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The all-time greatest FMLs

Reign of terror

By scared shitless - 14/07/2022 04:00

Today, I've been getting terrifying threats all day. Why? I broke up with my girlfriend and turned her in to the police after she and her friends shared their plan to firebomb a church during Sunday school. I didn't know I was dating a terrorist. I might need a new identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 117

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 17:01 - United States - New Haven

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 242

Loose Women

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 22:59

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 645

Not you

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 07:59

Today, I saw that the man who got me pregnant, and swore that if I kept it he'd run away to Asia, and his new girlfriend announced their pregnancy on social media. They both seem to be very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 236

Gratitude walks

By Liam - 06/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girl called me a "brainless, insensitive prick" Why? Because I wanted to surprise her with flowers since she’s been on vacation for 3 weeks and I hadn’t seen her. She was badly sunburned. I’d bought sunflowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 121

Boundaries and jealous

By Gina Marie Lombardi - 15/04/2022 06:00

Today, I got a text from my friend of 8 years, who I talked to everyday, saying he isn’t allowed to talk to me anymore because the junkie girl he is dating doesn’t want him to talk to other girls. I’m happily married, but she doesn’t like any of his friends who are girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 135

What happened?

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 02:00 - Ireland

Today, after 5 and a half years, my boyfriend had spent months talking about proposing before the end of the year. He'd picked out a ring, told all his friends, and couldn't stop talking about our future. He then dumped me over the phone out of the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 1 020

It says a lot of shit

By Imnotfromhere - 26/06/2021 00:01

Today, I showed up to work with a hickey on my neck and found out my boss is very Christian. He wasted my entire lunch break ranting to me about how the Bible says I shouldn't be having sex before marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 368

Landlords gonna landlord

By WannaBarf - 08/01/2022 17:01 - United States - Loveland

Today, I got my deposit back from my last apartment. The receipt is riddled with math errors. I'd told them I’m an accountant when I moved in, so I redid the receipt in my own time to see how bad they fucked it up. They owe me $400 more due to their mistake, and I’m sure I’ll never see any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 103

Asshole

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 06:00

Today, after my dad recently had to go sober or face dying within a year, it turns out that without the alcohol, his personality still sucks. He used to be a drunk asshole, but now he’s just an asshole. At least when he was drunk he used to pass out. Now he can be an asshole all night without stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 104

Damian?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 116

Asking for it

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 17:00

Today, my crush and I were talking about hypothetical situations. I told her, "I love you hypothetically." She said, "I love me too." I even got rejected hypothetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 706

Remember me?

By Anonymous - 22/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father passed. He never gave me the time of day for anything, but he was my dad so I went to the funeral. However, 98% of the people there had no idea he had an eldest daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 86

Mirror, mirror

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 23:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today I discovered that I'm so pale that I can lighten up any distant dark corner of the room just by placing my hand by a window and reflecting the light like a mirror. Imagine how bright it would be if I stood by the window naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 260

I'll have the Catfish

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to a bar for a first date with a guy I had been talking to online. It turned out he was actually my ex-boyfriend in disguise, trying to get revenge for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 144

Weirdo alert

By imaginary coelacanth - 20/12/2020 14:02

Today, a customer came into the store I work at to ask why I hadn't killed myself yet. A month prior, that same customer told me to kill myself. All I did was compliment her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 90

Compassionate dad, huh?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 05:01 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I was having an emotional breakdown. I'm unhappy a lot and don't know why. It's very confusing. My dad yelled at me, telling me, "You have no right to be sad!" I'm even more confused now. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 201

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 07/03/2021 00:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 308

Damn regulations

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 06:01

Today, after being years of being told that it's a pipe dream and that I couldn't do it, I finally qualified for my unconventional dream job, competing with almost 100k people, only to find out during the medical exam that as I have epilepsy, I'm unfit for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 112

Alexa, play "What difference does it make?" by The Smiths

By tarah - 10/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after finding out my parents are divorced. Same reason my last three girlfriends broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 144