I think you mean twat-swatted

Listen to your cat. Cats are God. Do NOT disobey or you will be smited!

I knew there was going to be so many pussy jokes, I just knew it.

hiss hiss ************

#79, dogs are gods if anything with 'dog' being 'god' backwards and all...

I guess you could say your......pussy whipped

*you're -_-

There's a few ******* I'm even pussy enough to put my face near those *******. Pussy. Sorry, I had to add another pussy to my pussy rant about those god damn stinky *******!

25 - Annndd you killed it.

I won't lie, #2, I work with cats and I know just how much damage and angry cat can do, and the nasty infections that can come from their bites and scratches. That being said, OP could probably grab a blanket and throw it over the cat to move it to another room.

This is why we can't have nice things.

no wtf

You tried to be funny, you failed, and you ended up sounding like a heartless asshole.

Don't worry man, I thought it was funny since I know what satire is unlike these fools. No one is really going to kill the poor thing, you just wanted to make a joke. People need to take things less seriously.

Because the death of a pet should be taken lightly and with humor....how about no?

So when you hear a joke about a rabbi walking into a bar, you instantly think or anti-

Or the washing machine. At least that has a window so you can watch the little furry shit.

You Evil Mastermind

I didn't say to turn it on..

I vote a shower cabinet... Water torture that vile cat!

How, when OP can't even leave the apartment?

Maybe, but then he'd have to add the cat as an additional driver on his insurance and that can get expensive.

I think he was autocorrected. My phone hates cats too.

8- A fire escape, perhaps?

Cat premiums are through the roof right now, too. Plus,.if he's under 4 you've got a teen driver. Ugh, FYL OP!

Also, I must add that my bottom ad is now Geico which killed me.

How do you know the cat is even feline like driving?

more like i love you so much that no one can have you

The Japanese have a term for this kind of love.. Yandere.

If you got laid for every pussy pun on here you'd be rollin in the pussy.

Well considering 9 is female and most likely straight, I'm pretty sure she would be rolling in D instead.

Can you imagine a ball pit of disembodied penises? What would it feel like? How terrible would it smell?

51, that is quite a disturbing thought!

Unless she's bi, then she's rolling in puddles of joy.

Lol seriously guys, I'd prefer to not roll in any kind of genitals. I'm happy with just the invisible money:)

C'mon. I'm sure at one point in our lives, we've all thought of the best way to dispose of a body/human remains. I can honestly say that I have & instead of allowing a wave of absolute rage to wash over me and consume me, I imagine the cause that triggered my sudden blind rage in a million pieces. If you know the secret to "hiding" a corpse or dismembered body parts, for heavens sake keep your mouth shut.

#70 What the hell are you talking about?

How, when OP can't leave the apartment? I don't think they deliver cat nip, or priests.

It's amazing what you can purchase when you shop online...

thats probably not going to help, since OP can't leave their apartment. How would they check the mail?

You can most definitely call a priest and ask him to come over, though most wouldn't unless you are family or a very close friend. They tend not to believe that animals have souls and therefore cannot be possessed.

they make crates for animals.

hmm this is true. maybe if that cat thinks he is taking him with him?