Health: Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that... - FML

By why?? - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12491

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1344

Tweet

Share

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

A boy can dream

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51123

You deserved it

3661

Tweet

Share

By Joey - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21796

You deserved it

2345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45807

You deserved it

3180

Tweet

Share

By missmolliss - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28075

You deserved it

3357

Tweet

Share

By Chandra - Canada - Brampton

Thank God it's Monday tomorrow

Today, I had to pee at work. I ended up using all the toilet paper. When I opened the door to leave, a dude was waiting to use the washroom. I told him there was no more toilet paper. He goes, “You finished all of it?” I panicked and said, “No, I didn’t use any!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1486

You deserved it

563

Tweet

Share

By sarah6786 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47548

You deserved it

4833

Tweet

Share

By Erin - United States

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8354

You deserved it

20579

Tweet

Share

By lolfayce - United States

Today, I was at the costume rental shop I work at, when I saw a kid trying to walk out the door wearing what appeared to be one of our fake monster claws, so I chased him down and grabbed it. It wasn't. It was his prosthetic hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16621

You deserved it

36305

Tweet

Share

By zero_minded12 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33776

You deserved it

70973

Tweet

Share

By OptMouse - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26663

You deserved it

2783

Tweet

Share

By C45 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35508

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

By mannnnn

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47627

You deserved it

6043

Tweet

Share

By pirate prude - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4939

You deserved it

2005

Tweet

Share

By Broken Leg, Broken Job

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5234

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By Melinda - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28595

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By Poordaughter5 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11064

You deserved it

763

Tweet

Share

By All a hoax - 25/10/2020 20:05 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Don't know, don't care

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

822

You deserved it

427

Tweet

Share

By Anon - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am feeling freezing cold and soaking wet. It turns out that my dad had opened my window when I was sleeping, and rain water had been pouring in on me all night. My hair, face, pillow, blankets, alarm clock, and homework were all soaked as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51401

You deserved it

3609

Tweet

Share

By Duckie W - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57600

You deserved it

6201

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9970

You deserved it

48341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36187

You deserved it

3765

Tweet

Share

By Brilliant... - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50472

You deserved it

5292

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, for the third time this month, my family ridiculed me for being picky for ordering a burger without lettuce. They know I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1695

You deserved it

161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32723

You deserved it

2702

Tweet

Share

By anon - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35140

You deserved it

7392

Tweet

Share

By Fat Arsed Lass - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38400

You deserved it

9457

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50492

You deserved it

8122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dayton

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44553

You deserved it

6033

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55057

You deserved it

8919

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25098

You deserved it

42255

Tweet

Share

By Juggernaut Drive

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2568

You deserved it

1361

Tweet

Share

By crossl17

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1103

You deserved it

4546

Tweet

Share

By Nearly Crashed - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49369

You deserved it

9060

Tweet

Share

By Nola

Today, my fiancé got his associate degree in the mail. Wanting to surprise him when he got home, I opened it to display it before going out to buy groceries. His dog got a hold of his degree and shredded it to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2232

You deserved it

1719

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 13:59

Check these out, guys!

Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

317

You deserved it

669

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32036

You deserved it

2809

Tweet

Share

By alex327 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22242

You deserved it

2012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while waiting on the platform, a blind man asked out loud for some help getting into the subway car. I helped him through the doors and into a seat. I decided to sit down as well. Twenty minutes later, I realized I was on the wrong subway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27634

You deserved it

6889

Tweet

Share

By Gross... - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38523

You deserved it

3255

Tweet

Share

By Neutered - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26053

You deserved it

6702

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Enkeria | 30

#6614161 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:34

That sounds painful! I'm sorry this happened to you! Feel better soon!

By totallynotemily | 25

#6614141 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:10

Get well soon OP!

COMMENTS

By totallynotemily | 25

#6614141 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:10

Get well soon OP!

By Enkeria | 30

#6614161 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:34

That sounds painful! I'm sorry this happened to you! Feel better soon!

By thatweirdasian | 22

#6614163 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:35

Eeeeeekkk!!! FYL indeed! Get well soon!!!

By wow2mylife | 25

#6614164 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:36

eek that super painful

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6614166 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:37

Sounds like a fun day.

By wasliedtoasakid | 22

#6614178 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:56

Your body must hate you... Sorry, OP. Get well soon!

By clemagh | 7

#6614179 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 2:58

Do you have a job? If so how many days have you missesd? Get well soon OP!

By Mathalamus | 24

#6614181 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 3:03

that sounds incredibly painful. i "only" have a sinus toothache. a bad one.

i like to suffer, so, wanna trade illnesses? :P

By saifnaqvi11 | 21

#6614246 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 4:51

I actually have a sinus infection right now what a coincidence it actually sucks especially the yellow shit that comes out your nose.

By princesskammm | 20

#6614265 - Wednesday 25 May 2016 5:27

If it's not one thing, it's another. Sorry to hear it, OP!