Animals: Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly,... - FML

By pacificbeach - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Our house, in the middle of our street

Fishy anxiety

By Anonymous

Getting fit for all the wrong reasons

Today, for the 28th consecutive day, I went jogging for an hour, even though I never really used to, just to get away from my husband and two kids, because being stuck in lockdown with them is boring me out of my mind. FML

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By Anonymous - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

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By NoDocVisit - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

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By dom - United States

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

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By badessaymyass - United States - Phoenix

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

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By bun593 - United States

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

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By 123_omg

Today, I got a surround sound system from my best friend. I didn't even have it hooked up when the sub woofer fell to the floor and smashed. I don't know if it can be fixed. FML

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By teach - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

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By cold-n-stinky - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

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By Failure2017 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

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By KC - United States

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

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By eeeee - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

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By novdestiny

Today, I discovered that, because my boyfriend has locked himself out of his car so many times, he now keeps a coat hanger to break in. He keeps it IN the car. FML

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By Inga44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

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By CollegeBoy - Canada

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

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By gassy - United States - Aubrey

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

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By xXshitface4uXx - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

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By Jacqueline - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By blank13 - United States

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 08:01

Protection

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

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By vreenya - Chile - Santiago

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 02:02

Stay classy, bro

Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML

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By Anonymous

Every little helps

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

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By emogurl - United States

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Scruffy 'erbert

Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

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By vbscb - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

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By missmycomp - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

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By ok cool - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

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By demonporn - 4/12/2020 11:01

Snitch

Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML

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By FMJoblessL - United States

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Imperial

Today, I started a new internship. I couldn't do anything until I was trained, and I couldn't be trained until I had a login. I stared at a wall for three hours. FML

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Top comments

By caward96 | 0

#11817 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:02

that seriously sucks. but you deserved it because who the hell doesnt realize when they havent seen their cat?

By frankoisdarkel | 0

#11829 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:06

you should not be a pet owner, sorry. and it's just karma- be selfish and it'll come back and bite you on the ass

COMMENTS

By caward96 | 0

#11817 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:02

that seriously sucks. but you deserved it because who the hell doesnt realize when they havent seen their cat?

Reply

coreywh | 0

#1083727 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 10:56

animal haters cats r loving creatures not just to let die gosh u fail at owning pets

Reply

metal8214 | 0

#1388411 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:16

they don't even know their toes are missing...

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1597466 - Monday 25 October 2010 1:34

91 is mormon.

Reply

nahgemsoohc | 0

#3583976 - Monday 14 November 2011 10:41

If they're so inconsiderate as to leave their roommates to clean up the stench, I guess it goes to show what kind of people they are

Reply

Tyrax | 16

#6684152 - Tuesday 6 September 2016 8:11

Seriously, if I haven't seen my cat for a day, I'm looking and asking the other people in the house.

By frankoisdarkel | 0

#11829 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:06

you should not be a pet owner, sorry. and it's just karma- be selfish and it'll come back and bite you on the ass

Reply

cerulean_rules | 2

#1821359 - Friday 10 December 2010 2:21

Agreed who the hell would be so selfish as to neglect an animal that depends on you. OP is an idiot.

Reply

faithlee | 13

#3512895 - Sunday 30 October 2011 13:43

What the fuck

Reply

I_lost_the_game | 25

#3956667 - Saturday 28 January 2012 16:11

98: so... You kill cats for fun? Is that what you mean or am I misunderstanding?

Reply

bernardbrown | 7

#5233320 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:56

Someone's a psychotic bastard. @98

By neonoodle | 0

#11832 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:07

I hope this is made up.

By miSSy_tOri | 0

#11844 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:12

thats mean . you deserve to have your apartment stink!

By marris | 0

#11868 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:20

If this is even partially true you belong in a mental institution.

By Cecona | 0

#11873 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:22

That's horrible! How can you not notice your cat is missing? I would definitely notice if my cat went missing because I love my cat.

By resonatesbliss | 0

#11884 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:26

uhhhh wowwwww. poor cat.

By jesusjr | 0

#11898 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By virgin4life | 0

#11901 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:30

YOU KNOW WHAT I SUPPORT YOU YOGURTLAND IS SO DANK ESPECIALLY THE ONE IN PB!

By greenman_fml | 0

#11925 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

lemonypower | 6

#1642361 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 3:48

Team Dog!!! I don't approve of this fml even though I hate cats forgetting about them is f'd up because they love u and trust u.YDI

Reply

morgs1 | 0

#1682020 - Thursday 11 November 2010 11:59

I loove dogs! I have a German shepherd and she's adorable and loyal and cats are annoying and lazy

Reply

faithlee | 13

#3512904 - Sunday 30 October 2011 13:46

Are you kidding me? I'm sure lots of people will have that to say about you when you die.

Reply

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3577019 - Saturday 12 November 2011 18:38

*watches cats are way better comments unfold*