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By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 271

Age difference

Dysfunctional

Good news

By Drew - 05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 523

You deserved it 4 337

By chloecamp - 15/07/2014 03:35 - United States - Ellington

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 165

You deserved it 4 233

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man working, so I went up to him to ask where I should sign in. Before I even opened my mouth, he told me that they opened at 12 and to come back then for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 939

You deserved it 4 859

By fucked - 06/02/2015 08:06 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 998

You deserved it 40 414

By Anonymous - 07/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 776

You deserved it 272

By me - 09/08/2011 03:43 - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 7 339

By tramplily - 17/11/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, I was driving home and got a phone call from my mom. She called to tell me that there was a cop at the bottom of our hill, and to be careful. I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 601

You deserved it 30 409

By TJ - 06/04/2012 11:10 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 141

You deserved it 10 358

By WhosGoingToCleanThisUp - 26/02/2016 19:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 682

You deserved it 1 722

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 978

You deserved it 3 731

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 425

You deserved it 6 268

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 175

You deserved it 3 440

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 219

You deserved it 60 712

By death bed - 13/02/2013 17:20 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 248

You deserved it 2 465

By Brunette, small breasts - 24/07/2016 18:51 - Romania - Campina

Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said "hello" to which he replied "first, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 957

You deserved it 1 394

By al - 15/04/2012 03:02 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 058

You deserved it 30 509

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 881

You deserved it 7 294

By Anonymous - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 611

You deserved it 6 211

By hlewrn - 22/06/2016 01:52 - United States - Centreville

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 900

You deserved it 33 141

By Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 912

You deserved it 3 164

OK then…

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 3 512

Sounds fishy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 11:01

Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 158

By love and tolerape, apparently - 01/03/2015 19:24 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 915

You deserved it 8 310

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 554

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 847

You deserved it 2 074

By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 038

You deserved it 34 060

By ewwy - 10/10/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 941

You deserved it 7 635

By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 041

You deserved it 4 708

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 4 637

By anonymous - 26/06/2016 03:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 525

You deserved it 7 253

By monkeywrench - 30/08/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 907

You deserved it 1 769

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 11:10 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 459

You deserved it 7 453

By ubbernoob - 05/03/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 142 808

By coffeeshopgirl - 08/05/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 771

You deserved it 4 466

Does this smell weird?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 15:05 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I found out that the shampoo I’ve been using has yogurt in, following a prank my boyfriend did. Turns out he forgot about it and I’ve been using it for 5 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 594

You deserved it 3 048

By :| - 16/04/2011 02:04 - Canada

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 570

You deserved it 6 355

By AmericanDream - 01/12/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 177

You deserved it 3 811

Back and forth and back again

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 19:37 - Guam - Barrigada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 034

You deserved it 3 829

By MondayonaTuesday - 15/09/2017 20:00

Today, while rushing to a big marketing presentation, I started feeling ill in my car. I was stuck in traffic, and before I could get my window open I threw up all over my suit. All I had were some tissues to try to clean the mess before presenting to a full boardroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 306

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 16 September 2019 16:34

Your dog was embarrassed by your clumsiness and decided your are not alpha material.

bass_ftp 12

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Monday 16 September 2019 14:11

Sounds like a script for a bad porn movie.

Comments

bass_ftp 12

Send a private message

Monday 16 September 2019 14:11

Sounds like a script for a bad porn movie.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 16 September 2019 16:34

Your dog was embarrassed by your clumsiness and decided your are not alpha material.

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

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Monday 16 September 2019 16:50

the dog was just trying to massage you, you ungrateful piece of shit!

MitiMiki 16

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Tuesday 17 September 2019 1:05

That is an FML and funny as hell, at the same time.

Wadlaen 21

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Tuesday 17 September 2019 8:57

So in the middle of the pain, you got a mercy-shag. He probably thought it would cheer you up. It certainly did for him...

Velimir Tchatchevsky 6

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Wednesday 18 September 2019 0:59

That was the perfect time you have to admit :D

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 63

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 226