Miscellaneous: Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 112

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 1 468

26/05/2016 10:04

Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 913

You deserved it 823

Late term

Another great day to be alive

Paranoia

31/01/2016 19:32

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 209

You deserved it 4 761

13/07/2019 16:30

Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 116

23/01/2013 18:03

Today, my school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 234

You deserved it 5 696

Yummy

By EwwwwYuck - 03/08/2020 02:02

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 311

05/11/2009 01:23

Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 822

You deserved it 8 327

18/01/2015 03:45

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 266

You deserved it 8 438

10/11/2010 15:29

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 574

You deserved it 54 070

07/04/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 489

You deserved it 158

Official notice

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 08:01

Today, my daughter wrote a statement refusing to have to look after her brother in the event me and my husband die, then had it made into a legal document by a notary. I love my boy, but he's dumb as a rock and will probably be a lifelong burden to us, so I don’t even blame her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 232

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 11:01

Today, my dad said he hates gay people. My parents don't know I'm gay. I'm a high school senior. I wish I could just have someone to love and to love me, I just feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 2 095

Wake up bark

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 05:00

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 54

08/12/2011 11:55

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 8 324

02/08/2009 16:14

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 602

You deserved it 3 162

13/02/2016 01:07

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 279

You deserved it 2 767

02/02/2010 15:40

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 090

You deserved it 3 085

It's a learned behavior

By laurilove7 - 27/04/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 1 219

23/10/2014 05:18

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 712

You deserved it 3 706

We got a reader!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 05:18

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 589

You deserved it 3 768

23/04/2009 05:22

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 198

You deserved it 6 711

13/11/2008 03:57

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 158

You deserved it 2 309

29/10/2012 20:49

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 300

You deserved it 6 655

18/07/2016 11:51

Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 040

You deserved it 1 157

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 1 008

31/12/2008 01:36

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 11 246

07/10/2013 06:11

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 207

You deserved it 8 054

03/10/2012 21:33

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 341

You deserved it 4 678

Fashion blogger

By Alyssa - 27/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline and saw a picture of my friend in a ridiculous wig. I left a comment telling her how stupid the wig looked, but how great it was to have a friend with a sense of humour. She replied, telling me it wasn't a wig, it was her new hairstyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 1 879

21/06/2009 21:46

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 530

You deserved it 3 942

11/03/2014 00:26

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 652

You deserved it 7 423

21/07/2009 22:17

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 544

You deserved it 3 719

04/11/2010 23:54

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 695

You deserved it 9 546

23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 190

You deserved it 790

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 07:59

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me his Kit Kat like he normally does, he called me his "Kit Kat Chunky". When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 256

New deal

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "No", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "Deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 611

You deserved it 265

22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 067

You deserved it 391

27/11/2010 17:36

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 371

You deserved it 41 506

Can't win

By confused - 12/06/2020 02:06

Spicy

Today, I was told by my wife that she was moving in with her mother, because I was causing her to have panic attacks. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs a few months to herself. I have given her her way for most of our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 275

30/11/2009 05:51

Spicy

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 267

You deserved it 3 203

Comeback

By Pinsky - 20/09/2021 01:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on the guy I called a cuck in high school going down on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 1 499

09/06/2013 17:38

Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 614

You deserved it 15 022

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:21

At this point, it doesn't seem like they care or want to dissolve the problem using the resources available. It sucks beyond belief, but just now rather than paying for them to get an exterminator, you have to pay for yourself to get one. Nonetheless, it allows you some control of the situation, regardless of how awful it is.

SegaTortoise 12

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:11

have them pay for it or put a wasp nest in their place

Comments

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:10

I am so sorry

nonsensical 26

Thursday 26 May 2016 18:10

Your neighbor's stubbornness would bug the shit out of me

SegaTortoise 12

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:11

have them pay for it or put a wasp nest in their place

domolovesyoshi 33

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Thursday 26 May 2016 20:14

How exactly are they going to carry a wasps nest into their neighbours without getting stung? (Purely curious for um er you know science)

PhoenixChick 26

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Thursday 26 May 2016 22:07

You wait until a cold snap, or late at night, as the wasps are inactive when it's cold. Or get a beekeeper suit!

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:14

Move or scoop up the bugs and put them back in your neighbors house

pandainspandex 19

Thursday 26 May 2016 18:54

You clearly have no experience with bedbugs. If only it was that easy.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:21

At this point, it doesn't seem like they care or want to dissolve the problem using the resources available. It sucks beyond belief, but just now rather than paying for them to get an exterminator, you have to pay for yourself to get one. Nonetheless, it allows you some control of the situation, regardless of how awful it is.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 May 2016 18:22

Depending on your area, bed bug infestations may have to be reported to the local government. They definitely have to reported to your apartment manager, who the one actually responsible for handling the situation. You may have legal right to sue your neighbor and make him pay for the extermination and any other damages caused.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:29

At least you don't teach high schoolers.

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:31

This.

moondoglou420 17

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:32

This has become like a high stakes game of pong now

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Thursday 26 May 2016 18:48

Simply can't treat one and not the other.....I would be moving... Instantly

okaydisarray 17

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Thursday 26 May 2016 22:30

It's not smart to move when you know there are bed bugs in your home. You'll just take them with you.

faeryofshalott 25

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Thursday 26 May 2016 19:06

And once they stop using the fogger, the bed bugs will go back to them. Though I highly recommend you getting an exterminator for your condo and scheduling checks with the exterminator for the next few months. Bed bugs can crawl into baseboards and hibernate for months.

okaydisarray 17

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Thursday 26 May 2016 22:35

What? No. Once bed bugs find a new area with a food source they will stay. It's also very likely that at least one of those bugs has been inseminated and will be laying eggs in OPs place. Additionally, they are only likely to hibernate if they have no source of food.