All the FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 288

You deserved it 7 817

By TheDumper - 21/06/2012 10:02 - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 221

You deserved it 30 116

By Bad Mommy - 21/06/2012 05:40 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 351

You deserved it 9 440

By daddy'sgirl - 21/06/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 190

You deserved it 75 514

By thesmartone - 21/06/2012 03:44 - United States

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 036

You deserved it 4 839

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 258

You deserved it 4 104

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 23:08 - United States - New Kensington

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 501

You deserved it 3 419

Overreacting a tad

By phonnah - 20/06/2012 17:59 - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 3 235

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 784

You deserved it 3 799

By anonymous - 20/06/2012 14:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 152

You deserved it 6 619

By notanidiot - 20/06/2012 12:46 - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 992

You deserved it 3 677

By meeks123 - 20/06/2012 05:03 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 032

You deserved it 5 341

By jnr1234 - 20/06/2012 02:15 - United States - Princeton

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 650

You deserved it 2 480

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 20:59 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 709

You deserved it 3 248

By hc11bmd - 19/06/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 481

You deserved it 55 213

Time wasted

By theunborn - 19/06/2012 16:42 - France - Vic-fezensac

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 883

You deserved it 3 576

By Shelby - 19/06/2012 16:38 - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 17 315

Educational

By Joseph N - 19/06/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 998

You deserved it 5 133

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 10:51 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 2 755

By Stu - 19/06/2012 09:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 702

You deserved it 2 769

By ducklover1 - 19/06/2012 03:31 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I got to see a waterfall up close. Too bad it was in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 683

You deserved it 2 178

By wenchfucker - 18/06/2012 19:49 - France - ?pinal

Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I'm now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he's been given before. It's my job to make sure he's successful, and if he isn't, I'll lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 331

You deserved it 2 178

By nerdsgetmehot - 18/06/2012 16:05 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 265

You deserved it 2 286

nerdsgetmehot tells us more.

nerdsgetmehot 22

Tuesday 19 June 2012 18:24

So...A little back story. I went to the doctor to get tests because I often feel faint and dizzy in the mornings and it's quite an inconvenience. Just last week, when I took my cat to the vet, I ended up starting to black out randomly. Pretty embarrassing and obviously super inconvenient, as I had to drive home afterwards and was doubtful about whether or not I was okay enough to drive home. I get to the verge of fainting often enough to concern me. I've gotten a few tests over the years, but my doctor remains largely unconcerned about it. She thinks it's just my very low blood pressure, but I do everything I can to help that. I drink lots of water, eat salty snacks, and never get up too quickly-- but it doesn't help. So, ironically, I ended up fainting at a doctors' appointment to look into why I keep almost fainting. To answer some frequently asked questions: No, the nurse wasn't "impressed." I'm a female. Also, I think me lying on the floor immobile kind of killed the mood.

By Myriam - 18/06/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 885

You deserved it 3 416