All the FMLs

By WayToGoDaddyHo - 08/07/2015 06:17 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 1 849

By KaylaRox1908 - 08/07/2015 02:45 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 105

You deserved it 2 246

HappyItalian tells us more.

HappyItalian 38

Wednesday 8 July 2015 17:34

The movie was Terminator: Genisys. The theatre was completely full so I couldn't switch seats. The guy was with a friend so they both thought it was hilarious and continued to do it even for the after-credits scene when almost everyone was gone. On a side note, I can't believe out of all the FML's I've posted over the years this is the one that got published, haha. Nice thing to wake up to in the morning before a job interview! (Hopefully that's not another FML waiting to happen)

By Hue - 07/07/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I spent more time driving to my vacation spot than actually vacationing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 4 198

By HowToGetFired - 07/07/2015 20:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 123

You deserved it 8 623

Nice friends you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 19:13 - United States - Summerfield

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine, and that she'd never seen it before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 620

You deserved it 2 800

By innocent cat lady - 07/07/2015 18:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend freaked out at me because he found a couple of orange hairs in my bed and he knows my ex is a redhead. He also knows I have two orange cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 203

You deserved it 2 477

By No-Sleep Nellie - 07/07/2015 13:26 - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 967

You deserved it 1 727

By SiaJoy - 07/07/2015 06:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, a very intoxicated man came in to my workplace and bought 50 dollars worth of yogurt, talked about the fact that he shouldn't have to wear pants in public, then threw up all over the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 151

You deserved it 1 809

SiaJoy tells us more.

SiaJoy 19

Thursday 9 July 2015 4:27

OP here, I love all of the comments you have written :D I didn't think this would get published. But to answer some questions the puke did get all over my shirt, the man apologized to me before stumbling out of the store, and my boss let me leave early. I did not have to clean anything but myself. Maintenance took care of it and they shut down the register for a while to take of it. Thanks for the comments guys :D any questions feel free to message me.

By BlazefireSaber - 07/07/2015 03:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 548

You deserved it 2 997

By Bubbles_the_klut - 07/07/2015 03:21 - United States - Oswego

Today, after my boss has gotten in the habit of calling me "bubble wrap girl" at work because I'm clumsy and he claims I need to be covered in bubble wrap for my own protection, I have just probably broken two toes by dropping a hairdryer on my foot. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 032

You deserved it 4 565

Bubbles_the_klutz tells us more.

Bubbles_the_klutz 9

Wednesday 8 July 2015 7:31

OP here, thankfully my toes are not broken after all. And for those asking how a hair dryer could possibly do that, it's easy. The more times you break a bone, the easier it is to re-break. So no, my hair dryer is not made of concrete, I'm just fragile...

Malding

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 02:21 - United States

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 332

You deserved it 2 457

By 12yearsoldapparently - 06/07/2015 23:02 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 366

You deserved it 6 115

By sydmarie98 - 06/07/2015 22:51 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 922

You deserved it 2 036

By feelthesting - 06/07/2015 22:26 - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 633

You deserved it 1 855

By a_dani365 - 06/07/2015 21:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was working customer service at a large grocery store. I recently got a small, tasteful septum piercing that is barely visible. As I greeted a customer, she began to gag, held out her hand as though she was fending me off, and said, "I can't. Your nose ring makes me sick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 537

You deserved it 9 662

By makeover-needed - 06/07/2015 21:32 - United States

Today, I learned how my coworkers differentiate between my coworker and me as we have the same name, when I overheard one of them ask the other, "Which one, ugly Leslie or hot Leslie?" When the answer was "ugly Leslie," he walked straight to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 525

You deserved it 1 879

Mob rule

By --- - 06/07/2015 20:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during family therapy, the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes, my two sons, my daughter, and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 595

You deserved it 12 948

By BrittUnicorn - 06/07/2015 15:14 - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 656

You deserved it 3 680

By Fgjvshnb - 06/07/2015 03:54 - United States - Watertown

Today, I once again asked my girlfriend about getting married, as she had previously said she would only get married once gay marriage was legal. She still said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 3 281

Fgjvshnb tells us more.

Fgjvshnb 22

Monday 6 July 2015 17:47

Consider her dumped!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 19:20 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 7 006

By wellthatsucks - 05/07/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 834

You deserved it 2 243

By getting real crafty.. - 05/07/2015 15:51 - United States - Sanford

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 129

You deserved it 2 023

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 09:29 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 113

You deserved it 1 862

Never do this

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 06:18 - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 3 164

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 05:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 607

You deserved it 2 569

Clueless

By jobless1 - 05/07/2015 04:04

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "LMAO" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 693

You deserved it 2 136

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 3 535

By hamiltonma - 04/07/2015 17:27 - United States - Boone

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 459

You deserved it 1 736

hamiltonma tells us more.

hamiltonma 22

Tuesday 7 July 2015 2:46

OP here. To elaborate, I live in a college town and my apartment complex is right next to campus, as I also go to school. However, I don't think that burning a couch is really normal for anyone to do to celebrate haha. When I went outside, I asked them to move the couch since it was really really really close to my car. Really what they did next is the crazy part. They brought their truck around, hooked it to the back, and pulled it to the middle of the parking lot! Not even joking! It was pretty crazy but in the end, my car didn't get damaged so I'm okay with it. Thanks for all the comments! Really funny! P. S. The burning couch did smell really bad!

By Zizi - 04/07/2015 13:18 - Norway - Mosj?en

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 1 765