NSFW

Burn unit

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Arcade

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 222

Forgetful

By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 5 546

Busted

By Sofi - 21/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 3 059

Gross

By Sticky floor - 27/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 913

You deserved it 393

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Spicy

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 952

You deserved it 512

Single life

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 284

You deserved it 734

That was short-lived.

By adc2502 - 02/02/2018 11:00

Spicy

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 8 635

By TheLostCauseFML - 25/10/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 047

You deserved it 1 008

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 16:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Spicy

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm, during which I simultaneously shat myself and vomited. I'm so thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 354

You deserved it 651

Lights out

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 867

You deserved it 625

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 09:35

Spicy

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 344

You deserved it 1 456

By not even - 21/07/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 676

You deserved it 2 784

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 280

You deserved it 1 246

Keep it down

By Char-azard - 17/05/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Spicy

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 410

You deserved it 1 767

Sharing is caring

By motherfucked - 15/01/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Spicy

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 712

You deserved it 21 230

LOL whatever

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 10:22 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was, "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway." Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 903

You deserved it 2 163

Dude, WTF is this?

By Anonymous - 28/09/2015 20:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 2 025

Noob

By facepalming all the way - 19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 793

You deserved it 2 361

Stud

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 101

You deserved it 4 151

Gotcha

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 23:15 - United States - Angleton

Spicy

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 57 888

Nice guy

By Twysted91 - 28/12/2014 03:50 - United States - Milford

Spicy

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 095

You deserved it 3 214

The talk

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 16:09 - Norway - Egersund

Spicy

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 345

You deserved it 6 074

Horny

By MotherMary - 12/10/2014 13:21 - United States - Park Hills

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 168

You deserved it 5 300

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 984

You deserved it 7 041

Saucy

By donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Spicy

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said it's like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 298

You deserved it 9 087

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Spicy

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 142

You deserved it 16 195

Saucy talk

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 7 888

Nice try, bucko

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 785

You deserved it 8 511

Snek

By soon to be divorced - 24/10/2013 20:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 467

You deserved it 4 120

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Spicy

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 451

You deserved it 26 034

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The Top

The Top

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 747

You deserved it 1 606

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 115

You deserved it 4 117

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 242

You deserved it 9 352

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 979

You deserved it 3 241

Today, while delivering an Amazon package, I arrived to this one house where the man was outside, so I just handed it to him. As he was reaching for it, his robe popped open. Twice. He was wearing nothing but the robe, and he was your typical fat, hairy, 40-year-old man. My poor eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 159

Today, I noticed my unopened box of Viagra passed its 'use by' date three months ago. My sex life ended in 2022. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 75