Health: Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take...

By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 591

You deserved it 3 810

Health

Leave us alone

Our house, in the middle of our street

Overreach

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 14:01

Today, as usual, I'm receiving constant texts and calls. I'm socially exhausted and just want to be left alone, but everyone I complain to just thinks I’m bragging about my popularity. Including my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 678

You deserved it 6 362

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 114

By Elevated fear - 24/12/2017 19:00

Today, I finally sought help for my crippling fear of elevators. When I arrived at my new therapist's office, I found the door to the stairs locked. To get to my appointment on the third floor of the building, I have to take the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 05:33 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my wife of 10 years bought me a bottle of wine, a wine rack and wine accessory kit for my birthday. She knows I don't like wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 767

You deserved it 1 790

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 644

By lonelyman - 20/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 155

You deserved it 7 559

By Anonymous - 25/09/2009 22:53 - Canada

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 275

You deserved it 35 338

Burn out

By ShitOuttaLuck - 02/10/2021 20:00

Today, I'm dead on my feet after being awake since 1AM with the baby. I begged my wife to watch both the baby and our four year-old for an hour while I napped. She refused, and instead said she needed a rest more. Her reason? “I might need to do a shit later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 141

By Cannachick - 17/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 418

By Anonymous - 25/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was in a huge traffic jam with my boyfriend due to heavy snowfall. After being in the car for 4 hours, we were stuck in a tunnel with hundreds of cars behind and in front of us. Then the diarrhea hit. I had to shit in a plastic bag in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 466

You deserved it 359

By kay - 03/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 4 907

By Nofun - 29/08/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 955

You deserved it 5 550

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 17:44 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 097

You deserved it 13 861

By Kelso - 06/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 2 513

By hawtpinkpanties - 04/05/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me a gift, something she's never done before. I was excited, until I found out it was one of her overdue library books about dolphins. I feel so loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 751

You deserved it 3 114

By Trash - 21/01/2009 14:23 - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 379

You deserved it 28 170

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 633

You deserved it 8 964

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 666

You deserved it 4 686

By anerdmom - 18/10/2018 14:00

Today, while dropping my son off at the bus stop before school, I went to give him a kiss on the cheek. Then, before I was able to make contact, he jumped away, yelled "PSYCH!!!!" as loud as he could, and jumped on the bus. The kids all laughed at me and the other parents looked embarrassed for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 836

You deserved it 337

By Rekt - 10/11/2016 05:40 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 706

You deserved it 735

Cloud Cuckooland

By Perry85 - 04/03/2020 03:02

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 2 996

By stuff2710 - 05/03/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 378

You deserved it 47 919

By Anonymous - 28/06/2019 16:03

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 489

Oh, hi grandma!

By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 298

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 450

You deserved it 14 934

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 554

You deserved it 20 213

By Anonypiss - 22/07/2015 16:21 - Canada - Pembroke

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 619

You deserved it 26 525

By Magnus_the_Red - 09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 509

You deserved it 3 960

Sorry, dude

By kiki - 25/05/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 804

You deserved it 12 601

By spasticock - 19/08/2012 18:09 - Portugal - Barreiro

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 311

You deserved it 3 649

By ...loud noises...urgh... - 02/11/2011 16:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 191

You deserved it 51 186

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 21:59 - Australia - Epping

Today, my disability job agent, who's supposed to help me find work that fits my limitations, told me to immediately withdraw from a job offer that suited me, because it didn't meet her "benchmark". She then told me that she would decide what's "appropriate" for me, and if I don't comply, my support will be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 52

By shit.... - 08/11/2012 18:25 - Malaysia - Kuala Selangor

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 574

You deserved it 31 234

By ProudMama - 08/01/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 3 231

By anal4me - 05/04/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 3 812

By nobodylovesme - 04/04/2013 06:46 - United States - Northridge

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 807

You deserved it 4 918

By anoynomous - 02/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 639

You deserved it 5 777

By bustedfornuthin - 08/09/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 811

You deserved it 2 485

By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - 05/01/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 442

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Top comments

Dale_xD 15

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:10

Lol nice. I forgot to let go of the ball :L

Vanity_Knight 3

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:20

Ouch. He did it on purpose. Kick his ass, I would xD

Dale_xD 15

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:10

Lol nice. I forgot to let go of the ball :L

bettadenne1 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:13

....so what did u bowl?

Dogman332 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:17

It sounds like they had a ball!

reyemrein 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:18

let's give dogman a rousing golf clap for his brilliant pun

majones 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:18

YDI for going bowling.

Talksyic 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:22

I hate puns. They're so corny. OP, sounds like your friend was being a day old douche bag.

saish 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:26

lol

Dale_xD 15

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:46

To #6 . . . Myself *blush*

Tripout 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:59

^^^^^ 0_0 anyone else think this is random???

nates0210 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 2:06

noooo... they said don't mess up! follow directions next time.

MetroidSlayer01 8

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Saturday 20 February 2010 2:48

@11, *shakes head*

isreal 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 3:05

beat his ass then throw the ball at him

that1bowler300 1

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Saturday 20 February 2010 3:05

your not the only one. lol I see that a lot

HoesInaBox 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 3:08

36 and 38 made my day!

jerrman 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 3:55

hahaha, nice!!!

Felium 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 3:59

lol i actully laguhed at this

bcns 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 5:00

bahahahahahahahaha

MadaZer0 8

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Saturday 20 February 2010 5:07

Haha... He likes dropping balls on himself XD

M4V3R1CKR13 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 5:22

bitch slap her for revenge >:)

TapeMan_3000 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 5:34

that sucks hope this guys foot doesn't need medical attention

mmhmm138 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 6:56

He deserves it for not listening to his friend

theian01 3

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Saturday 20 February 2010 17:18

... You messed up.

rawrlily 0

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Thursday 6 October 2011 0:00

Shut the fuck up Donny.

katplayer 4

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:10

I hope the ball wasn't too heavy.

Toxxic_Blackout 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:28

I hope it was.

natedog193 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 2:18

^this

Averizzle 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 5:08

Threesome

pepsie_fml 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:11

hAha wow

snuu_man 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 1:07

I guess you should have listened...

reyemrein 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:12

and the acceptance bar for an FML just got lower

bigpapi210 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:13

that sucks

matt1234321 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:14

hahaha smooth

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:15

:) good job.

beiberlookalike1 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 4:47

samantha_durano is hotttt!!! :)) dammm nice pic!!;)) <333

MermaidSongXOXO 6

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:16

A broken foot? Pshh. No. That's too simple. You have a highly untreatable crack in the bone plates of your foot that will require months, maybe even years, of physical therapy to heal. At least, that's what you're gonna tell your friend. Get where I'm going with this? :]