Health: Today, someone accused me of stuffing my bra when some tissue...

By sunkissedevil - United States - Fergus Falls

Today, someone accused me of stuffing my bra when some tissue fell out. I was too embarrassed to tell them I wasn't stuffing, the tissue was used to sop up my boob sweat. FML

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sunkissedevil tells us more :

Thank you everyone for your help! My friend suggested I use Monkey Butt powder since her boyfriend uses it for his butt sweat xD so problem solved! I use it everyday :) Still use tissues or washcloth if I know I'll be getting freaky with the BF later so he doesn't taste the powder! (or just use a wipe to clean off lol)

Health

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By Anonymous - United States

Considerate

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

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By oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after a very heartfelt conversation with my mother, I promised her that I'd quit smoking. I walked in on her smoking my cigarettes an hour later. Her excuse was that she didn't want my money to have gone to waste. FML

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By crazystar69 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 18:02 - Australia - Melbourne

Keep the peace

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 08:29

Thanks for all the help

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

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By UnicornPancake

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

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By mocass’1 - France

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

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By Arran - United Kingdom

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

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By Wwiimaniac - United States - Dallas

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

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By and god shat - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

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By GiWi - Ireland

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

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By insensitive prick - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

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By too tight - United States

Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

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By Foxy - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

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By fatpreggo - United States

Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8lbs through the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms. "well it looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML

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By Sleepless

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

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By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By awwshit - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

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By hapless - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver told me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listened to him for 20 minutes, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charged me £5.80 and my boss gave me a warning for being late. FML

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By markymark - United States

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

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By toryzhere - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

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By Gennifer - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Haugesund

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Joseph

Bad, bad, bad

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

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By JordanVilleneuve - Canada

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 11:05

You tried

Today, I’m a single parent and lately I’ve been working out to get healthier. During a session, I injured my back pretty badly. Now I need help getting out of bed, etc. I just wanted to make sure they wouldn’t ever need to take care of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

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By Oily - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2020 23:04

The end of the road

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

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By hatecolin - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

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By balancestrikesagain - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

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Top comments

By Soninuva | 41

#6571300 - Thursday 31 March 2016 12:10

Even if you were, they shouldn't make fun of you. People more than likely do that because they feel insecure about themselves, and that would only make it worse.

By sallysali9 | 17

#6571299 - Thursday 31 March 2016 12:08

Talcum powder works wonders :)

COMMENTS

By sallysali9 | 17

#6571299 - Thursday 31 March 2016 12:08

Talcum powder works wonders :)

whatsausername7 | 16

#6571797 - Friday 1 April 2016 4:03

Talcum powder can cause ovarian cancer. There's lawsuits about it already.

sallysali9 | 17

#6571922 - Friday 1 April 2016 9:20

That's to people who applied it in the genital area.

By Soninuva | 41

#6571300 - Thursday 31 March 2016 12:10

Even if you were, they shouldn't make fun of you. People more than likely do that because they feel insecure about themselves, and that would only make it worse.

By Bonafonte | 24

#6571302 - Thursday 31 March 2016 12:14

Flash them. Or stuff the tissues with boobsweat down their throat :)

By Tripartita | 44

#6571308 - Thursday 31 March 2016 12:39

Ew, you SWEAT?! What are you, some kind of human? Whenever my internal temperature rises to much, and nearly silent fan turns on and ventilates my circulatory system. You should really look into one of those, you disgusting freak.

EwahWeeWah | 21

#6571333 - Thursday 31 March 2016 13:54

I know. I bet that she craps when she goes to the toilet, too. Absolutely repulsive!

rkolcz287 | 5

#6571336 - Thursday 31 March 2016 13:56

I had all of my sweat glands seared shut years ago. The sweat backs up into my circulatory system and causes major medical issues, and I also have to pant to regulate heat. Totes worth it.