By FML Approved Budget Spa Who else is ready to take a personal day with this dog? 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sloppy Cashmere - United States - Bemidji Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML I agree, your life sucks 11790 You deserved it 1402 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Dumpy baby Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 1350 You deserved it 138 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crossfitter Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML I agree, your life sucks 25193 You deserved it 11448 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 14680 You deserved it 1136 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 08:01 Miss me yet? Today, after I kicked my boyfriend out, thinking the sudden separation would make him value our relationship more, I heard he's spent the last 3 weeks at his brother's constantly playing Xbox, hasn’t called me once, and now I’m hearing rumours he’s been taking other women home from sleazy bars. FML I agree, your life sucks 585 You deserved it 2601 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ugly - United States - Jerseyville Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML I agree, your life sucks 44053 You deserved it 3480 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 08:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak Holiday cheer Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML I agree, your life sucks 854 You deserved it 108 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By callen5 - United States Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML I agree, your life sucks 23854 You deserved it 4172 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1280 You deserved it 397 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stewtato Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML I agree, your life sucks 1323 You deserved it 454 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous But he's only 5 Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML I agree, your life sucks 1656 You deserved it 672 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lovely321 - United States Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML I agree, your life sucks 18661 You deserved it 49919 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ido - United States - Satellite Beach Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML I agree, your life sucks 12201 You deserved it 3082 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mandybar15 - United States - Norman Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML I agree, your life sucks 38097 You deserved it 6645 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yummy - United States Terminology Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML I agree, your life sucks 19506 You deserved it 83984 450 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mrs. Awkward Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML I agree, your life sucks 2550 You deserved it 268 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML I agree, your life sucks 1774 You deserved it 141 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML I agree, your life sucks 36329 You deserved it 6078 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AreYouSerious - United States Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 69655 You deserved it 3637 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By English - Australia Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to the movies. She replies, "Sorry I have to do stuff with my parents" Her mum calls and by mistake my girlfriend pressed loud speaker, the first thing her mum said was "Be back at 11". FML I agree, your life sucks 34028 You deserved it 2514 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/5/2020 02:00 Getting the point across Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1576 You deserved it 112 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HR nightmare - United States - Glendale Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML I agree, your life sucks 11041 You deserved it 726 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 13/4/2020 02:00 Keep fit! Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML I agree, your life sucks 1216 You deserved it 1304 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML I agree, your life sucks 44852 You deserved it 4185 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML I agree, your life sucks 23592 You deserved it 2188 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RhuLynette - United Kingdom Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML I agree, your life sucks 26579 You deserved it 2974 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckstudentloans - United States - Los Angeles Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML I agree, your life sucks 29226 You deserved it 13810 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Latvia - Riga Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML I agree, your life sucks 41594 You deserved it 2679 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Someone - Canada - Windsor Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 38952 You deserved it 5789 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By baron - United States Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 131316 You deserved it 7540 288 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By firedofbirthday - France Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML I agree, your life sucks 26139 You deserved it 6895 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sarah91 Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML I agree, your life sucks 115277 You deserved it 16551 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples deaths. FML I agree, your life sucks 1630 You deserved it 905 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why - United States Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML I agree, your life sucks 31629 You deserved it 6575 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML I agree, your life sucks 30010 You deserved it 11281 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Guilpie - Germany - Heidelberg Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML I agree, your life sucks 7317 You deserved it 711 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pkz - France Today, I found out that my husband of five years was living a double life. He and his mistress have two children together and a third one on the way. He told me the only reason he stayed with me was for my money. I make about 8 dollars an hour and work two jobs to make ends meet. FML I agree, your life sucks 50916 You deserved it 2880 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By axel519 - United States Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML I agree, your life sucks 27943 You deserved it 3038 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dreamer2639 - United States Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML I agree, your life sucks 15475 You deserved it 47853 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TriedToHelp Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML I agree, your life sucks 1843 You deserved it 473 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Donut_Wizard | 23 #7556769 - Wednesday 25 October 2017 22:38 I see carrots. Is it a bath, or are they making a stew? Send a private message 9 0 Reply
By Akitakat | 31 #7556992 - Thursday 26 October 2017 14:36 Ok... that is just too cute for words! :) Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Donut_Wizard | 23 #7556769 - Wednesday 25 October 2017 22:38 I see carrots. Is it a bath, or are they making a stew? Send a private message 9 0 Reply
By Akitakat | 31 #7556992 - Thursday 26 October 2017 14:36 Ok... that is just too cute for words! :) Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 25 You deserved it 173 4 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 71 You deserved it 365 6 Comments