Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when...

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 837

You deserved it 8 138

Intimacy

Taking stock

Gimme dah maaahney

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 447

You deserved it 4 179

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 995

You deserved it 3 922

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 2 919

By Username - 27/05/2011 02:39

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 023

You deserved it 4 426

Kids, it doesn't get any better

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 03:02

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 98

By TCRII - 28/03/2018 01:30

Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 873

You deserved it 738

By dank meme - 11/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 316

You deserved it 3 888

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Steele

Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 222

By Ohshucks! - 20/07/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 15 506

By Anonymous - 30/09/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 940

You deserved it 28 294

By Sonotsuave - 17/05/2019 01:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 119

By muddled - 02/05/2012 06:16 - United States - Joliet

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 820

You deserved it 5 111

Lovely parents

By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 171

By loveless - 24/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 120

You deserved it 33 356

Mean meanie

By yeah uh huh - 15/06/2021 21:00 - United States

Today, my stepmother, an uncontrolled diabetic who refuses to change her abhorrent eating habits, berated me for how "mean" I am for limiting my kids’ junk food, and making them eat a portion of vegetables with every meal. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 56

Somebody's watching me

By ugh - 08/06/2012 04:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 255

You deserved it 9 175

By superb12345 - 12/05/2016 02:50 - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 341

You deserved it 911

By fuglymug - 08/01/2016 21:48 - United States - Appleton

Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 384

You deserved it 2 336

By nothanks - 01/05/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 817

You deserved it 5 460

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 17:02 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 082

You deserved it 1 712

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 21:41 - United States - Romulus

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 451

You deserved it 3 573

By jentea - 05/09/2010 02:22 - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 328

You deserved it 34 799

By FenRackety - 10/05/2013 12:37 - Canada

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 646

You deserved it 5 754

By Helmet - 20/10/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 041

You deserved it 8 966

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 750

You deserved it 51 620

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/05/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 239

You deserved it 5 616

By bbb - 11/01/2017 07:36

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 754

You deserved it 858

By socially awkward - 10/03/2012 06:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 198

You deserved it 8 877

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 5 492

By clairebear104 - 19/09/2014 03:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 4 080

By Traffickills - 22/04/2016 00:30 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend, we were stuck behind a 7-car accident for 2 hours in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 394

You deserved it 4 989

By smellyhair - 02/11/2014 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 035

You deserved it 3 828

By Authentik8 - 16/09/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 823

You deserved it 2 217

Rise and shine

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 824

You deserved it 7 013

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 327

You deserved it 2 719

By anon - 07/02/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, when I went over a bump, I was assaulted by a badly-fitted bicycle seat. I've been walking like John Wayne all afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 037

You deserved it 765

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 609

By sophistication - 21/08/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 095

You deserved it 3 216

By Aintnosunshine - 31/12/2008 03:48 - France

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 229

You deserved it 2 433

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Top comments

Zufallian 34

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:10

I'm more curious as to why your boyfriend was putting baby powder on your ass.

HarshD9619 34

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:09

And you were letting him because?

HarshD9619 34

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:09

And you were letting him because?

EvilLittleGirl 24

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:31

kinky role play? that's my guess xD (daddy role play is actually pretty common in the bdsm society). My other guess is, because she had a burn there? But if that's the case why would her bf do it instead of her.

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:31

Jamaican ritual before sex. Powder that ass!

coried91 28

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Sunday 6 September 2015 19:30

Maybe she had some serious shits and her ass hurt... Baby powder calms the pain on your ass after a day of crapping. That or I'm going with what other have said and will assume it was used for role play.

Tyrez 32

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Sunday 6 September 2015 20:07

maybe her butt hole was just infected

DoomSkuller 28

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Sunday 6 September 2015 23:33

Or she just had a rash?

grant_3rict 8

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Monday 7 September 2015 4:34

From all that anal plundering goin' on....

Mightytall 35

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Monday 7 September 2015 8:06

Or maybe they wanted to see if she can make a puff of dust when she farts ...

Silver7827 14

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:09

As far as he would like to know, nothing did happen

lchollett 22

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:09

Methinks it might be a good idea for the door to be closed and locked next time. Either way, that's just bad luck. FYL, OP.

StickyPickles 33

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:09

This is why you lock the door.

iHappyFeet 11

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:09

Lock the door next time

Zufallian 34

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:10

I'm more curious as to why your boyfriend was putting baby powder on your ass.

I_Like_Dogs 28

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:28

Perhaps they were trying to make a baby?

joshi42 16

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:31

Because he forgot to put enough lube on it the night before.

vikky538 28

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Sunday 6 September 2015 19:11

Out of a powder??

alkoy 4

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Sunday 6 September 2015 20:44

Duh, why do you think it's called baby-powder?

ExtremeEncounter 32

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Sunday 6 September 2015 21:37

To see what it would look like when she farts.

kaybows 14

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Sunday 6 September 2015 22:53

It could've just been that she went on a run and wore the wrong kind of underwear.

branSH 6

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Monday 7 September 2015 23:35

Because I like her bubble butt

DemonBoy1988 22

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 9:40

So he could get a better grip

Thundernutz 15

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Monday 6 November 2017 7:13

Rofl you have no imagination or naughty mind

TheNoobySpartan 13

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:11

surprised this got published. would you like your boy-fried or grilled?

kelseythompson 27

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Sunday 6 September 2015 18:12

don't know why this got buried its actually pretty funny ha!

Econforthwin 15

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:11

I'm honestly thinking that's how I would handle it too. I mean what's he gonna do lebron you?

sammysquiggs 19

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:13

Is there a good reason as to why he was putting baby powder on your ass?

KappaHD 9

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:16

Maybe your dad doesn't care OP?

LuckBeNimble 19

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Sunday 6 September 2015 17:38

not her dad, her BFs dad.

LunaBlack666 23

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Sunday 6 September 2015 20:57

#20 your profile picture fits your reply xD

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 14

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 164

Kids, it doesn't get any better

Hot hot hot

Lovely parents

Mean meanie

Somebody's watching me

Burn

Rise and shine

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