Intimacy: Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched...

By Trainer Calypso - 27/11/2014 20:38 - United States - Schofield

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 066

You deserved it 4 102

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Same thing different taste

By aranya - 14/06/2012 22:51 - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 799

You deserved it 3 887

Detective work

By broken vows - 15/03/2014 21:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 464

You deserved it 4 867

Awkward silence

By daughter in law - 08/11/2016 06:05 - United States

Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 481

You deserved it 1 523

By Lisa - 11/12/2018 04:00 - Romania

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 914

You deserved it 1 424

By Anon - 28/01/2019 06:00 - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 559

You deserved it 242

By davincourt - 29/04/2012 18:31 - United States - Apollo Beach

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 3 002

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 474

You deserved it 4 811

By eww - 13/06/2012 06:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 2 607

Oh, hi Mark!

By Anonymous - 26/08/2012 05:46 - United States - Olympia

Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 050

You deserved it 3 929

Welcoming

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 15:45 - Australia

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 057

You deserved it 8 355

Googolman 29

Friday 28 November 2014 0:21

Maybe it was her way of saying thanks.

PenguinBitch 43

Friday 28 November 2014 0:26

Looks like the turkey wasn't the only thing getting stuffed.

Comments

Googolman 29

Friday 28 November 2014 0:21

Maybe it was her way of saying thanks.

CoolCookie210 22

Friday 28 November 2014 0:42

On the bright side, at least it wasn't your girlfriend

quickit 24

Friday 28 November 2014 0:55

Or maybe she was dreaming of a white Christmas.

Fishin_for_Coins 7

Friday 28 November 2014 2:51

"Thanks for this delicious penis you've bestowed upon my mouth!"

lnheritance 19

Friday 28 November 2014 3:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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brand125 17

Friday 28 November 2014 4:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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blahblah5743794 19

Friday 28 November 2014 0:21

Happy Holidays for your uncle at least

3molliver3 16

Friday 28 November 2014 0:21

Holy Water works as great eye drops!

ChristianH39 30

Friday 28 November 2014 0:26

I tried this and it burned, should I call a priest?

soulreaper12296 28

Friday 28 November 2014 1:18

#11, I wouldn't. He might try to perform an exorcism on you.

Kielnmsoftly 26

Friday 28 November 2014 2:53

Or altar boy you!

KK3137 31

Friday 28 November 2014 6:12

I think it burned because it wasn't purified properly. The best way to get pure Holy Water is to really boil the Hell out of it!

5secondsofvvifi 21

Friday 28 November 2014 6:59

Or using brain bleach works just as well

CoGhostRider 31

Friday 28 November 2014 13:58

#57 you should really have way more likes.

Snake1105 20

Friday 28 November 2014 0:22

Finally in the first comment

trellz17 19

Friday 28 November 2014 0:23

That's so sweet. Exchanging Christmas gifts orally.

santosb1 11

Friday 28 November 2014 2:04

She got a tooth brush??

teyyoshi 19

Friday 28 November 2014 9:13

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hduebdo 14

Friday 28 November 2014 14:10

Where did you ever get your amazing detective skills?

Liamj774 36

Friday 28 November 2014 0:23

I heard bleach works wonders

Snake1105 20

Friday 28 November 2014 0:23

That sucks

ComoEsJuan 24

Friday 28 November 2014 0:26

No, the girlfriend sucks.

PenguinBitch 43

Friday 28 November 2014 0:26

Looks like the turkey wasn't the only thing getting stuffed.

devildog562 33

Friday 28 November 2014 0:27

She was just trying to get some gravy. At least you didn't walk in on him stuffing her. Edit: damn anti flood 10 beat me to it

FML_14u2c 14

Friday 28 November 2014 0:27

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brand125 17

Friday 28 November 2014 4:16

like ur butthole?

FML_14u2c 14

Friday 28 November 2014 13:23

Clarification: I was originally going to say what #10 said. (They hadn't posted it yet, when I started typing -- look at the time stamp...) When I clicked "validate", a couple of new posts were there and I saw that our posts were almost exactly the same, so I rushed to change it to something different, but couldn't think of anything new in the two minutes or so that they allow you to make changes.