Today, my girl called me a "brainless, insensitive prick" Why? Because I wanted to surprise her with flowers since she’s been on vacation for 3 weeks and I hadn’t seen her. She was badly sunburned. I’d bought sunflowers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend flowers. All she managed to do was to say, "It’s been a year since you brought me flowers." FML
Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML
Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML
Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML
Today, I went to surprise my girlfriend, who was at work at Target, with flowers. I asked the employee at the entrance if she was there. When he asked who I was, his face lit up red and he started profusely apologizing, stating, “She told me you guys broke up.” before guiding me to her area. News to me. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Buy her thorn roses to tell her you love her but she stings like a bitch at times
ojoRojo 27
She’s really reaching for a reason to be mad at you there, isn’t she
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
Buy her thorn roses to tell her you love her but she stings like a bitch at times
ojoRojo 27
She’s really reaching for a reason to be mad at you there, isn’t she
JackWood 21
The "brainless, insensitive ****" forgot her sunscreen so you should pay. Run, run fast, you deserve better.
bleachedraven 14
damn straight