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The all-time greatest FMLs

By The Sbeak - 13/02/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 51

By GirlyClaire - 29/03/2013 11:37 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date, and after travelling 12000 km by plane to see the cherry blossoms in bloom in Japan, I learned that this year, they bloomed 10 days earlier than expected. And to top it off, it turns out I’m allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 83

Elephants upstairs

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 10:00

Today, yet again, my upstairs neighbor can’t stop stomping. It’s troubling. There are random noises and thuds at 3 a.m. I've emailed the leasing office several times to no avail. I even told the leasing office that I didn't care if my neighbor has insomnia, I really don’t, I just have to be up at work by 6:00 a.m. every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 124

By polskibus - 31/01/2012 05:55 - Poland

Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had the brilliant idea to take out the trash at midnight after washing my hair. A minute later, my hair was completely frozen and I even managed to break some of it off. I can confirm that it was -30 °C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 248

Dating apps are hopeless

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 04:00 - Norway

Today, after seeing that my Tinder profile has been stagnant for a VERY long time, I became desperate enough to purchase a 100x boost. The result? One of the girls unmatched me. Not that it matters. All my matches have yet to answer back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 306

No kidding

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my mom that having watched my sister ruin her life having kids who grew into brats with criminal records before their teens, I refused to ruin my life the same way and will be childless. I then turned to leave and they were in the doorway, my sister and her two brats. I got slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 407

By DarkChild - 11/02/2016 22:18 - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 46

Let it out, dude

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 10:01

Today, why is life fucking me from behind like a fucking cunt? Fuck life, I hate life, fuck it, fuck everyone. Why do I suck? Why do i make always bad decisions? Why am I so fucking irresponsible and incapable of fucking anything? Why am I so useless and why do I suck at things I fucking work for and try my best for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 1 475

Happy birthday to you

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 64

Nice

By I'm getting nowhere - 27/03/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I've known that I'm too nice for a long time, so I've been trying to become more assertive. Unfortunately, my Avoidant Personality Disorder is not receptive to the idea. For those of you who don't know, a crippling sensitivity to criticism and rejection is the most prominent symptom. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 207

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 152

Caught a break

By It'sAntibioticsTime - 16/07/2023 03:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I learned that when you're sleeping 12+ hours and starving all the time, but haven't gained any weight, you might have a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 159

Say hello, wave goodbye

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 103

Love is in the air

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 02:00

Today, I work in a call centre for telecommunications and someone called in to ask about a payment on their account. I meant to ask them if they had checked their online banking statement, but instead I asked them if they had checked their online dating profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 375

Uber stank

By Not your scapegoat - 09/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend let out a vile fart in an Uber. It stank so bad, the driver threatened to kick us out. She blamed it on me and called me a pig. Then, she ripped another one, and he actually did kick us out. She had the nerve to act hurt when I called a second Uber only for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 162

Cost of living crisis

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 05:00

Today, it's only been two months since my daughter has owned her home and now she wants to move back to my house because she lost her job and can’t afford the mortgage, plus she got pregnant off a one-night stand and needs my help with the baby. Bang goes my plans for a quiet retirement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 154

Classic cat prank

By Icky Foot - 24/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was walking down the hallway when I stepped in an ice cold pile of cat vomit. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 162

Shenanigans

By seriouslywtf - 09/12/2023 07:00 - British Virgin Islands

Today, I found out that my husband is cheating on me with my ex-boyfriend, who came out about six months ago. We were still friends, and after they met, my husband admitted that he'd always wanted to "experiment." When I confronted them, he shook hands with my ex and said, "Now I get why you choose guys after her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 245

Shopping fun

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 2 614

Pumped-up Tanks

By DogStew - 15/09/2019 20:00

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 1 893

Fancy Hobo

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 14:00

Today, I changed my name on YouTube to Fancy Hobo and then sent an email to a well-admired professor. Little did I know my email was linked to YouTube. Yes, Fancy Hobo sent a very professional email about registration for grad school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 2 086

Restore device

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 12:00 - Canada - Québec

Today, I woke up to find out that my phone, which contained all of my pictures and videos from the past year, had completely crashed. Despite trying everything, I couldn't recover any of the data, even from the cloud backup. All those memories, gone forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 184

By Nono - 19/10/2012 02:25 - Argentina

Today, and since forever, I hate vegetables. I’ve been in Argentina for a few days for a one year exchange and I’ve been placed into a vegetarian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 261

All over the place

By Anonymous - 20/05/2023 12:00

Today, I managed to somehow trip and fall on my back twice within just two hours. My back didn’t hurt the first time, but it sure does now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 128

Safety last

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my foreman complained that I was slowing down productivity and costing the company money, all because I was wearing a harness to protect me from falling over the edge of a three story building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 102

By Femme - 16/02/2012 16:41 - Russia

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very much, young man.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 61

Congratulations, I guess

By Dead Inside Uncle - 14/10/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, my depression has seemingly hit a new low when I barely reacted at all to my sister excitedly telling me that I'm going to be an uncle. I'm not going to be a fun one at this rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 163

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 22:00

Today, as my stalker was finally led away in handcuffs, my auntie asked if maybe I was being a bit harsh having him arrested, and maybe I should give him a second chance because he seemed like "a sweet man", and "it’s not like I have any other men lining up to date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 103

Breaking

By Kev - 23/08/2023 06:00 - Ireland

Today, I was giving a presentation when my voice cracked like a teenage boy going through puberty. The audience giggled every time it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 80

Jack-in-the-box

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 249

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went back to my friends place drunk. As we were walking in, she told me to be quiet, so as not to wake her parents and let them know we were drunk. I then walked in and looked at her parents, who were still awake watching TV, and said, "Shhh. Meg told me not to wake her parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 751

You deserved it 3 257

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 381

You deserved it 6 237

Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 176

Today, I received my fourth rejection email from McDonald's after applying for one position with them a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 321

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 229

You deserved it 4 770

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 391

You deserved it 15 182