Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

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There's no helping some people

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By yourewelcome - United States - Gainesville

Today, I thought I was doing a nice thing when I spent hundreds of dollars to get my friend a plane ticket home. She yelled at me when I gave it to her. Turns out, she planned on spending a few more months freeloading off me. FML

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By bald baby

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

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By Wade - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

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By Eric Rivera - 29/1/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

I've just got one of those faces

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bell

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

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By Sariitaa_fml

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

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By Jack - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

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By Sticky floor

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

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By thisbethed - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Akron

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

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By shway - United States

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

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By no compassion - United States - Aurora

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

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By MicachuPikachu - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like the customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came from my own pocket. FML

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By Hm - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

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By Not a programmer yet - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

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By Magicali - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

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By Robert - United States

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

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By Anonymous

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

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By imnotacat - United States

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

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By twat - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

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By cold-n-stinky - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

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By James - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

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By Broke - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

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By starstruck - France

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

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By gvmfvr - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

You did ask…

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

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By mustanggt - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

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Top comments

By gusgus36 | 5

#2055374 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:15

well, I hope you said, "I'm so sorry! I thought you were my friend and I was kidding around. I washy really saying you were ugly!"

also, YDI for yelling something like that when you couldn't have been 100% sure it was your friend.

By CrystalAngel | 0

#2055353 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:09

She most really think you're an Idiot! O:
But well.. You should have checked out if it really was your friend. It's your own fault d;

COMMENTS

By mattdood | 0

#2055342 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:05

hahaha be more careful

Reply

therealdavid | 0

#2055599 - Monday 7 February 2011 18:09

For a second it had 1337 ydi. rpic

By ridder215 | 7

#2055344 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:06

Poor senile cat

Reply

Penguinman909 | 7

#2055347 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:07

wrong FML?

By CrystalAngel | 0

#2055353 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:09

She most really think you're an Idiot! O:
But well.. You should have checked out if it really was your friend. It's your own fault d;

By ALBATROSS9080 | 0

#2055355 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:09

I did that once but I yelled out "hey faggots", super awkward

By bigantennaemay | 3

#2055361 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:10

that is.... awesome! ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Reply

anorexicbarbie | 8

#2055474 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:59

Hahahaha...shut up.

By ilovesexywomen | 0

#2055363 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:10

hahaha I've done that before

By anettes | 7

#2055372 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:14

I'm laughing so hard right now.

By gusgus36 | 5

#2055374 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:15

well, I hope you said, "I'm so sorry! I thought you were my friend and I was kidding around. I washy really saying you were ugly!"

also, YDI for yelling something like that when you couldn't have been 100% sure it was your friend.

Reply

gusgus36 | 5

#2055396 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:21

*wasn't

ugh autocorrect

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InstantRanbowMix | 0

#4185172 - Monday 19 March 2012 5:45

I wonder why 'wasn't' was auto corrected to 'washy' i understand how it could have been a typo but when does anyone ever use the word washy?

By florenzfang | 0

#2055376 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:15

hahaha what did she react ?

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ConfusionsLoveMe | 0

#2055977 - Monday 7 February 2011 21:59

*How did she react.

Reply

Aerious | 0

#2056793 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 2:37

?*

Reply

Yeah_Thats_Me | 0

#2057589 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:58

I'm sorry Florenz but everytime i see your pic I think you are blowing a dude.

Reply

JimmySlax | 0

#2058248 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:36

lmfao.

By Phil135 | 4

#2055378 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:15

Haha those goddamned doppelgängers lol! xD