808

By my ears are dying - 22/06/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 5 327

High expectations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was super flattered to find out that one of my former white collar colleagues recommended me for a job. It wasn’t until the phone interview that I realized it was at the lunch counter at her new office building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 74

By phonnah - 20/06/2012 17:59 - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 222

You deserved it 3 208

By nothanks - 01/05/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 818

You deserved it 5 460

Nothing honey, nothing

By Anemity_is_my_name - 05/11/2020 05:02

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 179

By Elizabeh - 08/11/2009 22:38 - Canada

Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 648

You deserved it 3 855

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 12:18

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 160

By numb fingers - 15/04/2016 05:54 - United States - Banning

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 914

You deserved it 3 721

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 3 326

Wankers of the world unite!

By ari - 19/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 820

You deserved it 53 110

By ST3PH - 09/07/2009 19:17 - Canada

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 518

You deserved it 3 674

By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - 12/07/2015 19:56 - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 037

You deserved it 2 865

By WaffleJesus - 07/10/2015 08:29 - United States

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 217

You deserved it 2 544

Imagine if we had a social safety net…

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 19:56

Today, I was called selfish for complaining about COVID lockdowns. Thanks to lockdowns, my family's restaurant has been permanently closed, I've burned through all my savings, and we are going to lose our house. I guess being upset about my family's plight is selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 146

By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 175

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 7 007

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 773

You deserved it 28 391

By sopheeah - 29/05/2012 07:54 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 435

You deserved it 2 898

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 624

You deserved it 3 872

By Username - 30/12/2009 11:30 - France

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 30 602

By the long distance guy - 08/04/2014 07:56 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 695

You deserved it 6 968

My Baby Boy

By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 131

By robm - 26/07/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 306

You deserved it 4 649

By cavallo31 - 28/06/2016 00:47 - United States

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 891

You deserved it 862

By allisonpaige21 - 18/06/2015 22:31 - United States - Quitman

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 5 117

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 1 505

By jennag5 - 24/03/2012 06:45 - Canada - Claresholm

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 261

You deserved it 10 669

By nannynomore - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 206

You deserved it 3 092

By yashika - 03/07/2019 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I discovered that it doesn’t matter where I move, I will always wake up at 5 a.m. to the sound of construction directly above my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 122

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Top comments

Dark__Angel66 24

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:43

Even though you're grounded, don't let that stop you from working out! Congrats for all your hard work, don't let your brother's jealousy get in the way :)

lanco_fml 10

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:41

stay true to your self and out a breeding on your brother

lanco_fml 10

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:41

stay true to your self and out a breeding on your brother

tiana000 12

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:46

And while you're at it, revenge might be nice

omgitsmoe 26

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Sunday 29 September 2013 9:25

I think OP have a new punching bag at home

His_Holiness 18

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Monday 30 September 2013 8:43

If OP hasn't smoked any he could just ask for a drug test to prove it

tjv3 10

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 2:48

Go to the drug store Get a home drug test. Pee in the cup Show your mom Dump cup on your brother's head Go back to gym

Zazoo1995 23

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:42

#LegalizeMarijuana

Xatraris 37

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:43

This isn't Twitter. We can stop with the hash tags.

Jaaared_ 15

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:44

3, just look at his profile pic. He even looks like an idiot.

Dark__Angel66 24

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:43

Even though you're grounded, don't let that stop you from working out! Congrats for all your hard work, don't let your brother's jealousy get in the way :)

MCRaddict15 15

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Sunday 29 September 2013 9:04

Exactly. OP should make a show of working out/stretching at home and continue working hard.

MissBubblesXoxo 17

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Sunday 29 September 2013 10:41

Orrr since you are lot stronger now, you may kick the jealousy outta your brother's ass and teach that liar a lesson :)

domolovesyoshi 33

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Sunday 29 September 2013 18:56

that's going to go down well with their mother

Miss_Latina 13

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:43

Haters gonna hate!

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Sunday 29 September 2013 9:16

Potatoes gonna potate.

fml121785 14

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Sunday 29 September 2013 12:15

Tomatoes gonna mate!

Forenzics 10

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Sunday 29 September 2013 17:51

Every time I see that phrase haters gonna hate I think of this in my head lmao

lishajoy777 14

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:44

Well did you?

Obey_StudBoii 23

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Sunday 29 September 2013 9:52

Read the FML again.

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 29 September 2013 10:05

But I can't read. :(

Pwn17 25

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Sunday 29 September 2013 10:26

Wait, how did you read the comment saying to read if you can't read? ...I've got my eyes on you.

starile 19

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Sunday 29 September 2013 10:27

Poor little illiterate pokemon. Just rustle back into the forest and wait for some Bug Catcher to wade into the tall grass. Then smoke it, since OP isn't.

MrSassypants 32

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Monday 30 September 2013 2:09

#38 I couldn't read your question.... I mean what question?

Melix 31

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:44

Did she let you explain that your brother was lying or did she still shut you down?

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 29 September 2013 10:11

OP did try to tell her but the mom struck back with the statement that "GYM" was an acronym that stood for "Getting Yummy Marijuana."

YoshiPL 8

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Sunday 29 September 2013 11:54

33 you just made my day

JaegerMayCry 13

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Sunday 29 September 2013 18:18

Wait, that's what gym stands for? I been doing it all wrong! screw working out, fluorescent dragons with gutars here I come!

anitriarose 5

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Monday 30 September 2013 4:37

63 - what's a gutar

worldclassrager 39

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:44

Take your brother with you..,or work out at home a bit more...

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Sunday 29 September 2013 9:19

OP should not have to do either of those things. His brother should just not be an asshole.

worldclassrager 39

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Monday 30 September 2013 7:57

His brother is jealous so he might want to know a few tricks to weightlifting...

lanco_fml 10

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:45

stay true to your self..jealousy is easier to obtain then muscle

singer0421 32

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:46

Jealousy is a bitch.

sunnyray812 42

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Sunday 29 September 2013 8:46

Nobody goes to the gym to smoke weed. Your mom should've believed you. Plus your brother has no proof.

reeses_pieces12 7

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Sunday 29 September 2013 13:00

Haha, yes they do. That's actually a more common excuse than you'd think! Going to the gym, going to the library, taking a walk in the park to enjoy the weather, helping your friends' parents with gardening or cleaning the garage...We had a very fit, literate, nature-appreciative nature-appreciating, helpful community of teenagers when I was growing up.

reeses_pieces12 7

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Sunday 29 September 2013 13:01

*nature-appreciating (just once, so much for careful editing...)

MikeonFML 17

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Sunday 29 September 2013 14:20

In a condensed and blunt form of the comment above, teens lie about going to the gym to smoke weed elsewhere. You're correct most don't smoke at the gym itself