NSFW

Noob

By facepalming all the way - 19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 2 359

Thin brown line

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 964

You deserved it 8 260

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 498

You deserved it 14 525

Cool down

By Bruises - 18/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Edison

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend picked me up during sex and set me on his shoulders, with his face buried in my pussy. I loved it until he took a step and put my face right in the path of the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 122

Busted

By Anonymous - 01/06/2026 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 665

Waiting…

By dammitall - 15/05/2009 18:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 4 892

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 671

Rekt thread

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 06:00

Today, my son came home saying there had been a bad accident where two people died in a crash. This sounded terrible but he then said, "Yeah, I took pictures. Wanna see the bodies? They’re disgusting." Everyone in the house except me jumped up to look at those poor dead people. I raised savages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 155

Needs

By Bitchy girl who doesn't put out - 07/04/2026 09:00 - The Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Spicy

Today, I suspected something was up when my boyfriend snuck out of bed after he thought I fell asleep. I caught him jerking to porn in the living room and got really upset. He actually got mad, saying, "I have needs and you never put out and get bitchy when I try." FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 782

The body keeps the score

By Sold my soul for 5000 - 26/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, a guy offered me five grand for a video call. As an OnlyFans model, I jumped at the chance. He wanted me to list off everything I regretted or disliked about my life while masturbating. Fifteen minutes later, I had the worst panic attack I've ever had. Six hours later and I'm still shaking and sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 604

Frustrating

By Noname - 17/01/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 824

You deserved it 39 581

Noisy lover

By Foxy17 - 05/08/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 168

Needy

By Arnold - 21/10/2025 09:00

Spicy

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 216

Mission accomplished

By Lovestupid - 03/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 142

You deserved it 29 350

Saucy surprise

By Liquor needed urgently - 22/04/2026 03:00 - The Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my daughter-in-law pegging my son, who was tied to the bed. You know, I try to be open-minded and figure they can do whatever between themselves, but maybe not in my spare room? FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 146

Nice try, bucko

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 780

You deserved it 8 510

Sharing is caring

By motherfucked - 15/01/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Spicy

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 712

You deserved it 21 227

Bad boy

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 4 860

Manipulation

By Hurt - 15/05/2026 12:00 - Romania - Bucharest

Spicy

Today, I checked my husband's phone, as mine was dead. When I opened it, I saw a text conversation with his friend. He recently said, "Man you just gotta ignore your wife more. I stopped paying so much attention to mine and next thing I knew she was all over me, it's awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 216

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 108

Saucy

By donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Spicy

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said it's like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 296

You deserved it 9 086

Proud dad

By Not a proud dad - 08/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 80

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Spicy

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 5 922

Kinky

By whatever - 23/03/2009 06:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 67 903

Ignorance never dies

By Racist ass - 22/08/2025 20:00 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, my husband told our daughter to eat with her fork, not her hands. She said that in Africa, people eat with their hands. He said, "Yeah, and they cut up little girls' vaginas with a razor blade there too." Now she's traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 178

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 123

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 942

You deserved it 10 332

Busted

By Sofi - 21/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 260

You deserved it 3 059

Karma chameleon

By Douche - 31/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 2 083

Under pressure

By Ew blood - 16/04/2026 15:00 - The Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Spicy

Today, at my boyfriend's request, I put on a tennis dress for him. He was so turned on that he got a massive nosebleed and bled all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 106

FML on Facebook

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The Top

The Top

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 896

You deserved it 7 744

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 420

You deserved it 9 955

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 074

You deserved it 7 070

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 222

You deserved it 4 247

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 225

Today, It’s the middle of the night and I just watched a Kenny G documentary, and found it absolutely fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 274