Transportation: Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had...

By GTR - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

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Transportation

Late term

Recycling helps

Great guy

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

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By Brody89 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

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By ohman - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

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By NoValentine - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

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By noantiquesforme - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

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By girlshavepenises - New Zealand

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2020 08:02

Constructive criticism

Today, I had just finished a really intense workout in my garage gym. It was chilly outside, but I crossed the road home in my shorts, as I was still pretty hot and sweaty. A woman walked by and asked, "Aren't you cold, you skinny little whore?" FML

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By Milked Richard - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

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By analbel

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

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By are you kidding me???? - United States - Chaplin

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

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By thanks dad - 1/8/2020 02:02

In my day…

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

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By OhWait - United States - Schenectady

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

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By Helena

Today, I was on my Wheel of Time fanfiction roleplay chatting seductively with my virtual lover while taking a break from doing some work, only to realize that I had accidentally sent the revenue report to my fellow fanfiction lover and used magic to undress my boss. FML

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By crop circle galore - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2020 19:00

I don't care

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

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648

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By JessP - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

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By drebel - United States

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

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By Stuckinbed - 19/3/2020 21:00

Hippity hoppity

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

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By hairless - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

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By honutattoo - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Conspiracy.

Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

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By Tooks - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

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By crazyclumzy - Canada

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Russell Springs

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

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By kids are meh - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

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By John - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

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By phonesage - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

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By Thanksiguess

Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

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By staticman101 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

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By lolo - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

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By staringisrude - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Qualicum Beach

Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with: "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML

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By dadisgoatboy - Switzerland

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

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By sarahh38 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

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By Kybo5 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

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By jflac - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Horseheads

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

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Top comments

By guitarbeast | 22

#2604637 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:57

at least they didn't steal your car…

By kut19 | 6

#2604693 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:10

avoid the ghetto. just...avoid the ghetto.

COMMENTS

By Cjeezy | 0

#2604606 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:53

darn...

nerdpower_fml | 1

#2604775 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:22

Use this as an excuse to get shnazzy new rims.

Kawboy | 1

#2604896 - Thursday 2 June 2011 10:02

How the hell do you get your hubcaps stolen 10 min after buying a car?!

808Boyo | 4

#2605342 - Thursday 2 June 2011 14:00

my car alarm is so sensitive...if my car is locked and someone even hits my tire slightly, it goes off. and it's loud.

staceysgenesis16 | 0

#2607928 - Thursday 2 June 2011 22:16

oh... cheap car huh? nice. get some rims on that bitch.

JacksonCampbell | 9

#2608394 - Thursday 2 June 2011 23:35

Compton?

By itsmeppl | 0

#2604613 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:54

:( well then today sucked didn't it. I feel sorry for you.

funktown | 2

#2605047 - Thursday 2 June 2011 11:29

at least they didn't take the whole thing

daltyboy | 0

#2685488 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:17

34, true

daltyboy | 0

#2685490 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:17

34, true

daltyboy | 0

#2685491 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:17

34, true

By ariannaimelda | 7

#2604616 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:55

Aww, sorry about that buddy :(

GreenMaze | 0

#2604700 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:11

at least you had the chance see it for ten minutes and your car is still there.

By OrgasmicBunnies | 9

#2604628 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:56

hub caps are overrated anyway. Now you will be the cool cat with vintage wheels showing.

By martinezohhh | 0

#2604634 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:56

hahahaa.

By BountyBass | 13

#2604635 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:56

fyl u suda got alloys

horneyhic | 15

#2604714 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:14

some factory alloys have hub caps too

By guitarbeast | 22

#2604637 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:57

at least they didn't steal your car…

By zaku2capt | 1

#2604662 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:01

Oh well least the cars not on cinderblocks

By zaku2capt | 1

#2604666 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:01

Oh well least the cars not on cinderblocks

By CallMeHush | 0

#2604676 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:03

Someone has new bling! I hope that wasn't your favorite part of the car.

tomuchtohandle | 6

#5779353 - Thursday 5 December 2013 5:50

Lol if hub caps are your favorite part of a car, then you might just be awesome