Miscellaneous: Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't... - FML

By No thanks - 20/05/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 549

You deserved it 1 481

BO Central

Compromises

Our house, in the middle of our street

Best uncle

By Sean Martin - 06/02/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that the last 3 months, I've been taking care of my girlfriends 1 year old kid. The other night, she told me that I was a good uncle to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 288

By Brett meek - 19/02/2010 07:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 482

You deserved it 3 611

So many questions

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 13:59

Today, I work at the DMV. My ex-husband’s sister came in for a last name change. When I looked at the marriage license and her other documents, it was revealed that she was never his sister. My ex-husband is now her husband. Now I understand why they always spent time alone together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 98

By Unemployed - 17/09/2015 07:14

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 693

You deserved it 1 574

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 31 191

By bird - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Fort Gratiot

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 607

You deserved it 6 135

By NightHawk4926 - 09/09/2015 22:15 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 275

You deserved it 1 731

By SNBBFF - 25/10/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 831

You deserved it 4 289

By PigPen - 27/09/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 119

You deserved it 10 773

By historyfreak_17 - 17/06/2012 07:11 - United States - Dearborn Heights

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 4 687

By princesss_14 - 26/12/2013 02:07 - United States - Seguin

Today, I got a whistle key finder from my grandma for Christmas. This would have been nice if I could actually whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 987

You deserved it 4 918

By Anonymous - 22/08/2012 06:01 - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 585

You deserved it 2 106

By trice - 08/05/2013 17:48 - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 288

You deserved it 4 291

By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 475

You deserved it 3 464

Spotted

By PlagueFace - 17/07/2020 17:01

Today, my dentist kept staring at me with a worried expression while working on me. Concerned that something was wrong with my teeth, I asked her what was the matter. She replied, "I'm not a dermatologist, but you should go to a doctor, I think you have staph." She was referring to my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 116

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words killing, dying and death. I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 539

By Isabelle18 - 19/07/2009 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 311

You deserved it 29 487

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 09:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 917

You deserved it 2 813

By Lespoon - 25/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 157

You deserved it 28 997

By The Bearded Woman - 29/05/2012 04:06 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 847

You deserved it 2 874

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 318

You deserved it 3 376

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 451

You deserved it 6 925

Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 173

By Sick - 24/02/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 583

You deserved it 6 141

By snowbum69 - 15/12/2013 08:38 - United States - Meridian

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 343

You deserved it 5 820

By Anonymous - 03/10/2013 03:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 319

You deserved it 2 671

By mylifesucks - 10/07/2013 20:10 - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 126

You deserved it 10 224

What? How? Why?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 22:01 - United States - Boise

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 273

By embarrassed - 26/05/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 401

You deserved it 52 838

By no - 20/03/2014 22:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 769

You deserved it 5 451

Yeah, that's the same

By Iabnysmwytm - 29/07/2020 14:01

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some doofus tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 652

By pansypup - 03/09/2015 02:30 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 705

You deserved it 2 183

By beekie9 - 14/01/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 190

You deserved it 2 213

By Tuffgunsmoke - 04/02/2010 07:22 - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 710

You deserved it 31 461

By Monkeyless - 02/05/2012 03:59 - United States - Providence

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 260

You deserved it 2 940

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 027

You deserved it 104 152

By EllieS9311 - 16/02/2016 13:16 - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 488

You deserved it 3 054

By joshualover - 23/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 490

You deserved it 28 262

By Waitingtomoveout - 12/01/2017 17:09

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 353

You deserved it 750

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 249

You deserved it 8 686

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:31

I don't even know why those are stereotypes for us. Most people love chicken, kool-aid and watermelon. I'd say if you are gonna marginalize people for not likin those three, do it off the strength of the deliciousness of those food items. Not because of the color of your skin. Shame on you OP for being a HUMAN BEING who doesn't like watermelon.

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:24

That's so uncalled for, on top of being incredibly rude. I don't like watermelon either, but that doesn't warrant calling me a bitch. I'm sorry, OP. Try to take the high road, and move on... Holding a grudge will only let your anger fester.

Comments

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:19

Not everyone likes watermalooone and that's OK.

ChristianH39 30

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Sunday 22 May 2016 17:04

My brother and I used to cry laughing at those vines.

josef_connolly 14

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:20

But do you like chicken and grape kool aid?

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Saturday 21 May 2016 13:00

Why so many downvotes? Is sarcasm lost on everyone, these days?

josef_connolly 14

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Saturday 21 May 2016 17:31

Jeez people in here can't take a joke

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:24

That's so uncalled for, on top of being incredibly rude. I don't like watermelon either, but that doesn't warrant calling me a bitch. I'm sorry, OP. Try to take the high road, and move on... Holding a grudge will only let your anger fester.

MisstressNicole 20

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Sunday 22 May 2016 18:59

As a black female, I understand. I don't like watermelon, kool-aid, and prefer steak to chicken. I get called fake black or wannabe white often. I ignore it as my taste aren't dictated by my ethnicity or race.

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:26

Don't worry about it I'm VERY lightskinned (mixed) but you can notice my black facial features. Not everyone is gonna live up to a certain stereotype. How ever, I do love kool-aid, chicken, and watermelon..

menja 29

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:55

Same here

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Saturday 21 May 2016 0:19

Well I'm whiter than hell and I like fried chicken, watermelon and kool aid. If it taste good, then I'll eat it.

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Saturday 21 May 2016 2:44

I mean, who doesn't love fried chicken?

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Saturday 21 May 2016 10:28

A vegetarian.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 4:26

I'm black and hate watermelon. Whenever I bring it up the person's eyes get wide and they go "REALLY?!"

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:31

I don't even know why those are stereotypes for us. Most people love chicken, kool-aid and watermelon. I'd say if you are gonna marginalize people for not likin those three, do it off the strength of the deliciousness of those food items. Not because of the color of your skin. Shame on you OP for being a HUMAN BEING who doesn't like watermelon.

ThrottleJockey 34

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Friday 20 May 2016 18:51

Exactly, when I smell fried chicken I don't think racism, I think, "yum, fried chicken!"

Dale_shackleford 13

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Friday 20 May 2016 19:29

Honestly, it is freaky as hell if someone doesn't like chicken, watermelon, or kool-aid. Those things kick ass no matter what color your skin is.

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Friday 20 May 2016 19:39

the answer is media

hershelLayton 13

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Friday 20 May 2016 23:50

Watermelon was the first fruit black people were allowed to sell and buy on their own. It was basically a step toward freedom, but bigots chose to insult the achievement and mock the blacks

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Saturday 21 May 2016 3:05

guess you can learn things here too. never knew that was the reason for the stereotype and I grew up in GA.

angelofsaturn 23

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Saturday 21 May 2016 8:06

I don't like kool-aid or watermelon. Never have.

haxusthegrunnur 3

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Saturday 21 May 2016 11:28

Watermelons were one of the first thing that free blacks could grow and eat, so it became a symbol of their freedom. However, it was later subverted and became a racist stereotype.

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:32

Sounds like whoever said those things had their speech center on shuffle mode. We all banana quixotic chair from time to time. Or maybe I just have too much faith in humanity.

twitchywaffles 26

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:36

O

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:45

Never related to a post so much

Emyka 26

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Friday 20 May 2016 12:55

The problem isn't you being black and don't liking watermelon, the problem is you claiming to be a sane human being and don't liking watermelon! D: No but seriously, they are morons. Not everybody likes the same stuff and you are certainly not a bitch because you are black and don't like stereotypical black stuff (which is bullshit anyway, I mean what the actual fuck). Ignore them and continue to be your awesome self.

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Friday 20 May 2016 13:40

I think all people, regardless of race, should love watermelon...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

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You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 82

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 44