Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain,... - FML

By Jammy238 - 1/2/2010 05:27 - France

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

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Family values

British Broadcasting Corporation

Live dumping

By JillianJuneBug - 4/2/2017 00:00 - United States - Elmira

Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML

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By anonymouschicka - 1/8/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML

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By Shutup! - 31/10/2014 10:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the fire alarm keeps going off at my apartment. Not only is the noise ear-piercingly loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood, there's also a big flashing red light in case the deafening sound isn't enough. This is my day off. It's going on all day. FML

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By t.hughes - 1/4/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

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By Amandajean32 - 5/8/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

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By ash - 13/6/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

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By Powerless111 - 15/10/2019 20:00

Freedom of speech

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 06:06 - United States

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

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By Wrongtoilet - 12/7/2010 08:28 - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

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By DepressedCellist - 27/9/2018 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

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By I am not amused! - 3/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2013 05:24 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

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By obeezy - 30/4/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

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By kyla - 24/4/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

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By rubberduck1 - 16/11/2012 05:04 - United States - Mattoon

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

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By Ferniferousfern - 20/8/2018 18:30

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2013 06:18 - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

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By Italian_Stallion - 16/2/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 03:48 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

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By ChubbyAmerican - 22/5/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

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By inconnue - 18/3/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

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By Dinger1992 - 23/10/2012 13:19 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

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By iliku - 1/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

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By finalyearsofhate - 13/3/2017 22:00

Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML

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By mainey92 - 25/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

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By misspriss - 17/2/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

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By DaChief - 31/5/2016 03:17 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML

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By UHLSucksSTL - 6/10/2016 15:50 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By fuck you btichass cuntshit - 20/8/2015 16:18 - United States - Shelburne

Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML

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By minnEmouse - 21/6/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

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By "Gvinson36" - 6/9/2017 01:30

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

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By desperate - 5/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

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By katiekat - 5/1/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 06:25 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 18:20 - United States - Fresno

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2012 13:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

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Top comments

By QWERTYCommander | 5

#815339 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:17

What happened to the dogs?

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#815874 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:50

I was gonna ask, and I wasn't kidding. Hope your dogs are ok.

Comments

By daredeval756 | 0

#815336 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:16

ydi for not checking the weather.

Reply

me199 | 0

#815639 - Monday 1 February 2010 15:11

What are stinging nettles?

Reply

Gibby_fml | 0

#815868 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:46

a bush that has thorns on its branches.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#815870 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:48

No no, it's not prickly; the stinging is because its leaves make your hands tingly / painful the longer you touch them. It's a defense mechanism to keep animals from eating them. It hurts.

Reply

Austino713 | 0

#818039 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:05

FYL * 50896484549260260160150-60-60150 tht just suks

Reply

JohnnyHobo | 0

#1198020 - Friday 6 August 2010 11:56

Sooo what happened to the dogs?

Reply

missmady | 0

#3176171 - Thursday 25 August 2011 6:44

one time my friend pushed my into a branch of stinging nettles while i was wearing shorts. it was awful.

Reply

jesscarrr | 10

#5410117 - Monday 18 March 2013 11:50

Fuuuck I hate stinging nettle! It's all over my horses paddock. I was weeding it all out with gloves on and it still got through and stung the crap out of my hands! :(

By QWERTYCommander | 5

#815339 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:17

What happened to the dogs?

Reply

Ochi_fml | 0

#815353 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:20

the dogs were prolly laughing their fueey asses off

Reply

hehe_oops | 2

#815377 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:27

the dogs eaother fell in swam then climbed out, or stood there looking at the OP
does it really matter?

but seriously OP ouch
I've had to do that befor when I got stuck down a ledge

Reply

QWERTYCommander | 5

#815382 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:30

I was just kidding. FYL, OP.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#815874 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:50

I was gonna ask, and I wasn't kidding. Hope your dogs are ok.

Reply

ghadir | 2

#816088 - Monday 1 February 2010 18:32

yeah lol i was gonna ask too..did the dogs die?

Reply

Blazinthatshit | 9

#5577933 - Saturday 13 July 2013 5:48

If the dogs died he wouldn't be making a FML about stinging nettle. He'd be making one about his fucking dogs dieing.

By QuizzyVicky | 0

#815358 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:21

Ouch that sucks so bad

By jpjruler | 0

#815359 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:21

dude are the jellyfish ok!?!?

Reply

helloimkellay | 0

#815372 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:24

wtf?

Reply

jpjruler | 0

#815376 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:27

nettles are jellyfish..... idk if u know that or not ... but they are.... and I was fucking around lol that definatley sucks....

Reply

mikeyboi19 | 5

#815395 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:34

umm no im pretty sure they're not jellyfish

Reply

taycandy96 | 2

#815469 - Monday 1 February 2010 13:11

they better not be jellyfish

Reply

mzhonesty | 0

#815608 - Monday 1 February 2010 14:54

Stinging nettles are plants.

Reply

Hati4Skoll | 0

#815801 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:20

closely related to the jellyfish. just check wikipedia. it's legit.

Reply

harmony88 | 0

#815934 - Monday 1 February 2010 17:15

True. Stinging nettles are closely related to the jellyfish... both are/have nematocytes.

Reply

wut_fml | 0

#816001 - Monday 1 February 2010 17:56

LOL @ people thinking this shit is closely related to jellyfish. Stinging nettle is a plant. It's in a completely different kingdom from jellyfish.

Reply

alexandraa_fml | 0

#816245 - Monday 1 February 2010 19:49

I lol'd at the thought of grabbing onto jellyfish to get back out of the river.
Jammy238: You ninny jellyfish, help me out of the wata'
Jellyfish: Righto chap, grab on.

Reply

DerangedFox | 0

#816337 - Monday 1 February 2010 20:16

I lol'd at this comment ^^^

effing hilarious

Reply

twilightfreak779 | 0

#816464 - Monday 1 February 2010 20:55

lmaooooo

Reply

samudma09 | 0

#818032 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:58

stinging nettle is also another name for a jellyfish

By QTp13 | 10

#815387 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:32

Ouch. That is quite a dilemma >.<

Get well soon OP

Reply

areveillon_fml | 3

#815943 - Monday 1 February 2010 17:19

yes it is!

By barbie_portugal | 0

#815408 - Monday 1 February 2010 12:38

have you done something bad lately? I think that might be your karma.

Reply

i_am_Q | 0

#4187474 - Monday 19 March 2012 19:57

Shut up karmas gay

By iheartjustinsane | 0

#815498 - Monday 1 February 2010 13:24

I hope the dogs didn't run loose or anything...

By arielion | 0

#815511 - Monday 1 February 2010 13:33

a stinging nettle is a plant. how would you use a jelly fish to pull yourself up out of a river??

Reply

silentfog | 0

#815573 - Monday 1 February 2010 14:28

lol

By null_fml | 11

#815543 - Monday 1 February 2010 14:05

So... let me get this straight... you ran for cover because of rain and wind? And it sounds like you lost control of the leashes at some point, too.

YDI entirely... for being an irresponsible owner, and for panicking at precipitation.

By xvolcom893x | 0

#815565 - Monday 1 February 2010 14:22

haha