Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes...

By sexxibxmami - 19/2/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

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Love

Last dates

True hero

Gas giant

By TheComedyAudio - 25/2/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

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By car trouble - 14/10/2016 08:12 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

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13040

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By forest killer girl - 14/9/2017 16:00

Today, I went out with a friendly guy who's very passionate about the environment and everything was going fine until he asked about my job. I work as a clerk in a plantation company. He went from Mr. Daydream to Mr. Scary because the company I work for is destroying the forest. FML

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3144

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561

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By IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed - 20/12/2011 11:49 - Mauritius

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

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33709

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By as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - 5/4/2014 22:04 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

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45036

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By notaman - 11/2/2016 18:12 - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

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By boardman - 25/5/2009 02:17 - United States

Creeped out

Today, I found out my parents joined the mile-high club. While I was on the plane. FML

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69261

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By drugbaby - 18/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

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By jimmy_poison - 9/2/2015 00:19 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

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By crazyattracts - 31/7/2016 05:53 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

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47385

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By wobbles - 4/12/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

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12871

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 12:28 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 19:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

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By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - 6/12/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

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53662

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By Noname - 11/1/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

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7417

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 08:02

Lingo

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

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668

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By photoman - 14/7/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

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39672

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By irishbubble - 4/6/2013 12:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

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83954

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By not what she said - 1/6/2020 20:00

Misheard

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

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1545

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By FortuneFaded - 6/5/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

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52312

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 16:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

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72443

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 00:00

Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, all I wanted to do was treat him to dinner and be intimate with him. However today is also the 9th day of my period and the 5th day that I’m feeling constantly nauseous. My period should’ve ended 5 days ago...FML

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2427

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2016 21:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

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By Spelit - 13/8/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

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24871

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 22:38 - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

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By Anon. - 5/5/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

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15562

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2334

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By too young for this - 12/4/2013 05:11 - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

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68117

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By Typrokka - 22/10/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

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13106

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By angry - 23/12/2016 22:20 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

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By lulabell - 19/5/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

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16210

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By the2girls - 9/8/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

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55931

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By bouda - 15/5/2011 18:19 - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

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40965

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7435

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By ktinanic - 30/12/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

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27976

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3033

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 04:11 - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

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37564

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By Ugh - 2/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML

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Top comments

By WONDERWB | 2

#873488 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:22

I hate parents that say suck it up. My best friend in high school lost his kidney because he was told to suck it up. He sued his parents for neglect, won and took the out of state scholarship.

By thirdbase1733 | 0

#873553 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:38

that's uhm kinda creepy

COMMENTS

By PsychoMerk | 0

#873446 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:18

first?

PsychoMerk | 0

#873471 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:20

woah o.o this is what power feels like... sorry guys, just had a burst of excitement :)

iAlwaysYDI | 0

#873526 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:31

wow. . .ur life sucks :(

mattchap | 0

#873674 - Saturday 20 February 2010 0:15

I love the brave little toaster

isreal | 0

#874211 - Saturday 20 February 2010 3:08

u should have let her do it if it hurted u should have told her to stop dumd ass

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#874232 - Saturday 20 February 2010 3:19

Aw, poor you.

brandothemando | 0

#874491 - Saturday 20 February 2010 5:25

ironic,ur name is ialwaysYDI and you
said ur life sucks

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#874492 - Saturday 20 February 2010 5:26

That Sucks

Nailbunny | 4

#874673 - Saturday 20 February 2010 6:56

no protectant? that's what keeps it from damaging your skin and scalp.

By seabiscuit1276 | 0

#873448 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:18

hahahahahaha. she's reaaaaal smart.

iCanMakeYoBEDROC_fml | 0

#873697 - Saturday 20 February 2010 0:22

your mom sounds like a bitch.

By connercollis | 0

#873449 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:18

Why didn't you just leave?

elledubb | 0

#873605 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:51

aww cause it was op's place...

By connercollis | 0

#873455 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:19

hahaha

By protwtf | 0

#873457 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:19

Just jizz on it.

DukeSkidmark | 0

#873493 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:23

I heard that is good for the skin.

elledubb | 0

#873621 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:57

eeww you have heard wrong!

By saranottelling | 7

#873463 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:19

Your mom sounds lovely... Shave half of her hair off as she sleeps. She'll have to make the tough decision to go bald or to keep her one-sided hair. Good Luck.

lezzyluver | 0

#874367 - Saturday 20 February 2010 4:26

haha!

By Horney4her69 | 0

#873482 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:21

ouch

rogerdodger777 | 0

#873494 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:24

that's your mom's way of saying don't perm

By SuiGeneris01 | 2

#873487 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:22

snicker I see you're always on,
ydi for not punching your mom in the face

By WONDERWB | 2

#873488 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:22

I hate parents that say suck it up. My best friend in high school lost his kidney because he was told to suck it up. He sued his parents for neglect, won and took the out of state scholarship.

tereshay | 0

#873501 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:24

ooo I needa sue my parents too!

By PsychoMerk | 0

#873499 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:25

why? 0,0