Animals: Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 17:39 - United States - Dearborn

Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 079

You deserved it 1 873

Vulture

Stop talking!

Kids are gross

Renovations

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 19:59 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, after buying an old house that lacks plumbing a few weeks ago, I’m still crapping in a bucket in the barn. My two favorite Christmas gifts are still 2 pieces of rubber to dampen the noise from my new sewage pump and a used ceramic toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 304

By livgasms - 18/08/2011 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 724

You deserved it 5 091

By Eisenhorn - 10/06/2015 17:55 - United States

Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 562

You deserved it 2 119

By runescapeftw - 29/12/2009 18:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 465

You deserved it 2 665

By Chensticles - 14/10/2009 01:25 - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 111

You deserved it 3 637

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 709

You deserved it 53 281

By good-samaritan-fail - 06/10/2009 15:56 - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 099

You deserved it 9 406

By Jo - 26/10/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 863

You deserved it 3 049

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 241

You deserved it 3 605

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Spicy

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 973

You deserved it 4 581

By Kate - 29/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Concord

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 187

You deserved it 2 864

By Gabriela - 23/11/2011 01:00

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 706

You deserved it 5 862

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, I received my best compliment of the year so far when an ER doctor commented positively on the clarity of my urine sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 690

You deserved it 2 361

By notquitejuliet - 04/07/2015 00:54 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 238

You deserved it 6 651

By Fatty - 17/05/2011 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 173

You deserved it 16 032

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 17:33 - Australia

Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 1 812

By omgstfuplz - 16/09/2009 08:38 - United States

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 949

You deserved it 13 418

By SeeingGreen - 08/05/2017 02:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex popped up as someone I might know as instagram, complete with his workout photos. My fiance is mad at me for showing these to my family, even though the consensus is that my ex looks like a condom stuffed with marbles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 502

You deserved it 1 293

By Kait - 05/04/2012 04:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 3 461

Snoozefest

By notsogood - 08/11/2013 20:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 454

You deserved it 19 344

Feu Orange

By Farty - 02/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 246

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 820

You deserved it 474

By sadgirl - 16/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 434

By Stupid - 01/03/2019 04:00

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's wife. He's still saying he is not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 302

By jazz - 22/01/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 219

You deserved it 5 736

By Jimmy Joe - 08/09/2017 20:00

Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 391

You deserved it 850

By Anonymous - 11/05/2014 19:22 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 119

You deserved it 3 576

Only tighty whities

By Anonymous - 05/11/2019 23:45

Today, my brother aged 12 years old tried doing laundry for the first time and ruined all my clothes with bleach. When my dad drove him to Walmart to buy replacement clothes for me, he bought me tighty whities. We both have worn boxers our whole lives. My dad won't return them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 315

Side effects

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 18:59 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 107

By wow, thanks - 18/08/2012 00:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 855

You deserved it 2 351

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 938

You deserved it 25 850

By ShampooThief - 12/04/2015 03:05 - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 608

You deserved it 3 002

By ... - 05/02/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 911

You deserved it 70 120

By WastedTime - 07/08/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 688

You deserved it 5 707

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 21:46 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Spicy

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 623

You deserved it 6 633

Venmo me

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 14:01

Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 198

By weddinggirl - 27/08/2010 09:57 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 369

You deserved it 10 033

By :( - 06/06/2013 23:37 - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 825

You deserved it 4 733

By oaksac191 - 26/10/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 381

You deserved it 7 747

By halien1982 - 03/01/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 415

You deserved it 35 289

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Thursday 26 May 2016 0:48

All pussy jokes aside, you need to talk to your girlfriend if you feel like that. Communication can go a long way especially in a relationship.

bella_nana347 23

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Thursday 26 May 2016 0:53

Just become a cat

Comments

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Thursday 26 May 2016 0:46

I'm sure that's not true. Maybe you should have a conversation with her about it. That might help.

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Friday 27 May 2016 8:30

if OP feels that way, it truly might be. But really OP, if it is true and she likes her cat THAT much more than you, its time to find someone else.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 May 2016 0:47

I guess she'll be the only one getting pussy tonight.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 0:48

All pussy jokes aside, you need to talk to your girlfriend if you feel like that. Communication can go a long way especially in a relationship.

bella_nana347 23

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Thursday 26 May 2016 5:23

Well not every relationship is purfect

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Thursday 26 May 2016 23:09

out. lolol @32

bella_nana347 23

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Thursday 26 May 2016 0:53

Just become a cat

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Thursday 26 May 2016 0:56

Thank you so much, this advice has changed my life. All of my problems have suddenly disappeared. I'm gonna make 15 accounts just to thumbs this up more.

bella_nana347 23

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Thursday 26 May 2016 3:20

I'm glad to have solved all of your life problems #5

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Thursday 26 May 2016 4:04

I like the way you think.

URBeingLied2 23

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Thursday 26 May 2016 4:21

Polyjuice potion is hard to make though!

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Thursday 26 May 2016 5:26

24-- you can just transfigure into a cat. Professor McGonagall's animagus is a cat.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 1:02

Either eliminate the competition or eliminate the girlfriend.

liebe123110 29

Thursday 26 May 2016 1:06

I feel the same way about my boyfriend and his Xbox.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 May 2016 1:15

Just put your 'xbox' in his face.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 1:15

As someone who loves their Playstation 3 (Age aside and New released systems ignored) That's some steep competition. Best bet, try to enjoy it with him. Gamers like to game, it's our harmless addiction.

liebe123110 29

Thursday 26 May 2016 3:03

Maybe, but I think playing 12 hours a day is a bit much. And he doesn't like split screen so I can't play with him.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 4:22

12 hours a day? If that's not an exaggeration than does he even actually spend time with you?

liebe123110 29

Thursday 26 May 2016 13:17

I'll admit it's a slight exaggeration, in that he doesn't play that long every day. But he has before, and probably would nearly every day if I let him.

LyricaSilvan 29

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Thursday 26 May 2016 1:24

Not trying to be a jerk, but instead of complaining to a bunch of strangers on the internet, try doing something to solve the problem. Either talk to her about how you feel, or move on to someone else.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 5:33

My girl plays ps4 with me. get him another controller or find a game you like. driving around in gta 5 is always fun.

anormalperson 25

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Thursday 26 May 2016 7:24

"Instead of complaining to a bunch of strangers on the Internet" But...that's the point of FML.

LyricaSilvan 29

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Thursday 26 May 2016 8:40

In most cases, yes. But to me this just seems like a stupid thing to complain about.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 1:24

I will admit I probably kiss my dog more than my husband, but he's still my main squeeze. Animals are just so innocent and cuddly and warm and inviting to snug with and kiss on. I'm sure she loves you way more.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 1:25

Speak to her about how you're feeling! If you guys aren't looking for the same things in a relationship (affection it seems like) it might be time to move on. Or kill the cat and piss on the corpse to assert dominance.

Emyka 26

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Thursday 26 May 2016 1:26

I had to look at the location of the FML to make sure my boyfriend didn't post this. Whoopsie. What can I say, I love my cat.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 773

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 998