Health

By Anonymous - 07/10/2018 12:00

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 4 407

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 21:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 977

You deserved it 511

By hotmama - 06/10/2018 22:05

Today, I just hit 41 weeks pregnant. Today is also the day my AC decided to die. I live in Florida, where it's hot WITH the AC on. This is gonna be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 494

You deserved it 288

wolfygirl626 tells us more.

wolfygirl626 8

Saturday 6 October 2018 6:29

op here! i submitted this two weeks ago and every thing is fine now, did get induced about four days later. since this is my first baby, it was expected of me to go over the due date :P we're both happy, healthy, and chilling with the new window ac.

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 718

You deserved it 404

By Kayla - 06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 425

You deserved it 521

By taz - 05/10/2018 15:30

Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 3 216

By Wilson - 04/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 04/10/2018 15:30

Today, my 6'8" russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 134

You deserved it 238

By Secondyearcollegekid - 03/10/2018 15:30

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I'd bought to give to a friend as a "Thank you" gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 311

By Poolfool - 03/10/2018 13:30

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 652

By moerae - 03/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 646

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 600

Great parenting

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 15:30

Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the TV on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 618

By Elsine - 02/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 317

You deserved it 260

By Hairylass - 02/10/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I have an odd habit of plucking the tiny white hairs on my upper lip when I am overly stressed. But only the right side. I noticed when examining my face and seeing they'd all come back black. I've got half a mustache. I'm female. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 466

You deserved it 653

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 482

You deserved it 842

By Ryuuchild666 - 01/10/2018 13:30

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 536

You deserved it 229

By Tallie - 01/10/2018 12:00

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 224

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 861

You deserved it 301

Check this out

By Anonymous - 30/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 2 739

By How? - 29/09/2018 10:30 - United States - Glasford

Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 042

You deserved it 212

By julian - 29/09/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 657

You deserved it 293

By Anonymous - 29/09/2018 13:30

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 758

You deserved it 469

By Cheesey_Dorito - 28/09/2018 15:30

Today, it has been 57 hours since I have last had food. The fridge is empty. The freezer is empty. The pantry is empty. Even my bank account is empty because my pay has been delayed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 563

You deserved it 236

Main character syndrome

By daddysjudy92 - 28/09/2018 14:00

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 257

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 237

By Beardedlady - 27/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, my mom told me that I need to shave my beard because it's getting too long. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 422

By fuck em all - 27/09/2018 14:00

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 804

You deserved it 439

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 227

By tillybonkers - 26/09/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a guy in a flaming car by busting his window to get him out. I didn't realize until after the crash scene was cleared, that I didn't just have his blood on me, but I also had cut from the window. Round 3 of HIV testing here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 160

You deserved it 307

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The Top

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 878

You deserved it 6 799

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 61

Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had the brilliant idea to take out the trash at midnight after washing my hair. A minute later, my hair was completely frozen and I even managed to break some of it off. I can confirm that it was -30 °C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 248

Today, I'm going through the first/worst heartbreak of my life, all while studying for med school finals. Every time I try to focus on studying, I see a flashback of his smile and I melt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 170

Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 408

Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 169