All the FMLs

By infrontofninepeople - 30/06/2015 20:31 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 437

You deserved it 4 708

Barf

By sickatwokr - 30/06/2015 20:26 - Australia

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 974

You deserved it 1 884

By SpankyRaven - 30/06/2015 17:29 - Australia - Raymond Terrace

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 888

You deserved it 2 118

SpankyRaven tells us more.

SpankyRaven 31

Wednesday 1 July 2015 0:50

The cordial was sitting on the bench, not under the cupboard and he just thought it looked the right colour so he used it. He is a great one for having a 'boy look', can't find anything even if it's right under his nose. But he will do the dishes, so I am definitely keeping him!

By piercednipple - 30/06/2015 16:02 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 078

You deserved it 2 763

By AIienware - 30/06/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 593

You deserved it 6 131

By Anonymous - 30/06/2015 12:56 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 399

You deserved it 7 779

By bosslady - 30/06/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 501

You deserved it 2 301

By Anonymous - 30/06/2015 07:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 428

You deserved it 1 912

Make it make sense

By Claudine - 30/06/2015 06:18 - Belgium - Liège

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 379

You deserved it 2 092

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 29/06/2015 21:52 - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 087

You deserved it 1 848

By Greattitan2 - 29/06/2015 20:34 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 627

You deserved it 1 916

By Justincredible69 - 29/06/2015 20:29 - United States

Today, I was legitimately sick so I called in to work. Apparently, 4 other guys on my line called in too. My boss thought we planned it. Now we're all written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 963

You deserved it 1 567

By CoffeeGirl2000 - 29/06/2015 19:40 - United States

Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 160

You deserved it 1 590

CoffeeGirl2000 tells us more.

CoffeeGirl2000 7

Thursday 2 July 2015 22:05

Hey everyone OP here! I can't believe that this was posted, but thank you for all of the support. Whether you consider it good or bad, I got to go home after the woman dumped the 4 large iced coffees on me. My manager says that woman will be banned from the store for a month because of her reckless behavior. Thanks again everone!

By rinakitty94 - 29/06/2015 17:30 - United States - Sunset

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 230

You deserved it 2 253

Sleepless in Longfield

By sleepingonmydesk - 29/06/2015 09:28 - United Kingdom - Longfield

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 461

You deserved it 3 334

By youdontknowmewhy - 29/06/2015 07:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 910

You deserved it 2 122

Treasure

By AddictiveAddicted - 29/06/2015 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 168

You deserved it 31 882

By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 809

You deserved it 1 876

The invasion begins

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 15:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 312

You deserved it 1 873

By fat and broke - 28/06/2015 07:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 889

You deserved it 4 617

CPS FML

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 05:13 - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 042

You deserved it 2 669

Waiting for my man

By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/06/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 872

You deserved it 2 638

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 19:58

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 486

You deserved it 4 890

Unapproving

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 18:56 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 039

You deserved it 2 277

By isaidfuckoff - 27/06/2015 18:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 389

You deserved it 2 810

By anonymous - 27/06/2015 17:40 - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 2 888

By anonynous - 27/06/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 3 645

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 06:15 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 2 307

Sick day

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - 27/06/2015 05:48 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 516

You deserved it 1 973

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 282

You deserved it 2 644

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 3 327

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 148

You deserved it 36 580

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 702

You deserved it 7 672

Today, waiting times in our emergency department were so long that a patient who'd initially presented with just a sprained ankle eventually presented with a sprained ankle and a request to test for STDs because he went to see a prostitute instead of waiting, and his condom broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 245

Today, my husband, during casual family chat, told my CHILDREN all about my childhood sexual abuse as I stared at him in disbelief. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 137

Today, I was at work doing phone computer support helping a woman with her computer. I asked her to close all her open windows. She deleted all the important company documents in the open folder instead. I got fired because "close windows" and "delete" have become "too technical" for users. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 866

You deserved it 2 740