Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
BamxBitch 0
Awe, I hope he is okay. That's a FYL, but it's pretty ****** up that you're calling him an idiot. I assume he's just a child if he wants to "make a volcano in his tummy".
bookworm124 0
Awwww... I hope he feels better! To you asses that said that he should know better, he's probably just a kid. What grown adult would want to make a "volcano in his tummy?" Kids don't know better.
Kiwi_09 0
You do NOT call your song an idiot. That's not okay.
falling_over 0
This, you worthless bitch, is what you are going to end up doing to your son with an attitude like that. I'm talking to the original poster, of course, not you #168. I understand why you left it anonymous. I wouldn't want people to know i was this big a bitch either.
cinderssmoke 0
This is why retroactive abortion should be legal.
ashy_rawr 0
YDI you shouldnt have left it where he could reach
HotSauce_fml 0
you're a terrible parent. i hope you die so your son can have decent foster parents.
namelessfew 0
I lol'd. At least you understand your child is an idiot.
goodtimesx2 0
YDI for calling your son an idoit...asshole
The_Cait 0
That's what I was just about to say. If the kid is still young enough to be saying "tummy" then the OP is a prick of calling him an idiot. It's not like it's some 16 year old stoner being a dumb ass [at least that's not how it appears based on the wording]. I hope your son is okay, and I hope you take note of some of these comments and become a kinder, more attentive parent.
purplepickle 0
you know what? F his life, not yours. he's the one who was poisoned by all the baking soda. he's the one with the father who shouldn't be a father. and it sounds like he's a little kid, they do all kinds of strange experiments, its just part of raising them. you don't just call your son an idiot. YDI
bmach 0
Natural selection at its finest. Hopefully your idiot son refrains from reproduction.