Miscellaneous: Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really... - FML

By GeneralElement - United States

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

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This is us

Bad timing

Leave me alone

By Annie - United States

Waste

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

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By jojolovesyou134

Today, as I have been the past week, I've was sent to fix my coworker's fuck-ups in his new area, and help him out as I know it. I then needed help in his old area, and got told to suck it up and figure it out. I've been doing this a year, he's been doing it for 5 years FML

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By pardon my English :$ - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

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By joe - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

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By EunJung - United States

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

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By twiggygonegirl

Today, I updated my list of "quit smoking rewards" to include new clothes. New clothes to fit my new voluptuous body, because the question of how I used to stay thin has been answered. FML

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By BadatDIY - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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By TheDarth - United States - Bedford

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

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By Felix - Ireland

Today, my 1 month old kitten peed all over my kitchen floor. I wanted to get some water out of one of drawers and slipped on the piss. My phone shattered and i dislocated my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

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By rejected - United States

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

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By awkword - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

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By mikey - United States

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

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By tracelee - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

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By Ape - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

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By Webmonkey - United States

Today, I turned around in my cubicle to see the entire marketing department (myself excluded) getting ready to have lunch together. Nobody mentioned it to me. FML

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By momoffour - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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By Elizabeth - France

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

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By ehxtraordinarily pissed - United States - Coweta

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

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By betamaxjim - United Kingdom

Today, as I left class, I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted, "Let go!" I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML

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By thebigpeezy - United States

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

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By Bad Mommy - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

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By what sex life? - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

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By Scarred - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

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By Maddie110110 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

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By badbowel - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

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By brows - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

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By lalalasmiles06

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

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By lynn - Australia - Bongaree

Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML

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By whygod

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

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By Simon Cowell

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

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By IHaveTwoOwies

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

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By F- Forever

Today, out of spite, I wrote "Ms. Piggy" instead of my professor's actual name in the heading of my essay. Guess what I forgot to do before turning it in. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 08:01

No, you do it!

Today, despite being hearing impaired, I just spent an hour on the phone with Comcast setting up my mom's internet, because my sister who hears fine is "too busy." FML

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Top comments

By gr8sexpectations | 0

#872365 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:06

i hate how everyone on this site thinks that a cute girl or hot guy talks to them because their gonna get laid, only to find out that their life is fucked

By perdix | 29

#872519 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:53

The winning comeback: Well, maybe you'd like to draw a back on my penis?

COMMENTS

By gr8sexpectations | 0

#872365 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:06

i hate how everyone on this site thinks that a cute girl or hot guy talks to them because their gonna get laid, only to find out that their life is fucked

Reply

silentfog | 0

#872448 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:25

agreed

Reply

theian01 | 3

#872613 - Friday 19 February 2010 17:34

Well put yourself in their perspective. Your lonely, not good with the opposite sex, and need some love. Well I assume that since no one can really turn anything into a joke with the other person to try to start something...

Reply

ey3seecold | 0

#872675 - Friday 19 February 2010 17:53

u shoulda asked her if she ever had one behind her and maybe she woulda took ur number the wh0le 7 digits from behind!!

Reply

sam411411 | 0

#872859 - Friday 19 February 2010 19:15

Today, I was going to ask the guy I like for his number. I walked by him, and noticed there was a penis on his back. Nevermind to my question. FML

Reply

JustStopSucking | 0

#872934 - Friday 19 February 2010 19:59

maybe the guy who drew the penis will be "pumping you with excitement" later

Reply

FUDGELOVESME | 0

#873589 - Friday 19 February 2010 23:47

that's so true

Reply

ButtNekked | 0

#874660 - Saturday 20 February 2010 6:52

AHAHAHAHA 38

Reply

TrueWord | 0

#1317131 - Sunday 29 August 2010 14:16

lmao at #38.. win win win..

Reply

DRock525 | 0

#2560992 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 7:21

sex related advice coming from the dude with a lizard in his face????

By Marino01 | 0

#872412 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:14

well, all in a day.

By Domonator | 16

#872414 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:14

The OP said, "back", not, "shirt", so maybe it's a tatoo.

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#872599 - Friday 19 February 2010 17:28

how could someone have given him a tattoo without him knowing? besides the girl said "drew".

Reply

Domonator | 16

#872792 - Friday 19 February 2010 18:43

True, and I misspelled "tattoo" too :(

By GeneralElement | 0

#872418 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:15

Well, I was thinking that same thing. Just, I think I was sleeping in a class at one point. So that may be when they drew it. :|

By KurouTenshi | 0

#872462 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:30

this is like the time princess Zelds came up to me, and I thought I was gonna get laid, but then I had to go save Hyrule D:

Reply

ColdGold | 6

#872495 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:45

Just exactly.

Reply

doughedambrose | 0

#1984927 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 11:19

COOL POINTS

By demoon_fml | 7

#872474 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:35

lol. Good one.

By perdix | 29

#872519 - Friday 19 February 2010 16:53

The winning comeback: Well, maybe you'd like to draw a back on my penis?

Reply

iAlwaysYDI | 0

#872590 - Friday 19 February 2010 17:25

LMAO, good one XD !

Reply

Gaz717 | 0

#873990 - Saturday 20 February 2010 1:50

at this point I'm just scrolling through the comments on each FML to look for perdix's comment

By mfmylifesrsly | 29

#872649 - Friday 19 February 2010 17:44

is this OP?

By Solisa149448 | 0

#872739 - Friday 19 February 2010 18:17

What a nerd. How can you get sooo nervous around someone? Just chill out.

By padlarf | 14

#872753 - Friday 19 February 2010 18:25

No, their names just happen to be excactly the same.