Transportation: Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had...

By GTR - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

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32185

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Transportation

Out of it

Walk on the wild side

Send virtual hugs

By At least she knows I floss - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

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2461

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By Snowzies - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

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37885

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By lostforlife - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles, when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML

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30208

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By Ineedlotsofwater - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's thinking I had a UTI. Turns out I have an STD. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 04:57 - Germany

Childfree

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I want to get my tubes tied, because I don’t want kids and can’t stand the fear of getting pregnant by accident, despite contraception, which has happened before. He summarized: “So, the main point is to preserve your fertility, right?” Wrong. FML

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1505

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By GopherJR - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

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27766

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By damn cats

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

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2344

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By nonnie31 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

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14244

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By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

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40768

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

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45159

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By TotaledBeamer

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Durham

Get out of there!

Today, after I can't count how many times, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to break MORE things in our home, because I asked him not to let our son speak to me rudely. His response, "He said 'OK' so you should have shut up." Basically, he's raising my kid to treat me like he does. FML

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969

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523

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By Tom

Long day

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

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3639

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1436

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By Anonymous

Today, I finished hauling all of my possessions from another state, because I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend. I was just waiting to find a job. Almost as soon as my stuff was delivered, she broke up with me and told me to figure out getting it all back by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1997

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160

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By fish killer - United States

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

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27685

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10046

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By shotdown - United States - San Francisco

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

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22489

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By ribx - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

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11669

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

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29735

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5564

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By alexander - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

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7619

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By Love stinks - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

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83343

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By Guitar-ZERO - United States

Today, my band had a show. We played a love song, and during the bridge, I ask out a friend of mine who was in the crowd, over the mic, in front of at least 200 people. She said no. FML

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54304

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 16:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

Stealth attack

Today, I was cooking when I got jumped from behind by my friend's cat, who thought my back would make a great lookout perch. Yesterday he tried to sharpen his claws on me. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't look like a tree trunk, but maybe I need glasses. FML

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648

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141

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By jsalmons - Germany

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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59372

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By bear - Norway - Bod?

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

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21877

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By Anonymous

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

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2666

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By Faithy - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

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9711

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By chels

Plebs need not apply.

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML

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3788

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By Fucked. - 26/4/2021 07:59

Oh nooooo

Today, my supervisor at work is now my father-in-law. My girlfriend told me that. FML

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705

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

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1963

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272

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By commando - United States

Today, I was preparing to perform with my marching band at a competition. Right before we went on, a tuba player friend of mine offered to help me stretch. He wound up snapping my bra. I'm a drum major, and had to conduct the entire show while my boobs were falling out. FML

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41919

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By Anonymous - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

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49188

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By chewybarseventy - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

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34354

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my lovely amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles and out of my window. FML

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26798

You deserved it

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By ChopSuey - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

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14807

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By Joe Lizen - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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34069

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By shunned - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

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34500

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By DJ Clitter - United States

Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML

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Top comments

By guitarbeast | 22

#2604637 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:57

at least they didn't steal your car…

By kut19 | 6

#2604693 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:10

avoid the ghetto. just...avoid the ghetto.

COMMENTS

By Cjeezy | 0

#2604606 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:53

darn...

nerdpower_fml | 1

#2604775 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:22

Use this as an excuse to get shnazzy new rims.

Kawboy | 1

#2604896 - Thursday 2 June 2011 10:02

How the hell do you get your hubcaps stolen 10 min after buying a car?!

808Boyo | 4

#2605342 - Thursday 2 June 2011 14:00

my car alarm is so sensitive...if my car is locked and someone even hits my tire slightly, it goes off. and it's loud.

staceysgenesis16 | 0

#2607928 - Thursday 2 June 2011 22:16

oh... cheap car huh? nice. get some rims on that bitch.

JacksonCampbell | 9

#2608394 - Thursday 2 June 2011 23:35

Compton?

By itsmeppl | 0

#2604613 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:54

:( well then today sucked didn't it. I feel sorry for you.

funktown | 2

#2605047 - Thursday 2 June 2011 11:29

at least they didn't take the whole thing

daltyboy | 0

#2685488 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:17

34, true

daltyboy | 0

#2685490 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:17

34, true

daltyboy | 0

#2685491 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:17

34, true

By ariannaimelda | 7

#2604616 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:55

Aww, sorry about that buddy :(

GreenMaze | 0

#2604700 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:11

at least you had the chance see it for ten minutes and your car is still there.

By OrgasmicBunnies | 9

#2604628 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:56

hub caps are overrated anyway. Now you will be the cool cat with vintage wheels showing.

By martinezohhh | 0

#2604634 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:56

hahahaa.

By BountyBass | 13

#2604635 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:56

fyl u suda got alloys

horneyhic | 15

#2604714 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:14

some factory alloys have hub caps too

By guitarbeast | 22

#2604637 - Thursday 2 June 2011 8:57

at least they didn't steal your car…

By zaku2capt | 1

#2604662 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:01

Oh well least the cars not on cinderblocks

By zaku2capt | 1

#2604666 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:01

Oh well least the cars not on cinderblocks

By CallMeHush | 0

#2604676 - Thursday 2 June 2011 9:03

Someone has new bling! I hope that wasn't your favorite part of the car.

tomuchtohandle | 6

#5779353 - Thursday 5 December 2013 5:50

Lol if hub caps are your favorite part of a car, then you might just be awesome