Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML
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Top comments
lulubelles 33
Did you Scream?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Painful times a-head, my friend.
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Comments (125)
sugarshane007 20
58! You're such a grammar nazi!
FlyingPie 17
This could spawn a new type of movie: Whorror
Pensu 12
Sorry OP but you really should have seen that one coming.
KixiSummer 10
I moderated this one
MeowZebraMeow 7
How would you not know that your girlfriend isn't a fan of horror movies? Maybe she was just pissed that you forgot and decided to seek revenge.
Mr_Satan 11
If that's the case, then his girlfriend is a flatout bitch. There is only one reason any guy deserves his dick bitten, and that's if he's a rapist.
BrotherPhil 35
Or if he enjoys that sort of thing.
MeowZebraMeow 7
84 - Or if he's, um, Satan...
egrudy 9
Great movie !
Numerion 6
At least you get a head...
Zen_Mei 17
At the end of the day you DID get a bj
sig4life 18
Talk about branding. You have now been claimed sir.
AttentionSeeker 6
She was just seeing if you were paying attention to the move ;)