By radioinvader - Canada - Kingston

Freaked out

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML

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Season finale

Tidy your room

Online classes can be tricky

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

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By Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

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By GeorgiaBOYY - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

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By Insane Guy - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

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By Brokeandangry

Today, I bought my kids new mattresses for their new beds. Within 24 hours my son did a cannon ball onto his sister's bed to prove that it wouldn't break. The box spring snapped in half. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

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By Ondskansgris - Sweden

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

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By MikeMoosey - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

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By Carnage23 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

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By doughgirl101 - Canada

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

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By cait - United States

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

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By Immafail

Today, my mother decided to "help me" by throwing out the stack of papers on my desk. Unfortunately, those were all my notes for my final exams. FML

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By my bad - 24/9/2020 01:58 - United States

Brain fart

Today, I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. Not knowing him very well, I accidentally called him by her ex’s name. He took that as a sign she was still seeing the ex and dumped her on the spot. She’s now not speaking to me for ruining her life. I’m just bad with names. FML

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By GrandTheftArson - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

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By Dontsitsitandyoudie - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got back to my car with a note cussing me out for parking in a disabled space when I’m clearly not disabled. They also smashed my windows. It’s true, I’m not disabled, but I also wasn’t parked in a disabled space. I was parked in a normal space next to the disabled spaces. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

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By jaym42013 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

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By HotelClerk - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

Today, I vented to my friend about how unhappy I am and how I want to kill myself. What did she say? "Don't do that." That was it. FML

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By Theslacker... - United States - Coplay

Today, a number of people came to visit me in the hospital, including my grandparents. They called me "weak" and "a cowardly millennial" for going to the ER instead of sucking it up, and blamed me for rising healthcare costs. I had a compound fracture. FML

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By handlin - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

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By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

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By takeiteasy - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

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By oopsydaisy - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

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By let it go! - United States - Hesperia

Today, my ex from high school is married and has kids but still found time to make yet another fake profile to berate me for cheating on him when we were 17. I've already blocked him, moved states, and changed my number twice. We're in our 30s. Fml

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

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By MitchFail - United States

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

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By Lindsey Taul - United States - Granite City

Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML

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Top comments

By brohamas16 | 7

#5091319 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:51

Hah I'd make my kid do the same thing

By Pleonasm | 34

#5091323 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:52

Slenderman: Origins

COMMENTS

By brohamas16 | 7

#5091319 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:51

Hah I'd make my kid do the same thing

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5091455 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:21

Those parents are awesome.

Reply

RaggleFrock | 13

#5091657 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:27

He's the human version on ninja cat. I salute his parents!

Reply

kat4x1track | 5

#5091702 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:39

I'm pretty sure someone would slap the kid if they were scared enough. Haha

Reply

meganfoxissexy | 0

#5091712 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:40

Little kids can get away with that kind of stuff :)

Reply

ConBroChilll | 9

#5092461 - Monday 29 October 2012 3:26

Is this the heir of slenderman?

Reply

guitarist410 | 5

#5092556 - Monday 29 October 2012 4:17

7, 8, he has a rake?

Reply

looloothing | 9

#5092896 - Monday 29 October 2012 6:27

It's like those angels on Dr Who.

Reply

supapeas | 0

#5094981 - Monday 29 October 2012 21:30

This should be on Not Always Right OP

MAKE IT HAPPEN

By Accuraxy | 10

#5091321 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:51

Watch out OP..he's coming for you..

Reply

graffitied_love | 20

#5091387 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:01

Yea he's coming for you!
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
better run better run, faster than my gun :)

Reply

SweetieForEva | 3

#5091563 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:54

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run and run faster than my bullet

Reply

sheethapins | 13

#5091708 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:40

1... 2... Their kid's coming for you...

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5091916 - Sunday 28 October 2012 19:08

67) 3, 4, better lock your door.

Reply

spiritfang11237 | 16

#5092359 - Monday 29 October 2012 2:18

88- 5. 6. Hear the cracking sticks?

Reply

technochik3 | 12

#5092869 - Monday 29 October 2012 6:13

watcha gonna do when he comes for you?

Reply

SammyS2012 | 21

#5093911 - Monday 29 October 2012 15:33

88- it should be "5,6 grab a crucifix"

By Pleonasm | 34

#5091323 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:52

Slenderman: Origins

Reply

ALlamaOnFire | 20

#5091590 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:01

No no, IT'S THE WEEPING ANGELS!
Doctor Who anyone... :)

Reply

Pleonasm | 34

#5091604 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:06

The comment you're looking for is down there: vvv (#12)
:p

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5091678 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:33

This is not the comment you're looking for...

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#5091747 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:54

He can go about his business…

Reply

LiesAndMischief | 4

#5092126 - Sunday 28 October 2012 20:31

Slenderman's a better reference in my opinion, anyway. :P

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#5092329 - Monday 29 October 2012 1:46

And the static grew in strength, filling the whole screen.

Reply

radioinvader | 9

#5096065 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 2:34

Good thing I work at a service centre. That kid was long gone by the time I left that day.

By SammyS2012 | 21

#5091326 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:52

they're coming to get you Barbara... Er... OP.

By Cartera | 10

#5091331 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:52

Makes me think of the Paranormal Activity 4 commercial for some reason..

Reply

sumbum95 | 15

#5091372 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:59

I saw that last night... Creeepy.

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5091941 - Sunday 28 October 2012 19:13

Stupid*

By Girreth | 7

#5091335 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:53

Not sure if SCP reference or Minecraft reference...

Reply

SenselessPattern | 12

#5091538 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:46

God damnit, which one of you D-Class personnel let SCP-173 out of containment? You're going to be [REDACTED] immediately.

Reply

jewwybeanzzz | 10

#5091719 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:44

Enderman! Don't look into his eyes!

By ApologyKick | 25

#5091337 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:53

Quick, kill the parents. Wouldn't want them to raise more kids and teach them to be trolls.

Reply

FlyinTurtle | 7

#5091632 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:18

Well that escalated quickly!

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5091922 - Sunday 28 October 2012 19:09

That didn't escalate, that skyrocketed.

By Welshite | 39

#5091341 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:53

He's watched the Ninja Cat video too many times.

Reply

SanpakuEyes | 18

#5092133 - Sunday 28 October 2012 20:38

Totally what I was thinking! lol

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5092302 - Monday 29 October 2012 0:44

Me too! It's a ninja baby!

By BriannaRWatson | 13

#5091349 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:54

Children these days...bahaha!

Reply

CheeseTron | 15

#5091410 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:07

What are you? A sheep?

Reply

CheeseTron | 15

#5091453 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:20

Nevermind guys. Totally thought that was a "b"

Reply

CheeseTron | 15

#5091459 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:22

Wait a second! It is a "b"! Sheep! Sheeeeeeeeeeeep!

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5091493 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:34

What.

Reply

Pleonasm | 34

#5091531 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:45

The.

Reply

Posthuman | 26

#5091552 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:50

Snergle.

Reply

SenselessPattern | 12

#5091587 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:01

If a sheep went "bahaha", I would probably shit a brick.

Reply

MormonPornstar | 7

#5091668 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:31

Sheep do make that noise. Just uh... FYI

Reply

sheethapins | 13

#5092291 - Monday 29 October 2012 0:17

Really? And all this time I thought they just said "baa." Thank goodness for you to correct me on this, now quick call all child book authors and toy makers so they can make the necessary adjustments.

By mhopper | 13

#5091351 - Sunday 28 October 2012 15:54

Red light! Green light!

Reply

crimsonlover4 | 31

#5091440 - Sunday 28 October 2012 16:13

Slenderman.

Reply

crimsonlover4 | 31

#5091647 - Sunday 28 October 2012 17:24

Guess nobody enjoys "Red light. Green light. Slenderman" like I do. *shrugs*

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5091934 - Sunday 28 October 2012 19:11

I don't. I like to throw raves for him.