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Make it stop

By prismatic - 30/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Denver

Today, at the age of 14, my neck, back, and feet take turns setting themselves on fire if I stand up for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 101

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 22:31 - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 62

A pin drop

By Kerry - 03/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Reply All" email from a colleague, in which they vented their frustration with our boss. Unbeknownst to them, our boss was included in the distribution list. Our whole open plan office became a silent comedy of awkward glances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 123

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 329

Team none of them

By twihard - 11/09/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I lost a bet with friends and now have to sit and watch all the Twilight movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 939

Check this out

By Anonymous - 15/04/2022 12:00

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 046

Just put it on, dude

By BING BING BING - 07/07/2025 09:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I started a road trip with friends. The friend who is driving doesn't wear seat belts. BING BING BING. 400 miles to go. BING BING BING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 111

Conflict Resolution

By FML Approved - 06/10/2017 03:00

This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 113

Amazing idea, idiot

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 93

The middleman

By matt - 30/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized that every girl who has approached me or I approached me since high school always ended up trying to get close to me to get close to any one of my friends. Every time I think we’re hitting it off, they ask. When I refuse to set them up, they get angry, and tell others I'm a creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 118

Jealousy

By Thought you would be happy for me, "bestie" - 13/12/2025 00:00

Today, I proudly showed off my new body, after losing 80 pounds. My life-long best friend immediately uninvited me to her upcoming wedding, and won't explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 48

Furry feral friend

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 84

Unrequited

By GianniJonas - 18/06/2021 10:56

Today, after spending $300 on a plane ticket, roses, chocolate-coated strawberries to surprise the girl I’m in love with, she still won’t see me as more than a friend, due to her trust issues from her past relationships. She thinks I’ll hurt her like they did and "ruin the friendship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 144

You're welcome!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a homeless woman and a young man wrapped in a blanket so I went to give them a fiver. Turns out the woman was just helping calm her autistic son by wrapping him up, and not homeless at all. She kicked me in the balls and took the money anyway while I was on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 161

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 829

Admit it

By lordoftheweird - 04/11/2023 00:02 - Canada

Today, I went to a drive through with my housemate. She got our order wrong and angrily yelled at the teenager who handed us our food, making her cry. My housemate can't fully speak English because of a learning disability, and she refuses to admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 109

By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 31

Lovely Rita

By Greg - 29/08/2020 05:01

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 3 676

By anonymous - 18/06/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 31

Leave me alone!

By Can I have some sleep? - 14/11/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I texted my mom and had to explain to her that calling me repeatedly at 2 a.m. because you're bored and want to talk is not really a good idea. Seriously, nothing happened, she just wanted to chat because she had nothing else to do. Her response to my message? She started calling me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 98

Close-knit family unit

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Redcar

Today, I woke up to my sister with her hand wrapped gently around my balls, saying, “Don’t lie or I’ll squeeze.” She wanted to know if I’d eaten her strawberries. I said no. She'd looked my bin and saw the empty packet. She looked back at me and squeezed. The pain made me late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 3 320

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 03:00

Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 170

This isn't fine

By ana - 09/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I hope to tell my roommate that I want to leave and never look back, because I'm done with the bird and the dogs and the hair and shit everywhere. I can't anymore. My brain is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 97

Crazy for you

By Anonymous - 07/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I realized that having someone crazy about you is no fun when they’re actually crazy. My girlfriend tried to physically fight the barista at Starbucks for offering us a wrong made drink for free. She thought the girl was flirting with me and tried to jump the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 106

Murphy's Law

By Anonymous - 19/11/2023 06:30 - Germany

Today, I've had a shitty day and everything at work went tits up. I thought it'd get better when I get home but no, I smashed my fingers with my car door and now it hurts like hell, and my shitty day had just got even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136

By winneuse - 05/06/2015 02:30 - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 52

Thoughts?

By Anonymous - 19/05/2024 00:00 - France - Paris

Today, my boyfriend doesn’t like to go out, like at all. I went on a cruise earlier this year and met this guy from my school; we danced together, we talked all night long, and it was amazing. It's been nine months since, and I still haven’t got over it. I'm now questioning my entire 3-year relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 357

By Raspunzel - 07/02/2013 00:37 - Cameroon

Today, I’m supervising an exam. I spot a girl going to the bathroom with a paper in her pocket. Stopping her just in time, I waved the paper about. It was a sanitary towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 368

Not for everyone

By Ugh - 07/04/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my girlfriend wanted to role-play non-consensual sex. I was already uncomfortable with the idea, and when she started begging, "No, no" as I stripped her, I dropped the role-play and walked out. Now she's pissed at me. I'm sorry, but this is fucking creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 191

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The Top

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 294

You deserved it 5 089

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 280

You deserved it 5 600

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 854

You deserved it 13 121

Today, if I try to hurry my wife out of the house before she's ready, she yells at me and we end up not going out, and yet if I leave her to get ready for as long as she needs we are ALWAYS late for our reservation, so we lose the table and she yells at me for not telling her how late we are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 198

Today, I'm an adjudicator for our school's debate team, collectively I have over 20 years experience both as a debater and as an adjudicator, and yet I have no idea how my daughter manages to convince me she deserves an extra dessert and to stay up an hour past bedtime every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 007

Today, I finally left New York and moved back to my little hometown, only for the job I had lined up to fall through. Now I'm unemployed, can't find anything, and my parents aren't willing to help because they're angry that I "walked out on the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 98