Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML
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Top comments
lulubelles 33
Did you Scream?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Painful times a-head, my friend.
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Comments (125)
mattyiscool123 26
How...
amifaiyaz 12
******** are best during action flicks, not horror.
PrinceDarko 13
At least it wasn't a worst case scenario. It's still attached.
onorexveritas 23
horror and penis don't go together
mr_sarcastic416 29
While reading the first sentence, I knew where this was going, and what was going to happen
red_hips 1
Been done, it's called "The Killer Condom".. quite the laugh at the start of the second movie
puppie406 23
Bruises and bitemarks say, takes one to bring the pain. Passion lies in screams of extacitic dreams..... Yeah Imma just stop, I'm referencing songs again....
aimeecuria 9
HAHAHHA THATS GOLD
skinnen 7
Protect your package boy!!! Never accept a ******** during activity that can cause a jaw clinch! Respect the teeth! RESPECT THEM!!
Cynthialvrz 9
Lesson well learned.