By adc2502

That was short-lived.

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1971

You deserved it

8376

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

#1 Dad of the day

Out of the frying pan

By Anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33075

You deserved it

3565

Tweet

Share

By 99Problemsandfml - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26434

You deserved it

2489

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7136

You deserved it

4304

Tweet

Share

By _akwardsituation - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9187

You deserved it

33121

Tweet

Share

By Nick

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3758

You deserved it

722

Tweet

Share

By mickymoose1 - 19/7/2020 02:02

Stinky

Today, my dog decided to play with a skunk. Today is also the day I figured out that no matter how much you wash everything that's come in contact with the smell, it will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By cheeseless - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12413

You deserved it

3862

Tweet

Share

By RDMdragoon - United States

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60935

You deserved it

4508

Tweet

Share

By maystar

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3785

You deserved it

291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47605

You deserved it

3432

Tweet

Share

By Someone - United States

Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50196

You deserved it

9269

Tweet

Share

By ambiiii - United States - Marble Falls

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25487

You deserved it

2021

Tweet

Share

By hotmess - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13169

You deserved it

8215

Tweet

Share

By thanksmum - Germany

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43935

You deserved it

3548

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41139

You deserved it

3704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my fiancé accused me of cheating and broke up with me. I texted his best friend, who I've never talked to before, to see if he could talk some sense into my ex. Turns out he has several fiancées and was cheating on me since day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3461

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24519

You deserved it

3105

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1550

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36926

You deserved it

3560

Tweet

Share

By ouch. - United States

Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I'd like some. My dad's a plastic surgeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29959

You deserved it

3378

Tweet

Share

By 404: fuck not given - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44875

You deserved it

5550

Tweet

Share

By dj163 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59843

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44306

You deserved it

6607

Tweet

Share

By wheel 4

Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a girl they've been wanting to introduce to me. I thought they wanted to set us up, but it turns out they're a throuple and wanted me to be the first to know. I think I'm the first fourth wheel in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5206

You deserved it

359

Tweet

Share

By er1133 - Canada

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27864

You deserved it

2145

Tweet

Share

By PeppermintPenny

Been There

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3599

You deserved it

1348

Tweet

Share

By Sam

Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4707

You deserved it

229

Tweet

Share

By Abu

Today I broke my glasses beyond repair. I am very nearly legally blind. I get my glasses at Walmart and today, Christmas, is the only day out of the entire year that they are closed. Merry Christmas to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8474

You deserved it

1025

Tweet

Share

By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26384

You deserved it

2391

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 08:00

Rise and shine

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By Coldsnap - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35725

You deserved it

4997

Tweet

Share

By hannaslifesucks - Norway - Kleppe

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32615

You deserved it

1808

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24948

You deserved it

1802

Tweet

Share

By Etherealskye1023 - 14/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Douglassville

Great parenting, dude

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1252

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

By SterlingSilver91 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28074

You deserved it

42570

Tweet

Share

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40169

You deserved it

3652

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50034

You deserved it

8159

Tweet

Share

By Halloween Fail - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37831

You deserved it

7559

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3814

You deserved it

1416

Tweet

Share

By Icy - United States

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13628

You deserved it

29873

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SPCZippo | 6

#7590980 - Friday 26 January 2018 4:45

Dude there's enough free porn out there that you should never have to pay for it.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7593958 - Friday 2 February 2018 13:05

Who pays for porn anyways? There's enough free porn on the net for you to wank till your penis shrivels up and falls off from exhaustion.

COMMENTS

By SPCZippo | 6

#7590980 - Friday 26 January 2018 4:45

Dude there's enough free porn out there that you should never have to pay for it.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7593921 - Friday 2 February 2018 11:52

Bad parenting!

Didn't she or your dad have "the talk" with you? You know, the one where they tell you how to make babies by watching training videos on PornHub.com?

Reply

Nikki_Lattimore | 8

#7597203 - Saturday 10 February 2018 7:33

what the fuck?

By Monica Rene Ramirez-Holleran | 4

#7593929 - Friday 2 February 2018 12:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7593931 - Friday 2 February 2018 12:11

You don't know that the OP is an adult. Minors can get debit cards.

Reply

WeirdUS | 29

#7594034 - Friday 2 February 2018 16:35

Could also be that while legally an adult they have issues with spending money and while living at home it is an issue that the parents have had to watch them.

Reply

_ali__cat_ | 14

#7594240 - Saturday 3 February 2018 8:46

uhm I got my first debit card when I was 11. op could be around the same age.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7593933 - Friday 2 February 2018 12:16

This is why you use a Paypal account for that kind of thing. That way, your actual purchases don't show up on your bank statement.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7593958 - Friday 2 February 2018 13:05

Who pays for porn anyways? There's enough free porn on the net for you to wank till your penis shrivels up and falls off from exhaustion.

Reply

KnowsWhatAJokeIs | 4

#7594076 - Friday 2 February 2018 18:40

You pay for the quality, not content. Good luck finding full HD/UHD porn that is also good for free.

Reply

tibtak | 20

#7594112 - Friday 2 February 2018 20:27

How do you think they get paid?

Reply

Kayla Jones | 9

#7595246 - Monday 5 February 2018 22:39

Hqporner

By icemand90 | 17

#7593984 - Friday 2 February 2018 14:31

why pay for porn in this day and age?

By James Thompson | 8

#7594003 - Friday 2 February 2018 15:04

What kind of weird shit are you into that you have to pay for it?

By EnvyMe33 | 26

#7594035 - Friday 2 February 2018 16:39

I agree with the others. Why would you pay for porn if you can watch it for free?

By Chris Smith | 9

#7594066 - Friday 2 February 2018 18:17

YDI for spending £60 on porn.

By deadman93 | 7

#7594070 - Friday 2 February 2018 18:21

that's why you buy a prepaid card from the store

Reply

Alchemist_21 | 26

#7594203 - Saturday 3 February 2018 3:31

Came here to say this. I actually use prepaid for all online purchases to minimize the risk of identity theft.