Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML
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Top comments
lulubelles 33
Did you Scream?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Painful times a-head, my friend.
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Comments (125)
TwoOneFive 11
I was scared for a second, I thought he was going to say she bit it off but bite marks are horrible
Da_burn 6
If you were watching a zombie movie this incident would be somewhat ironic...
zen1979 16
Not exactly the proper use of the term ironic but your intended mssg is clear
LemonandLime 13
Not somewhat ironic. Completely not ironic.
PerditaDessa 38
85 & 104, It actually is ironic. One of the definitions of ironic deals with coincidental or unexpected behavior. It would not be a form of irony, but it is ironic.
theamazingone_12 7
now you know not to watch horror movies while getting a bj
mzmush 2
The next time you two should watch a war movie, so you can introduce her to your little soldiers
Paul Laurent 15
something tells me I could have forgiven you
Pleonasm 35
It's the horrific tale of ****-teasing and the dreadful blue-balls that ensues. Every man's worst nightmare: it'll be sure to make more than a few faint.
Jac_d_ipper 10
OP, now you can say that your GF has left her mark on your future.
perdix 29
That's the completely wrong genre to watch when receiving head. I only get ******** while watching C-SPAN.
ksks1234 33
And extra drool (lube) when she falls asleep. Win!
sugarshane007 20
Don't explain the joke. It's just tacky.
Snowkeys 11
Yeah.. Never have a comedy movie on in the background while having sex. Your partner doesn't appreciate it when you randomly start laughing.
SuperDanielNL 23
How could you not have forseen that? I mean us men think with our penisses how come OP's penis has no sense of self-preservation?
Schiffy 18
Guess you were thinking with the wrong head then....
morthug 11
Black swan??