Love and Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during... - FML

By TheLostCauseFML - 25/10/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 869

You deserved it 962

Mama's boy

Own it

Compromises

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 275

You deserved it 7 366

False Advertising

By Alex Xavier - 25/06/2018 01:30

Today, after getting married recently and my wife making a ton of promises about "things" we'd do, she admitted she won't do any of them and said I should just accept that she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 906

You deserved it 719

By Sabre777 - 17/08/2019 22:00

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 135

Stay away from us!

By KingSnow03 - 31/03/2020 20:00

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 186

By smoochie - 01/08/2009 21:37

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 926

You deserved it 23 259

By unrequited - 18/05/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 486

You deserved it 13 194

Was it me?

By PhantomShitter - 29/11/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I read on Facebook that someone shat outside our block of flats. I laughed and showed it to my friend who was with me. She turned to me, and said, "That was you, we were locked outside last night and you needed to pee, but a poo slipped out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 2 261

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 118

You deserved it 5 358

By Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III - 14/06/2015 13:41 - United States - Jersey Shore

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 608

You deserved it 5 257

By Kiki - 08/03/2013 21:22 - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 5 552

Slow moving accident

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 14:01

Today, I got into an accident, driving pretty slowly on a left turn signal trying to avoid a curb, sticking it out for too long, breaking a car's sideview mirror and causing scratches. The police was called. I have to appear in court for a misdemeanour for my first offence ever. Good bye student visa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 380

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 265

By Annette - 22/09/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 256

You deserved it 2 077

By BracesSuck - 09/04/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 437

You deserved it 3 192

By konichiwa - 02/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 815

You deserved it 34 506

By R2A8 - 01/03/2019 04:00 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 276

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 5 492

Question time

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 17:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I'm constantly checking my emails to see if any of the jobs have got back to me, but nothing yet. There's this one place I really want to work at, and I've already sent a follow-up email for the job, and it's driving me crazy that I haven't heard anything. What should I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 07:49 - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 251

You deserved it 1 583

By blehhx - 09/04/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 940

You deserved it 4 373

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 141

You deserved it 20 605

By Mike - 01/03/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 640

You deserved it 133 771

By inboxbuddies - 16/06/2009 10:35 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 450

You deserved it 5 936

Weirdo alert

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:26 - United States

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he sat down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 182

You deserved it 8 407

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 07:55 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 599

You deserved it 4 554

By nomoreart - 09/02/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 353

You deserved it 5 205

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 850

You deserved it 5 516

By Antoine Karam - 27/06/2019 04:30

Today, I was invited to an engagement. My crush is getting engaged next month to a man she told me she hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 223

OCD FML

By necca - 15/04/2021 23:00

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 663

By Anonymous - 13/04/2012 21:10 - United States - York

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 4 676

By soreloser - 20/05/2013 06:32 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 786

You deserved it 6 180

Free labor

By Stopmakingthishurt - 17/11/2021 01:56

Today, I finally accepted my mom will never be a good person, and I'm looking forward to her dying. Apparently, she'd been telling everyone I was a difficult child. I was cooking dinner for her and her boyfriends way back in elementary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 73

By 102496 - 05/02/2010 03:53 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 677

You deserved it 4 564

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 410

You deserved it 58 915

By craZycatLady - 20/04/2015 18:06 - United States - Mission

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 3 605

By ... - 29/12/2010 15:24

Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents have a bet going on when we are going to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 401

You deserved it 3 382

By LightsOut - 03/05/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 482

You deserved it 3 118

By Thai that on for size - 25/09/2015 19:56 - New Zealand - Silverdale

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 338

You deserved it 2 649

By helosthisshit - 01/11/2014 14:26 - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 850

You deserved it 4 316

By newlysingle - 14/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 731

You deserved it 3 610

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Top comments

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 5:22

Is he gonna make Trojan pay for his condoms?

Ashamed_Sister 60

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:25

Did he grab you by your pussy?

Comments

cmchappy 25

Wednesday 25 October 2017 5:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 26 October 2017 1:15

Idk about you... but I don’t know too much people who want to marry Trump..

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Thursday 26 October 2017 4:44

No, divorce him...immediately

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 5:22

Is he gonna make Trojan pay for his condoms?

merican_redneck4 11

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Tuesday 22 January 2019 0:35

You do realize he isn’t Bernie Sanders right

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 5:36

yeah he's every girl's fantasy forreal

Donut_Wizard 23

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 5:58

Does he at least remember your name?

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:02

Because if there's one thing that definitely needed more politics, it's absolutely nothing. However, if there was something AFTER absolutely nothing that politics should be added to, it would DEFINITELY be sex.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:25

Did he grab you by your pussy?

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:55

Did you get to pee on him?

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 8:21

Nothing dries up pussy faster than false promises.

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 14:19

God, that would make me so dry...

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 14:42

Why on earth would he think that was sexy?

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Thursday 26 October 2017 23:11

I don’t think he was trying to be sexy. He was trying to be funny.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 8

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 19

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 104

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 229