ALL FML

I will give you an update on what has since happened: The car in question was 1500 bucks and I needed a car badly so I bought it off her and she told me she would give me the paperwork the following day for it. Being she is my sister I trusted her to give me the papers the next day. I happened to browse Craigslist only to find an ad resembling the car I just bought off her with her phone number. I called to see if she could take the ad down because I figured that she put this up before I bought the car when she told me she isn't going to take the ad down and the car is for sale. For those of you accusing of me owing her money...I did not owe anything to her before hand and paid her in full for the car. I had originally given my mom the money to give to my sister so it is not like she cannot say I have no proof the money wasn't given to her. My mom has been on her case about stealing the money and we are still working things out. Will give an update if it does eventually work out.

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

agreeclassic 30 849

vote type 1 9 737

Nice to know

By justin bieber's nutsack - 06/06/2015 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

agreeclassic 29 270

vote type 1 2 809

By iamfab - 06/06/2015 05:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

agreeclassic 30 292

vote type 1 5 082

By Anonymous - 06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

agreeclassic 31 952

vote type 1 2 202

By CassidyQueen - 06/06/2015 02:14 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

agreeclassic 31 255

vote type 1 5 581

By cbarr98 - 06/06/2015 01:00 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

agreeclassic 30 877

vote type 1 3 021

By fugly - 06/06/2015 00:44 - United States - Landenberg

Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML

agreeclassic 28 039

vote type 1 2 373

By Dissent21 - 05/06/2015 21:29 - United States - Boise

Today, one of my two roommates moved out without warning after we discovered that the rent hadn't been paid in full in a month, the utility bill hadn't been paid in two months, and the electric bill hadn't been paid in three months. We found out when the power was turned off. FML

agreeclassic 27 124

vote type 1 3 976

Dissent21 app_comment_confession_title

Dissent21 3

Thursday 11 June 2015 19:05

I didn't really just "assume". We'd had a long conversation about who was going to be paying what bills, and we had an established system. I thought. She just sort of... didn't hold up her end, and then didn't tell me there was a problem.

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 18:05 - United States - Haslet

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

agreeclassic 29 956

vote type 1 2 622

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 15:58 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML

agreeclassic 29 122

vote type 1 3 515

By Dig4life - 05/06/2015 13:42 - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

agreeclassic 29 791

vote type 1 2 292

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 12:21 - Sweden - Goteborg

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

agreeclassic 31 538

vote type 1 2 304

Not lovin' it

By jared576 - 05/06/2015 03:01

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 34 817

vote type 1 2 770

By winneuse - 05/06/2015 02:30 - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

agreeclassic 26 087

vote type 1 3 756

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

agreeclassic 30 853

vote type 1 2 140

By NoMoreTacoBell - 04/06/2015 16:21 - United States - Herndon

Today, I made out with a boy for the first time. I belched into his mouth. FML

agreeclassic 27 368

vote type 1 6 650

NoMoreTacoBell app_comment_confession_title

NoMoreTacoBell 7

Saturday 6 June 2015 7:59

Hahaha I never thought this would get posted! So the long story is, me and this boy have been best friends for a long time, Taco Bell and burping contests are a regular part of our friendship (and many other less-gross things). First of all let's clear up that I DID NOT VOMIT in his mouth. Not that a burp is much better but oh well. We just started dating recently so I was mortified, but our being best friends helped us both laugh it off in the end. Definitely should have called this one TacoBelch.

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 09:08 - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

agreeclassic 30 982

vote type 1 2 371