Transportation: Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when... - FML

By ctschantz - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

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Trip Advisor says no

Mr Sensitivity

My body, my choice

By Anonymous

Today, at college, the weird guy who stares at me every day came over, said, "I've made you a mixtape," then handed me an old, empty Queen's Greatest Hits CD case and scuttled off. FML

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By Really - United States - Middletown

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

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By Never Going Back To The Doctor - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

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By kaitlynn - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

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By TheIVkindaruinsthemood - United States - Milford

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

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By Sack - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

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By Massasam - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

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By somebody - United States

Today, the babysitter not only clogged the toilet, they tried to unclog it with our vacuum cleaner hose. FML

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By thisiswhyimsingle - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Qualicum Beach

Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with: "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML

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By Tiff676 - Canada

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

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By lonely dreams - United States - Reno

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

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By danii - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

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By littlepsychgirl - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

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By Briscuit - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

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By nerd_man01 - United States

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML

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By MyLyfeSux - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

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By dumped - South Africa

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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By ocean555 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

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By BDSarah

Special

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

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By forgotten - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

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By garrett - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

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By MistressSuzuka - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

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By petlover - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my girlfriend that I miss the amazing sex life we used to have, as we haven't had sex in months. She accidentally blurted out, "Well, I've still got one." It seems our neighbour has taken over my role in the bedroom. FML

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By poolboy - United States

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

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By nick - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

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By Kirby - United States

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot." Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

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By Innocent - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

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By nightmare ass

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

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By -- - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

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By verydepressed - Russian Federation - Seversk

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

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By Jenn P - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Georgetown

Make it work

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By Pissy

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

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Top comments

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1508126 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:03

This happens all the time. I actually got into (unlocked) car once. It took me fiddling with the ignition before I realized it wasn't my car. Luckily the alarm didn't go off or the owner didn't show up.

By Volcom722 | 2

#1508112 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:00

Haha way to go :)

COMMENTS

By Volcom722 | 2

#1508112 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:00

Haha way to go :)

Reply

iGrenade | 0

#1508238 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:21

op's an idiot.
learn to look for distinctions.

EX license plate, bumper stickers, stuffed animals in the back etc

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1508796 - Thursday 7 October 2010 0:25

Ok...so? Where's the fml? This isn't a fuck my life. This is just a "oh shit" moment.

Reply

EffinAhole | 0

#1510212 - Thursday 7 October 2010 5:26

lube in the seat, condom wrappers on the floorboard, dildo in the center console etc.

Reply

BadasS14 | 0

#1510761 - Thursday 7 October 2010 8:32

phahaha dumbass!!

Reply

michael11891 | 0

#1511810 - Thursday 7 October 2010 15:00

I love how people put cute guy or girl like that makes the situation so much worse.

Reply

michael11891 | 0

#1512735 - Thursday 7 October 2010 17:48

I love how people put cute guy or girl like that makes the situation so much worse.

By aliadnan708 | 6

#1508121 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:01

lol that's funny

Reply

randomchickkk | 0

#1510378 - Thursday 7 October 2010 6:21

all you had to do was explain to him OP. nbd.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1508126 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:03

This happens all the time. I actually got into (unlocked) car once. It took me fiddling with the ignition before I realized it wasn't my car. Luckily the alarm didn't go off or the owner didn't show up.

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#1508300 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:33

Do something to make your car more unique. I noticed that it can be difficult to tell my vehicle apart ever since I sold my truck and got a Grand Am. Apparently there's a lot of them.

By hnz | 13

#1508144 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:06

I think you should have realized it was not your car when the sound doesn't tally

By mona_is_here | 10

#1508153 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:06

When I was in middle school and my dad would pick me up at home and drive to school, I sometimes got his car mixed up with someone others. I always felt embarrassed because my vision sucks and it's a proof of that. But your case isn't so bad, OP :)

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1508168 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:08

I did that too, except I got my mom's car confused with rusty vans labeled "free candy" on the side

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#1508371 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 20:03

No chance you made it through. You must be some kind of a superhero.

By stitch_book | 4

#1508155 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:07

seems more like a Win than a FML. :/

By MAGNAVOX | 0

#1508157 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:07

Sorry if double post.

Did you guys have sex in his car afterwards?

By 20waffleater10 | 0

#1508191 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:11

you must be a blonde with big tits

By mrahhhhh | 19

#1508193 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:11

Well now you have a conversation starter.

Next thing you know you'll be posting a LML from the back of his car :D !

By OceanMinded | 0

#1508199 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:12

That would be quite the awkward confrontation! :/