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The all-time greatest FMLs

By SApprentice - 04/12/2012 07:10 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 000

You deserved it 2 023

SApprentice tells us more.

SApprentice 34

Tuesday 4 December 2012 22:57

My co-worker is one of nicest people I know, he just kind of cringed and grunted, instantly beginning to tell me that it was okay. He knows I've been having trouble with that arm, so he doesn't hold it against me. I did give an apology several times though. The customers, on the other hand, were all fairly immature college kids. It was their laughter that really embarrassed me.

Thanks, I feel better!

By anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 000

You deserved it 3 049

By nycol - 17/02/2012 14:13 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 999

You deserved it 5 367

Best gift ever

By Reihna - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Marion

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son could call me from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 998

You deserved it 4 280

Smooth

By firstdategonebad - 12/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 998

You deserved it 2 597

Get me out

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 9 366

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 18:11 - United States

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 995

You deserved it 2 440

By Owen - 07/11/2012 18:39 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 994

You deserved it 4 785

By danny5191 - 17/03/2012 02:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 993

You deserved it 8 717

By omgboobs - 23/12/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 992

You deserved it 2 787

By OfficeSlave - 25/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 992

You deserved it 3 439

By rattness - 07/12/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 991

You deserved it 2 877

By tdudey123 - 11/09/2012 23:07 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 991

You deserved it 2 135

tdudey123 tells us more.

tdudey123 14

Wednesday 12 September 2012 16:12

I'm just gonna comment for the badge :P And yes, she was moving around, due to the bus rattling around (I hope).

By Ihaveaheadache - 09/02/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 991

You deserved it 2 180

By TheLemonMan - 15/10/2015 18:04 - United States - Lincolnshire

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 990

You deserved it 2 216

TheLemonMan tells us more.

TheLemonMan 24

Friday 20 November 2015 17:06

After posting this, I followed your suggestions and took it to the school. It turns out, it was two of my 'friends' who got a hold of my school pic, enlarged it, and made posters to put around. After some investigation, the school found them. You were right, the school was angry that they put my picture on display on school property without my permission. They got suspended for a week. Thank you guys for all your support and suggestions!

Thanks for the memories

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my mom lit a candle in our living room, telling the family how much she loved it. She then went on the tell us that my dad got it for her and it must have been some cheap candle. I bought the candle as a gift for her on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 990

You deserved it 3 138

By grossedout - 08/11/2009 21:11 - Canada

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 988

You deserved it 3 939

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 987

You deserved it 4 253

By hiitisbrooke - 23/11/2015 20:17 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 986

You deserved it 4 756

By Potted - 16/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Denton

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 986

You deserved it 3 914

Good start

By atsukobo - 23/02/2012 07:59 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 986

You deserved it 3 909

Song sung blue

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 3 729

Hi, how are you?

By kaz89 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 982

You deserved it 8 446

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I had to move back in with my dad and brother. After getting settled, I had to shower. I got everything ready and when I got in, it smelled strongly of pee. The stink was so intense I could barely breathe. Cleaning doesn't even help. I'm stuck here for at least a month. I hate living with men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 4 992

Dee628 tells us more.

Dee628 0

Tuesday 2 November 2010 19:41

I had to move back in until I can move into my building for school on the east coast. I've tried cleaning with bathroom cleaner and bleach, but the smell keeps coming back. Neither of them will admit to it and I never pee in the shower, EW. =P Obviously not all men are slobs, I just wish I didn't live with two of them. I lived with one of my guy friend's last year and had the same problem. I was the only one that actually cleaned. ~_~ (I'm the OP, I never thought I'd make it onto FML, so I was surprised to see this! lol)

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 8 218