charlieg9
East Meadow, United States
Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML
rapunzel3416
Colton, United States
Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML
rapunzel3416 tells us more.
rapunzel3416 28
Yay I'm the OP I'm happy this got posted. I'm 22 and coach girls volleyball. A volunteer basketball coach didn't recognize me and thought I was a student. This happens when we go to away games too. The coaches of the other teams will tell me to leave until my coach is here and even some high school students think I'm on the team. I think it's pretty funny and am glad I still look young.
tallguy
North Adelaide, Australia
Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
oD_Ronan
Olympia, United States
Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML
Pontiacman92
Pueblo, United States
Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML
notsolucky
Stamford, United States
Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML
Anonymous
Oshawa, Canada
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Anonymous
Bessemer, United States
Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML
AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse
Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML
Grandmas lost it
Staten Island, United States
How soon is now?
Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML
sweetnan
Santiago, Chile
Nice, thanks
Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML
Anonymous
Hollywood, United States
Keep quiet
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
ocdistheworst
Gardena, United States
Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML
Miami6and3
Pasadena, United States
Thanks
Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML
Anonymous
North Bend, United States
Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML
cassidy_smith12
Medina, United States
Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML
horrible daughter
Santee, United States
Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML
Holding
Staunton, United States
Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML
Singer_Song
United States
Today, I was at the library. I had to use the restroom, where I ended up singing in bad, made-up Japanese the whole time. When I went back across the library, my brother informed me that everyone could clearly hear me. FML
Singer_Song tells us more.
I'm the OP. The reason I say Japanese specifically is because I do know a few words and included them in the song. I do love anime. I'm actually a really good singer, I've bee compared to Evanescance (I'm not trying to show off I have no reason to show off to online strangers). I was singing because I had a tune in my head and was being silly. Also the restroom is in the back of the Library so I didn't think it would go that far. I didn't know because not a single person made a face or anything.
thanksad
Cerritos, United States
Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML
Ugly
Jerseyville, United States
Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML
Baustigt
Perth, Australia
Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML
MissCharlotte
Downers Grove, United States
Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML
MissCharlotte_fml tells us more.
Hi everyone, I am the OP. I am so glad this got published!! Also, all of these coments are great :) To add more to the story: My sister and I went out to lunch with my dad because he was in town and wanted to see us. He seemed to have changed since he divorced my mom 15 years ago, so we let him drive us home, which is how he knew where our apartment was. Later that night, I heard noises in our apartment, so my badass sister tackled him and pepper-sprayed him as he was trying to pick up our TV. He was aressted (he actually had a knife) and we are getting a restraining order against him.
aly55a_mariie
Lakewood, United States
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
aly55a_mariie tells us more.
LOL they definitely weren't lying when they said the internet could be brutal. First off, I have ten other tattoos and this is the first time something like this has happened. I take great care in all of my tattoos. I would like to think of myself as an incredibly clean person. Anal to a certain extent. I live with a very talented and successful tattoo artist. He too was freaked out waking up to ants in our bed. I didn't use anything scented. Just the typical A&D ointment. It was not infected nor did it get infected. It was just one of those crappy things that happen to people. I have had another tattoo since then and am happy to say there was no ant attack this time! But thanks everyone for your comments and likes! And for those that don't think you can see a tattoo in your future, please don't let this be the reason! I highly doubt this is a common occurance. Thanks again everyone and have a great day!
nice guys finish last
Smyrna, United States
Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML
AtomicDiamond87
Toppenish, United States
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML
AtomicDiamond87 tells us more.
OP here. Well She didn't say it as a joke. She's always been a let down. But thank you all for the good comments. No I don't cheat. I love my boyfriend. Been together almost two years. Didn't plan for a baby because the doctors told him he wasn't able. He's so happy. And i'm always tired. Ad for the woman who also have mother in law problems keep your heads up :)
xxSecretAngelxx
Fayetteville, United States
Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML
xxSecretAngelxx tells us more.
Hi everyone! I'm the OP and for those who were wondering I am in college which makes this story the more embarrassing! It was my first presentation this semester. It was a group presentation so I was already standing in front of the class with the rest of my group waiting for my turn to speak. Someone commented how come nobody told me when I walked in the class, when I walked in my jacket was zipped up, I started playing with my zipper when I was up in front of the class because it is a nervous tick I have, I do it without even noticing it. Kinda like how some girls twirl their hair or bite their nails. Of course either one of those would have been less embarrassing on that particular day!
mamaflower
Baulkham Hills, Australia
Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML
mamaflower tells us more.
mamaflower 23
Just so you know, I live in a council estate so I always figured my neighbour would be able to break in if he wanted. It was just a shocked to see how easy it was. And I can't change the locks with out going through a big pile of paper work and waiting for permission. So much hassle. Any way thanks for the funny comments =)
Ben
Louisville, United States
Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML