All the FMLs

This is the OP. 1.My car got keyed. 2. Sorry I still have morals and actually help people. I'm not afraid to stand for what I believe in. 3. Idk it was a spur of the moment descion. I thought by the time the police came he could be seriously injured.

By omgwtf - 18/10/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 802

You deserved it 5 549

Good one, mom

By hairdresser - 18/10/2009 15:27 - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year-old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She'd just given my sister a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 079

You deserved it 5 226

Gotcha moment

By nick - 18/10/2009 13:39 - Canada

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him, "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied, " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 097

You deserved it 54 755

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 13:36 - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 504

You deserved it 2 898

By presidont - 18/10/2009 12:25 - Switzerland

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 627

You deserved it 51 662

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 10:52 - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 7 787

By loveless - 18/10/2009 10:30 - Australia

Today, I realised that the last three people to see my intimate parts these last weeks were my beautician, my doctor and the lady who did my check up ultra sound. Oh, and I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 606

You deserved it 5 719

By Anonwymous - 18/10/2009 10:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 977

You deserved it 5 532

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 088

You deserved it 2 538

Priorities

By karina17 - 18/10/2009 05:03 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late. He said, "Oh, something came up." I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 409

You deserved it 2 334

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 788

You deserved it 2 271

By paris78 - 18/10/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a Happy Meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 943

You deserved it 4 155

Not so secret anymore

By Lovenotes - 17/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 407

You deserved it 43 088

By hamster cookie - 17/10/2009 21:08 - France

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 326

You deserved it 5 097

Smell you later

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 797

You deserved it 2 705

By AdriBAMF - 17/10/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 335

You deserved it 7 773

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 16:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 985

You deserved it 5 306

By Ohgreat - 17/10/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 547

You deserved it 46 797

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 123

You deserved it 2 409

Bad timing

By amya - 17/10/2009 08:39 - Canada

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 393

You deserved it 9 960

By PukinFireman - 17/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 171

You deserved it 5 114

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 567

You deserved it 2 206

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 935

You deserved it 3 829

Today, as we packed for a vacation, I saw my boyfriend pack several pairs of the ugly gray socks he knows I hate. I took and threw them away before we left. One flight, cab ride, and furious argument later, I learned that one pair had an engagement ring wrapped up inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 1 683

Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self-conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 366

Today, my entire workforce downed tools today until I fire our new Human Resources rep, who in only a few weeks has made the workplace miserable and frustrating, and has increased sick leave by 48% due to the 'Can’t Deal With Her Bullshit' Virus. I can’t fire her; she’s the owner's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 124

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 836

You deserved it 19 992

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 697

You deserved it 39 824