Transportation: Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 38

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 135

06/10/2010 14:29

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 476

Mama's boy

Leave us alone

Halitosis

You owe me $5, kitty

By georgia819 - 21/05/2009 08:06

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 441

You deserved it 4 303

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 457

25/09/2018 07:00

Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 407

You deserved it 221

09/07/2015 03:13

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 532

You deserved it 2 336

15/09/2012 11:36

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 401

You deserved it 2 363

29/03/2009 04:12

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 205

You deserved it 10 457

31/01/2010 00:32

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 403

You deserved it 4 441

17/11/2009 21:19

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 189

You deserved it 13 098

30/09/2009 22:57

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 271

You deserved it 3 046

13/08/2019 06:00

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 733

05/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 494

You deserved it 399

16/12/2010 05:49

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 989

You deserved it 5 554

Trust issues

By baby.momma2 - 18/03/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that while I was pregnant, my boyfriend asked at least one other woman for nudes. He claims it was a drunk mistake and wants to "keep his little family together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 124

13/01/2009 02:47

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 141

You deserved it 3 441

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 513

01/09/2017 16:00

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 2 466

15/11/2012 01:04

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 046

You deserved it 2 005

07/09/2009 14:25

Spicy

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 591

You deserved it 36 104

16/04/2014 00:20

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 976

You deserved it 5 793

03/08/2010 22:37

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 7 390

20/05/2011 19:05

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 868

You deserved it 42 386

07/07/2016 07:15

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 555

You deserved it 1 445

27/03/2011 18:09

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 481

You deserved it 31 018

17/06/2009 14:06

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 502

You deserved it 10 250

23/12/2009 05:05

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 5 910

18/08/2009 04:38

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 471

You deserved it 52 133

Tyranny

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 22:01

Today, I got called "useless" by my mother for not doing what she wants me to do. She also said that I've accomplished nothing, and that I can’t and never will. It’s barely 10 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 119

01/03/2013 07:18

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 603

You deserved it 7 368

16/10/2015 15:05

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 051

You deserved it 2 981

17/02/2010 01:30

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 2 812

21/10/2015 04:09

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 026

You deserved it 2 661

29/09/2018 13:30

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 434

10/02/2009 21:15

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 121

You deserved it 3 838

26/10/2010 13:50

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 712

You deserved it 3 880

Out of order

By HornyWife - 13/06/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 317

16/06/2011 00:24

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 6 098

Damn Luke

By So not a Luke - 11/03/2021 13:01

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 95

01/01/2016 08:35

Today, I found out what it means to be the only single person in my group of friends. They had a New Year's party and didn't invite me because they didn't want me to "feel alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 832

You deserved it 1 636

Who? Where? Why? What?

By up to no-good... - 22/08/2014 04:09

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 370

You deserved it 3 209

28/09/2014 11:40

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 4 146

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Top comments

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:03

This happens all the time. I actually got into (unlocked) car once. It took me fiddling with the ignition before I realized it wasn't my car. Luckily the alarm didn't go off or the owner didn't show up.

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:00

Haha way to go :)

Comments

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:00

Haha way to go :)

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:21

op's an idiot. learn to look for distinctions. EX license plate, bumper stickers, stuffed animals in the back etc

KingDingALing 9

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Thursday 7 October 2010 0:25

Ok...so? Where's the fml? This isn't a fuck my life. This is just a "oh shit" moment.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 5:26

lube in the seat, condom wrappers on the floorboard, dildo in the center console etc.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 8:32

phahaha dumbass!!

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Thursday 7 October 2010 15:00

I love how people put cute guy or girl like that makes the situation so much worse.

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Thursday 7 October 2010 17:48

I love how people put cute guy or girl like that makes the situation so much worse.

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:01

lol that's funny

randomchickkk 0

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Thursday 7 October 2010 6:21

all you had to do was explain to him OP. nbd.

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:03

This happens all the time. I actually got into (unlocked) car once. It took me fiddling with the ignition before I realized it wasn't my car. Luckily the alarm didn't go off or the owner didn't show up.

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:33

Do something to make your car more unique. I noticed that it can be difficult to tell my vehicle apart ever since I sold my truck and got a Grand Am. Apparently there's a lot of them.

hnz 13

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:06

I think you should have realized it was not your car when the sound doesn't tally

mona_is_here 10

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:06

When I was in middle school and my dad would pick me up at home and drive to school, I sometimes got his car mixed up with someone others. I always felt embarrassed because my vision sucks and it's a proof of that. But your case isn't so bad, OP :)

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:08

I did that too, except I got my mom's car confused with rusty vans labeled "free candy" on the side

mona_is_here 10

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 20:03

No chance you made it through. You must be some kind of a superhero.

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:07

seems more like a Win than a FML. :/

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:07

Sorry if double post. Did you guys have sex in his car afterwards?

20waffleater10 0

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:11

you must be a blonde with big tits

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:11

Well now you have a conversation starter. Next thing you know you'll be posting a LML from the back of his car :D !

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:12

That would be quite the awkward confrontation! :/