Cats and Animals: My precious baby

My precious baby

By Anonymous - 08/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 673

You deserved it 8 729

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Nicole557 - 03/11/2011 10:56 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 504

You deserved it 10 495

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 2 176

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 286

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 844

You deserved it 4 613

Feral kitty

By Polar Bear 2020 - 24/04/2024 17:30 - India

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 77

Cat mojo

By Oww - 09/08/2022 00:00

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 155

Happy Caturday

By Cat Fight - 02/07/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 413

By aherdofpigs - 02/09/2013 19:22 - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 082

You deserved it 21 071

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 253

You deserved it 7 312

The creepy guy next door

By Anonymous - 05/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 099

You deserved it 4 479

hghrider123456 9

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:07

So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here

DocBastard 38

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:10

ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.

Comments

raddybear 11

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:45

These comments smh.... some people should not own pets

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:47

Great wording...but the category of animals was the set off... Send it to the pound...it's cruel but it's the only way...

wholock 12

Saturday 9 November 2013 10:59

Just like 81 said, being an asshole does not deserve a death sentence. What it, everything any human being was being the slightest bit annoying, we could put them on death row? Yeah. I'm sure you would change your mind right away if it effected you.

Wolf87535 4

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:50

Upgrade to a dog.

kmccain 27

Saturday 9 November 2013 15:36

You mean downgrade to a dog.

Mirorbo 26

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:53

I really have to hand it to people getting more and more creative when writing these FMLs.

rflurry94 6

Saturday 9 November 2013 5:55

just get a dog. the cat will take out its anger on it and will therefore love you more

Norja 33

Saturday 9 November 2013 6:00

This FML is well written. I would hit the cat ( not hard) every time it scratched you and eventually it will learn to stop because of the consequence.

ksks1234 33

Saturday 9 November 2013 6:24

Or she hits back...with claws.

Dave_Davington 33

Saturday 9 November 2013 7:33

Personally, I'd grab it by the scruff of the neck, hold its head against the ground and scream at it for a bit. I doesn't actually hurt the cat, but it keeps it from fighting back and really scares ten shades of shit out of the little bastard. Sorely needed on OP's cat if it's scratching his face for funsies.