Today, I had my first astounding orgasm, during which I simultaneously shat myself and vomited. I'm so thankful my new partner was present. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Today, I threw up during sex. FML
Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML
Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML
Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML
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Top comments
Ricrad 11
That must've been some GOOD sex 0_0
sweetbliss3 37
oh my goodness. as embarrassing as that was, i hope the guy isnt a douchefaggot and didn't get all freaked out about it. life happens. I would be mortified, but if he was understanding that would definitely help a lot.
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Comments (55)
dexter420 21
Sorry to hear that. Atleast it feels good to do all three things hope you enjoyed it a little. Hope you have better luck in the future
Ricrad 11
That must've been some GOOD sex 0_0
exileonmainst 16
Was your partner an 80 pound black lab?
sweetbliss3 37
oh my goodness. as embarrassing as that was, i hope the guy isnt a douchefaggot and didn't get all freaked out about it. life happens. I would be mortified, but if he was understanding that would definitely help a lot.
Danne696 14
Honestly, I wouldn't call him a docuhefaggot for freaking out, freaking out would be quite normal in that situation. Rather, he would be extraordinary if he didn't freak out.
RichardPencil 30
If you freak out for getting shat upon and puked upon, that doesn’t make you a “douchefaggot” — it makes you normal. If that doesn’t freak you out, maybe you’re some kind of fetishist weirdo.
sweetbliss3 37
i meant in the sense of "okay I'm dumping you bc you're gross" not I'm okay with getting shit on. i would be freaked out in that sense, but i hope he likes her enough to not be so freaked out to leave her. sorry for that confusion.
theIceberg 9
I wouldn't call it unreasonable to be freaked out by someone simultaneously ******** and puking on themselves in a new relationship lol
ozziespots 14
as helpful as that is how freaked out would u be if somebody did that ad yoy ****** them
RichardPencil 30
There’s no cumming back from that.
Tripartita 44
I’m just waiting for, “Today, I learned I’m so bad in bed that I cause my partner to vomit. And shit. Simultaneously. FML”
Chris Smith 9
or so good
RichardPencil 30
If the ultimate goal of sex with a woman was to make her shit and vomit, I’d quit that and switch to that jerking off while hanging yourself.
Sheepiebeepie 26
Find anything else to do with your time.
RichardPencil 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why the **** would you say this? Who the hell are you? You don't like a comment, skip it or thumb it down, but don't pull that cyber-bully shit on me trying to silence me. You wouldn't have the balls to do that in real life. Tough guy behind the keyboard.
OrchidKitten 21
And you probably wouldn't have the balls to fight him, since you so graciously responded to him.
Sheepiebeepie 26
Yes I would. If you told me in real life "I comment on every single FML, sometimes multiple times, for the majority of my free time" I would say the exact same thing.
RichardPencil 30
I don't think so. Give me your home address and let's see. It doesn't even take a fraction of my free time to comment, and what is it your business anyways?
Sheepiebeepie 26
It is going to be okay pencil dick.
RichardPencil 30
It is not until you apologize to me. (By the way, it is sooooo clever that you use my own self-effacing joke of a name against me -- that's sadly your best work here.) You can say what you want about my comment, but you may never tell me (or anyone else) to stop commenting.
Sheepiebeepie 26
Nah I have the right to say anything, you have the right to not listen to it. Obviously I'm not stopping you from commenting.
RichardPencil 30
You're not stopping me, but I'm not sure how many people you've bullied into silence. If you'll spout off from behind the safety of your keyboard or glass screen and not say it to my face, you're just a ******* coward. I hope your other victims see this.
Mons_fml 27
Grate show boys! sheepie is an anxt filled stink but its also a bit sad how you let his comment set you off like that. Ill pray for you two, Im a Christian. Praise Christ!
almost_there44 26
Are we really pulling the bully card? Just like you can comment, so can someone who doesn't like your comments. If you feel threatened or bullied, get off the internet and take a nap. You're not a victim, stop trying to become one.
RichardPencil 30
Yes. It is unacceptable to try to drive someone off this site. I mean, my comment was so rife with opportunities to make jokes at my expense, why did he just stoop to telling me to leave? Why are you supporting him and attacking me? I know you don't like me, but why are you a fan of drumming people off FML? The site has suffered a lot from many good participants getting driven off.
almost_there44 26
Cry me a ******* river! You make the most ridiculous comments on here and when people dislike or comment back you go ballistic. You are acting like a child whining about being bullied on an app. Grow the **** up.
RichardPencil 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're full of shit, dumbass! Are you too stupid to see the difference? I'm fine when people criticize my comment. It's when they tell me to leave is when I hit back. Can you see that now, dim bulb? My comments are fine -- far superior to any of the shit you put out there.
Sheepiebeepie 26
This is the most amusing unintentional thing I have ever done.
almost_there44 26
No. A dumbass is someone who is stupid enough to think everyone has to agree with their opinion and someone doesn't, the individual who makes the dumbass comment is getting bullied. Ding, ding. It's you Richie. ?
RichardPencil 30
Still missing the point. You are hopeless, you doos.
Sheepiebeepie 26
This is hilarious
RichardPencil 30
Glad you like it -- I'm here for entertainment.
Mons_fml 27
Damn! You guys kept on going.
Bingo_Bango 13
Sheepiebeepie and the rest of you, can you seriously not figure out he's continuing to troll you and doesn't actually care? I figured that out about 3 comments into the thread...
Bingo_Bango 13
There was nothing unintentional about this, it's exactly what he wants. Stop feeding the trolls.
Sheepiebeepie 26
You couldn't tell I didn't care, and thought it was funny? There are two options, he's joking or insane. I prefer him to be insane, but its probably the former. It was definitely unintentional on my part... with the amount he comments I figured he would ignore it.
Sheepiebeepie 26
Lol he also messaged me. Told me I am paying for his travel expenses so I can say it to his face.
RichardPencil 30
And I'm building a wall and you're going pay for that, too! #MRPGA
John Cassidy 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yo, real shit your a bitch pussy
Lobby_Bee 17
Now I've seen everything.
EnvyMe33 26
How does something like this even happen?!?
Inkoseh 31
By having an astounding ******, she just told you!
Bbashman 8
Ooh baby a triple!