The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Classic breeder moment

By Karen - 16/12/2024 10:00 - United States - Solon

Today, after losing five pounds from being sick, my first customer at work greeted me with, “Aaaahhhh, you’re expecting!” I’m not pregnant. I guess I didn’t lose my gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 132

Call CPS

By Help please - 31/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I caught my son "experimenting" with his female friend. When I called her mom and told her what was happening, she said, "I didn't raise a whore. You can keep her!" and hung up. They're both 9. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 140

You seem delighted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 147

Hissy fit

By Anonymous - 13/10/2025 12:00

Today, I was watching our regular show on Netflix with my boyfriend. I made a remark about one of the male leads having nice abs. My boyfriend is so pathetically insecure that he threw a fit and is refusing to finish the show since he claims I find the actor more attractive than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 157

I'm listening

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 08:00

Today, and for the last week of job training, I’ve listened to my new boss go on about how we care about our customers and want to engage with our community, even though at the end of every workday I watch him empty the complaints boxes straight into recycling, without reading a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 79

This is your brain under capitalism

By dean - 22/04/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm an ectomorph who struggles to gain, let alone maintain weight. Our politicians made food so much more expensive in the last three years, I can no longer afford a consistent amount of protein and to fill my fridge with vegetables. I can barely afford to make balanced meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 162

Just beat it

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 02:00 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, my boss tried to knock down a tower of empty boxes next to me while yelling, "Beat it, nerd!" A box hit my face and knocked my glasses off. I got bullied by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 81

Hangover from hell

By Damnyouspellcheck - 13/08/2022 18:00

Today, I sent a text to a girl I met last night. Since we'd both had a few drinks, I texted, “U alive?” It wasn’t until later I found it it had autocorrected to “U alone?” when she texted back that she was “creeped out” and “no longer felt safe around me,” and promptly blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 722

By Heather - 31/05/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 87

Not FDA approved

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I have to fill in a (now former) co-worker's shifts for the next few weeks. She took two of those shady energy pills and downed them with root beer during her shift, causing her to pass out, and landing her in the hospital. Why do we sell these things, and why haven't they been outlawed? FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 103

OCD FML

By ObsessivelyObsessed - 10/05/2024 11:00 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I have finally accepted that OCD has won after almost 17 years. It’s taken every bit of enjoyment I have out of life from me, from work, to relationships, even to TV shows and food! Every time I try to reclaim something, it doesn’t last long before my brain wins and ruins it with negative associations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 115

Routine

By RIP - 24/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 162

Classic mistake

By 暂不提供 - 02/08/2025 21:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 104

Thanks, Bill

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I was busy writing my English final paper and all of a sudden my computer just chose to freeze. I thought Microsoft Word would save it, but alas, 4 pages down the dumpster. Plus my earphones stopped working and I can't afford to buy a new pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 194

Never enough

By Unappreciated - 15/09/2025 12:00

Today, I spent the day busting my butt to clean the house. As I tumbled into bed at the end of the day, exhausted, my wife looked at me and said, "Maybe you can get something done tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 102

Moving Walkway Fail

By FML Approved - 17/10/2017 22:00 - United States - New York

Follow your dreams, kids!

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 102

Say it, don't spray it

By Yak - 09/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I heard my coworker sneeze on the other side of the break room, and right after I felt something wet hit my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 52

A+ for effort…

By I tried - 03/10/2025 22:00

Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 105

Overcome

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to dress up as the school mascot for a big game. The costume was incredibly hot, and I ended up fainting on the field. When I came to, I was surrounded by worried kids and my head was in the lap of the opposing team's mascot, who was trying to give me CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 100

Fitness for duty

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I fucked up by jacking off. I have trouble getting "in the mood" due to medication and other things, so when I do I'm excited to enjoy myself, though it often takes a while and a lot of physical effort to get there. However, in the process of getting off today, I threw out my back and my hip. I'm only 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 170

Regrets, I've had a few…

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 00:02

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me two months after our wedding (and two days before my birthday). The worst part is that he's my high school sweetheart and we've been together for 8 years. I should've known not to marry him, considering he cheated on me with his friend's mom. Now I miss a guy I never dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 1 155

Tennis

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, I got home from school after having been in a fight. I looked to my father and asked him for advice; he said, "Go see your mother." I go to see my mother, and she says, "Go see your father." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 97

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 117

Perfect timing

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, at 36 years-old, I will be leaving to go on my first ever vacation. Aunt Flo held off until yesterday so she could come with me, and she's BAD this month. We were planning on going to the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 123

What's the ******* truth?

By Tourettes? - 19/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I found out three things: One, I was apparently diagnosed with Tourette's as a child. Two, my parents apparently told everyone about it, and had no idea that I didn't know about this. Three, that the diagnosis is possibly incorrect. I'm in for quite the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 83

Rollercoaster ride of emotions

By He's ok, nobody died, all is good - 20/05/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I went to my dad's workplace because my sister was there and I wanted to see my newborn niece. I was overjoyed until my dad came up to me. It had apparently been pretty hectic for the past week, because he was on the verge of another stress-induced heart attack. Yes, another. We had to help him outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 88

Just say no

By Dan - 20/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 1 449

Pay attention

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 03:00

Today, my girlfriend is actually mad at me for not noticing she was two months pregnant. Since we met she’s always had a bit of a belly, and her default clothing is always a big hoodie or dressing gown, she even wears jumpers to bed, so how was I supposed to spot that tiny bit of weight gain? FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 95

Smells like defeat

By Sad girl - 23/12/2024 20:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went to a party and met a guy who was super charming. We hit it off, and he seemed really into me. After talking for a while, he leaned in for a kiss, and I thought, "This is it!" But instead of a kiss, he just sniffed my hair, then said, "Wow, you smell just like my mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 109

Weekend vibes

By Jakolator - 06/09/2025 12:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my wife had a shit fit because my son said I hadn't fed him. I'd asked him four times what he wanted for breakfast, and every time he said, "I'm not hungry right now." Great start to the fucking weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 105

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The Top

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 574

You deserved it 9 108

Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 245

Today, I was heading out for lunch, and a co-worker asked me if I would pick up their pizza. I said yes, because, why not? Just as I arrived, they texted to inform me that the pizza was under the name "Anita Luong Duong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 300

You deserved it 775

Today, my ex referred to missing my last two weekends with my daughter as an example of my typical unreliable parenting. I was in hospital after a drug addict stabbed me in the intestines with a broken glass bong, used to smoke god only knows what, but sure, it’s typical me behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 181

Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 255

Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 3 044