Health

By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

agreeclassic 3 220

vote type 1 371

By emeraldapostle - 27/10/2018 19:21

Today, I got bullied at work for wanting to wear gloves. The culprit? My GM. My profession? Foodservice. FML

agreeclassic 3 621

vote type 1 230

emeraldapostle app_comment_confession_title

emeraldapostle 17

Thursday 25 October 2018 2:19

Hey everyone, OP here. Just letting you kmow that I have since left the job and now OSHA and various health departments are having a hayday with the restaraunt. Thank you everyone for showing concern!

By poor excuse for a father - 27/10/2018 14:00

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

agreeclassic 2 856

vote type 1 741

By Somethingtoworryabout - 26/10/2018 22:00

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

agreeclassic 2 661

vote type 1 846

By Anonymous - 26/10/2018 17:30

Today, years after I stepped on a nail and had the wound stitched, I got an X-ray. I've had serious trouble walking, and it turns out I had 2.5 inches of nail living in the sole of my foot, stabbing up into my ankle joint. I now need major surgery. FML

agreeclassic 2 908

vote type 1 229

By VetTechStudent - 25/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML

agreeclassic 2 792

vote type 1 370

By Nosexever? - 25/10/2018 13:30

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

agreeclassic 3 189

vote type 1 266

By mrosewrosem - 24/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML

agreeclassic 3 759

vote type 1 358

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

agreeclassic 2 773

vote type 1 283

By Loose Goose - 24/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

agreeclassic 2 738

vote type 1 739

By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42 a.m. and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

agreeclassic 2 965

vote type 1 332

Shit show

By Malakai - 23/10/2018 22:00

Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

agreeclassic 1 273

vote type 1 3 748

By B-377 - 23/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

agreeclassic 3 000

vote type 1 251

Tasty

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

agreeclassic 5 072

vote type 1 690

By Angrymom - 22/10/2018 22:00

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

agreeclassic 3 139

vote type 1 344

By Morganisoverrated - 22/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was planning to ask a guy at school out since I had mustered up the confidence to finally tell him how I really felt. I ended up puking on him. FML

agreeclassic 3 003

vote type 1 368

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 3 801

vote type 1 543

By Dan - 20/10/2018 15:30

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

agreeclassic 1 601

vote type 1 2 360

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

agreeclassic 4 178

vote type 1 316

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

agreeclassic 2 305

vote type 1 1 277

By Anthony Hathaway - 19/10/2018 13:30

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

agreeclassic 2 966

vote type 1 212

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

agreeclassic 1 248

vote type 1 3 556

By Unlucky - 18/10/2018 23:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 2 915

vote type 1 345

By avertle - 18/10/2018 20:30

Today, I got home from a long, stressful day at class to hear my grandma screaming from inside the barn. I quickly dropped all my things and ran in to see what was going on. Did something fall on her? Was there an animal attacking the horses? No. A pigeon had gotten into the barn. I had to chase it out. FML

agreeclassic 3 237

vote type 1 310

avertle app_comment_confession_title

avertle 9

Tuesday 16 October 2018 20:04

OP here. I probably should’ve clarified this- she is not afraid of birds. The barn always has pigeons in it. She wasn’t afraid of the pigeon. The pigeon had gotten into a separate part of the barn that it isn’t supposed to be in. She was trying to get it out and decided the best way to do that was scream like a banshee until it left, which only made problems worse.

By Silent - 18/10/2018 17:30

Today, at the orthodontist, the nurse was checking my teeth. She asked me a question while her finger was in my mouth, and when I stupidly tried to reply, I bit her finger. FML

agreeclassic 2 159

vote type 1 455