Miscellaneous: Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than...

By DosSantos - 03/08/2017 00:30

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 963

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Same thing different taste

By badtrip - 03/03/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 300

You deserved it 33 485

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 568

You deserved it 6 956

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 294

You deserved it 12 382

By houdini - 03/02/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 955

You deserved it 11 705

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 15:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I came back home from a 3-month trip to see my boyfriend and his family. Leaving them was obviously very emotional, and to top it off as soon as I got home, I realized I'd left my antidepressants behind, and I now have the flu as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 149

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 424

You deserved it 4 790

By Lilie - 17/12/2008 10:25 - France

Today, my boyfriend came round to drop off some underwear, which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 380

You deserved it 2 513

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 004

You deserved it 28 780

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 281

You deserved it 81 096

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 305

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 3 August 2017 0:46

You went to Hungary and came back Thirsty?

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 3 August 2017 4:56

OP: why did you buy more condoms in Hungary?

Comments

Glowworm56 26

Thursday 3 August 2017 0:38

Sounds like the condoms got luckier than you did!

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 3 August 2017 0:46

You went to Hungary and came back Thirsty?

Ainarr 29

Thursday 3 August 2017 1:02

were you, like, there with someone, or did you expect to have sex with a few randos on the way?

jfsiv 17

Thursday 3 August 2017 3:17

That's societies way of telling you to please do not procreate.

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 3 August 2017 4:56

OP: why did you buy more condoms in Hungary?

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 3 August 2017 10:03

Wait, what?? Did someone give you extra condoms and tell you not to reproduce?

jkjorn 16

Thursday 3 August 2017 15:35

Must have been embarrassing having to declare them at Customs..

InfiniteSecret 20

Wednesday 9 August 2017 15:58

Why would you have to declare them? ????

dima_1200000954 1

Friday 4 August 2017 0:58

How did this happen??

GhostFox 33

Sunday 6 August 2017 16:12

Sounds like you should look up some of those life hacks involving condoms. At least they won't go to waste that way.

Talented73 54

Monday 7 August 2017 1:55

Everybody knows, you fill them with water and throw them off the roof.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 811

You deserved it 9 769

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 3 777

The Top

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 036

You deserved it 16 207

Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 102

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 110

You deserved it 4 333

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 129

You deserved it 2 802

Today, after months of job searching I got a job interview. I also later got a phone call from the manager informing me they burned down, and all current employees will be relocated or dismissed, and that my interview, scheduled for tomorrow, is postponed indefinitely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 2 259

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 013

You deserved it 4 678

Same thing different taste

Welcome back!

Memory loss

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