Health: Today, someone accused me of stuffing my bra when some tissue...

Thank you everyone for your help! My friend suggested I use Monkey Butt powder since her boyfriend uses it for his butt sweat xD so problem solved! I use it everyday :) Still use tissues or washcloth if I know I'll be getting freaky with the BF later so he doesn't taste the powder! (or just use a wipe to clean off lol)

Health

Our house, in the middle of our street

Nepotism rules

Frittering it away

04/01/2009 05:39

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 004

You deserved it 25 226

29/08/2013 18:48

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 656

You deserved it 3 589

06/10/2009 07:12

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 36 951

09/12/2016 19:14

Today, I passed out on the way to work. Some lucky passerby took this as an opportunity to help themself to my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 989

You deserved it 767

14/12/2009 09:05

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 904

You deserved it 4 511

06/09/2012 16:51

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 960

You deserved it 4 756

22/08/2015 03:59

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 122

You deserved it 4 031

I am sexy

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 18:00

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 462

Alexa, play "Never Enough" by The Cure

By guess who - 07/05/2021 13:59

Today, I made a 99 on my history test. Proud of myself, I went to tell my mom. She cut me off to say, "If it’s less than a 100, you’re fucking grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 76

SHAME!

By Poowee - 18/09/2009 04:29

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 552

You deserved it 49 322

01/04/2012 16:15

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 270

You deserved it 2 127

Stuck

By robzzz - 16/02/2012 07:13

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 546

You deserved it 3 811

27/10/2010 10:04

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 071

You deserved it 8 031

28/09/2015 04:05

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 399

You deserved it 3 834

08/07/2011 05:19

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 367

You deserved it 11 744

17/06/2015 13:31

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 477

You deserved it 3 687

29/09/2011 07:34

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 640

You deserved it 3 243

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 2 374

11/04/2009 01:47

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 365

You deserved it 6 362

28/12/2012 08:14

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 277

You deserved it 35 515

12/07/2016 20:08

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 220

You deserved it 3 717

USA Number One!

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 23:30

Today, I live in the same country that deployed the National Guard to suppress peaceful BLM protests, yet allowed a bunch of psychotic Trump supporters to break into the Capitol. I’m ashamed to be human right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 581

29/06/2011 06:12

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 141

You deserved it 59 278

13/03/2010 19:01

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 531

You deserved it 3 076

More cowbell

By Piitaaraq Vaisanen - 24/09/2021 05:00

Today, I was editing sound on a recording of a live music show. The woman who hired me said she wanted less reverb. I told her that this is how the recording was and I can't magically remove acoustic reverb from something recorded in a church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 63

09/04/2011 22:29

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 382

You deserved it 3 017

19/04/2011 15:06

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 058

You deserved it 6 163

29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 615

You deserved it 263

16/01/2009 12:19

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 697

You deserved it 2 008

24/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 132

17/01/2013 20:50

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 222

You deserved it 3 006

17/12/2010 16:23

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 3 510

16/06/2014 02:21

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 210

You deserved it 4 669

Good deeds

By dhdyvifjdksk - 26/01/2020 03:00

Today, I donated blood and the nurse said: "God blesses good deeds", when I get home, my mom tells me that we have to sell the house because we're broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 129

25/05/2012 07:07

Today, my grandmother told me my favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite my constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the weird little comments my coworkers have made are actually hints to go take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 658

You deserved it 28 633

10/05/2012 20:33

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 8 747

20/02/2014 08:57

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 392

You deserved it 3 965

06/07/2012 16:04

Today, as always, I have a very weak stomach. I'm in Japan right now, and all the unfamiliar foods set me off every time I eat. I can choose between having a great time and starving myself half to death, or sitting in my hotel room all day with stomach pains and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 646

You deserved it 3 370

23/11/2011 01:00

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 694

You deserved it 5 860

25/06/2011 07:47

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 640

You deserved it 2 973

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Top comments

Soninuva 41

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Thursday 31 March 2016 12:10

Even if you were, they shouldn't make fun of you. People more than likely do that because they feel insecure about themselves, and that would only make it worse.

sallysali9 17

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Thursday 31 March 2016 12:08

Talcum powder works wonders :)

Comments

sallysali9 17

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Thursday 31 March 2016 12:08

Talcum powder works wonders :)

whatsausername7 16

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Friday 1 April 2016 4:03

Talcum powder can cause ovarian cancer. There's lawsuits about it already.

sallysali9 17

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Friday 1 April 2016 9:20

That's to people who applied it in the genital area.

Soninuva 41

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Thursday 31 March 2016 12:10

Even if you were, they shouldn't make fun of you. People more than likely do that because they feel insecure about themselves, and that would only make it worse.

Bonafonte 24

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Thursday 31 March 2016 12:14

Flash them. Or stuff the tissues with boobsweat down their throat :)

Tripartita 44

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Thursday 31 March 2016 12:39

Ew, you SWEAT?! What are you, some kind of human? Whenever my internal temperature rises to much, and nearly silent fan turns on and ventilates my circulatory system. You should really look into one of those, you disgusting freak.

EwahWeeWah 21

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Thursday 31 March 2016 13:54

I know. I bet that she craps when she goes to the toilet, too. Absolutely repulsive!

rkolcz287 5

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Thursday 31 March 2016 13:56

I had all of my sweat glands seared shut years ago. The sweat backs up into my circulatory system and causes major medical issues, and I also have to pant to regulate heat. Totes worth it.