Miscellaneous: Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of... - FML

By leaf hater - 17/11/2011 12:43 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 899

You deserved it 2 359

Broken heart

You tried

Kids are gross

By hoho5191 - 20/07/2009 16:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 025

You deserved it 69 219

Monday morning

By Exil - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 106

You deserved it 2 014

Pace yourself

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 11:01

Today, for my 18th birthday, I went out to a club with my mate and I drank so much I ended up breaking my nose. I was there for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 1 016

By Sack - 10/11/2011 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 6 059

By givingup - 30/01/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 810

You deserved it 63 043

By backtosquareone - 04/10/2011 05:22 - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 798

You deserved it 44 015

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 16:18

Spicy

Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 882

You deserved it 479

By brhorton02 - 06/04/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 438

You deserved it 166 354

By anonymous - 17/09/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I had leg surgery. While I was recovering in the hospital, my boyfriend dumped me. I then had to ride home, a 2 hour drive, listening to my mother and aunt tell me he was the best thing to happen to me and I will never find a better man. Then the morphine wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 610

You deserved it 2 723

Taking the piss

By allie - 31/05/2021 22:01

Today, my mom forced me to take a drug test while she watched. I couldn’t do it due to nerves, so she grounded me because, "there's no way I would be nervous unless I was doing drugs." Nope, just a shy bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 88

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 24/04/2017 22:00

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 718

You deserved it 223

Going pro

By DDboy - 13/10/2019 22:00

Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 127

By too bad so sad - 15/02/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "maybe he left you for someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 547

You deserved it 2 450

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 10:57 - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 215

You deserved it 4 736

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 54

By heshay - 28/10/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 662

You deserved it 3 526

By getmeoutofthiscountry - 19/07/2013 19:06 - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 050

You deserved it 4 072

By embaressed - 20/09/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 383

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 730

You deserved it 4 211

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 508

You deserved it 2 932

By me - 21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 24 088

By Username - 22/11/2010 22:39

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 347

You deserved it 4 353

By u wot? - 14/02/2015 12:14 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 347

You deserved it 2 313

By whyme_ss - 23/02/2010 22:10 - United States

Today, I got into my boyfriends car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 076

You deserved it 45 181

By Anonymous - 11/10/2017 13:00

Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 909

You deserved it 416

We can tell

By Mkimmi - 12/02/2015 07:39 - United States - State College

Spicy

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 213

You deserved it 3 696

By wispywee - 29/06/2011 17:47 - Canada

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 025

You deserved it 18 324

By fuck you, jack - 04/03/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 150

You deserved it 3 282

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 720

You deserved it 3 030

Scammed

By Beuhilda - 19/05/2021 20:01

Today, I sold a dresser on OfferUp. When I arrive at the customer’s house to deliver it and discussed the payment, she got upset and called me a selfish, greedy bitch because she’s a "single mom on food stamps." She berated me to the point of tears. I left without getting my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 593

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 093

You deserved it 7 997

By Anonymous - 25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 991

You deserved it 4 207

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 18:24 - United States - Mission

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 641

You deserved it 5 178

Bad encounter

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 05:00

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 317

Malfunctioning equipment

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 24/09/2020 01:02 - United States - Ellsworth

Today, at work, my front-close bra popped open like an anime character, right in front of the two male coworkers I was talking to. My boobs flung around and I had to pretend nothing happened while subtly crossing my arms and waiting for them to leave so I could fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 07/04/2013 04:07 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 163

You deserved it 3 273

By BuspassBob - 10/09/2012 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 999

You deserved it 6 607

Call The Police!

By ChangingTheLocks - 13/07/2019 12:30

Today, I came home after a long day at work to find the furniture in my living room had been rearranged by my mother-in-law. When asked how she got in, she told us she stole my husband's key and made herself a copy. She can now come here whenever she wants, unless I change the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 124

What do y'all want?

By ladymichee - 07/07/2021 14:01

Today, police barged into my apartment for a drug raid, but they had the wrong address. They came in while I was naked on my couch and didn't even apologize for breaking my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 61

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:05

Leaf wars!

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:36

This a tough one. You state he is your elderly neighbor, so that procludes you from going next door, dragging him into your yard and cramming the leaves back up his ass. So my suggestion is to rake all the leaves up, bag them and get rid of them, then go inside and bake a dozen or so chocolate chip cookies using chocolate Ex-Lax in place of the chips. Deliver them to your neighbor, sweetly saying, "Pleae try not to blow all your leaves into my yard again and to show there are no hard feelings, here are some fresh baked cookies." Then go home, crack a beer and sit back smiling to yourslef knowing that revenge is sweet and in this case pretty damm messy!

Comments

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:05

Leaf wars!

iam_yummylicious 12

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:08

The OP should put them back into their neighbor's yard and light fire to them :D!

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:30

Leaves = fertilizer. Don't pick them up, yse them to nourish your lawn! Or replace the inside of your neighor's matress with them.

ColdplaySucks 18

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:38

Buy a fence so you isolate yourself from Idiot neighbors.

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:38

Leaf Wars sounds like a show about competition amongst marijuana dealers.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 17:09

But would it be as terrible as Whale Wars? I saw that once, made me take up watching Barney again.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 17:22

36- better to just not say anything.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 17:54

I was thinking homicide.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 18:25

Take a 'leaf' our of his book and blast em back! See what I did there?

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Thursday 17 November 2011 19:12

Yess! I do that to my neighbors all the time. That's the exact reason leaf blowers were invented for. True story.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 19:17

Wait he used his snow blower??? this guy might be a genius or very very special, I'm not sure which

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Thursday 17 November 2011 20:44

23 the neighbor used a snowblower for that reason, the op had a fence

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Thursday 17 November 2011 22:41

And so the it does, time to get the rakes outs.....

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Friday 18 November 2011 9:50

This reminds me of an episode of spongebob 0.o lmao,

WhiteDream_fml 0

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Monday 21 November 2011 14:04

OP, next time rake the leaves into a bag, or ask your neighbor to not blow the leaves into your yard. It'd make life 10x easier.

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Thursday 2 August 2012 23:24

He used a snowblower for leaves? Shouldn't he use a LEAFblower lol?

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:06

Blow them all back! Or make one big leaf pile!

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Thursday 17 November 2011 17:37

Rake all the leaves back to his yard, then hose them down..

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Friday 18 November 2011 3:02

Lol that's even better

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Sunday 22 July 2012 13:11

Just burn a cross on his yard. Thats wat i did when my neighbors annoyed me... We dont talk much anymore :( they were nice i think ill go visit them.

Rainbow_dumpster 27

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:06

LEAF PILE!! =D

hamncheeseinit 6

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Thursday 17 November 2011 18:06

You should go to his place and raise hell

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:08

Just because he's old doesn't mean he gets out of a quick "strike of the sleeping cobra" to the neck area, followed by a slightly arousing uppercut to the nads. Depending on your anger level, maybe a beef stew to the facial region.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 17:27

So funny lol

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Thursday 17 November 2011 18:53

Why don't any of your comments ever make sense?

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Thursday 17 November 2011 19:05

To be honest, I just like to see the reactions I get. Plus I'm barely ever serious so it works well.

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Thursday 17 November 2011 21:24

How, how are you so socially inept?

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Thursday 17 November 2011 21:33

I would like to point out that you're the one insulting me over the interwebz. You don't know my social life, I'm just trying to have fun.

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Friday 18 November 2011 6:48

Wtf is a slightly arousing uppercut? That doesn't make sense.

fo_86 0

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:09

Sounds like he needs a kick in the nuts

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:09

Switch houses!

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:10

Neighbor leaf wars. Sounds like an interesting new drama series.

KittyCatsDance 3

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:43

Also sounds like something that would be on tv already.. I mean cmon what's not on tv these days?

mikeymayhem_87 15

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:55

Check your channel listings. It probably already is a show lol

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Friday 18 November 2011 7:26

Probably last for like a week...

BlazinBirdman 3

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:11

ask for his snow blower then do it to him

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Thursday 17 November 2011 17:55

i think i'd do that.. :D

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:11

Just remember, when you get old, you'll be able to get away with the same kind of stuff.

sandinthewaves 5

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Thursday 17 November 2011 16:11

Sounds like war to me

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 682

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 805